Page 32

Alina:

Mmm .

Not to be a sadist, but the look of panic in Bash’s eyes is just a little satisfying if I’m being honest. His Adam’s apple moves every time he fearfully gulps, and his eyes are rounded and large as he stares back at me. I would never make Bash do anything he doesn’t want to, but I am asking him to rise to the challenge. He nervously strums his guitar before setting it down, running his hands through his hair.

I suck on the plug some more as I stare back at him, seeing into his soul.

Bash can’t take his eyes off me, the fear of what’s to come fighting his burning desire to try something new. “Have you ever experimented with anal before?” I ask him as he shrugs, looking highly uncomfortable, which makes me pause as I wait for him to answer.

“Honestly, I know I’ve done a lot of things regarding my ass on tour, but I was fucked up and on drugs for most of it,” he says as his face darkens. I nod, understanding immediately that this dynamic is touchy.

“Ok. If this is too much, then it’s not happening,” I assure him softly. He doesn’t say anything back for a minute, having a silent conversation with himself as I wait patiently for his response. Tension fills the air between us as he stands, facing me.

“I trust you,” he finally admits quietly. He begins to take off his clothes, his fingers shaking as he works. My heart starts to race with the excitement this new territory is bringing. We never went this far in high school. Giving pleasure in this way wasn’t something I knew I needed back then. I discovered this kink later in life. I like to dominate when I’m in the mood to feel powerful. But I need to handle Bash carefully. Especially when he says, “I’m really nervous, Alina.” His confession solidifies my resolve.

I drop my facade in order to approach him in a way that makes him feel safe. “I need to ask you something,” I gently say. He nods his head in agreement, looking away from me. I stop him from continuing to strip himself and take his hands in my own. “Were those things you experienced during your tour consensual? ” His hands go stiff in mine and start to sweat. He pulls away from me as I do my best to stand my ground. It’s not personal. He’s just experiencing anxiety and fear as his trauma resurfaces.

“I don’t know, Alina,” he finally answers me.

“Then they weren’t. If you don’t know, then you didn’t say yes with resounding clarity,” I tell him. It’s probably something he’s hearing for the first time. He crosses his arms, holding himself defensively.

“Look, I was fucked up and it was my fault for being so fucking unaware,” he counters angrily as I harden at his words. He cowers in front of me.

“It was not your fault if you didn’t consent,” I clarify heatedly, needing that to sink into his brain. Bash finally meets my eyes.

“I didn’t know so many people would take advantage of me while I was hurting so badly. I feel so stupid.” His confession brings tears. I nod, listening. His choppy breathing makes it harder for him to cling to himself as he implodes in front of me.

“Can I touch you?” I ask calmly. He looks scared as shit about any sort of contact. He doesn’t say anything for a minute but eventually nods his head yes. I approach Bash slowly, resting my hand on his arm at first. I stand with him, quietly making this subtle connection as he adjusts to my touch.

“I’ve never talked about this with anyone,” he admits embarrassed. I nod, understanding, thinking of all the things that went unsaid about my own trauma due to no one believing me.

“I’m right here,” I quietly assure him as I place my other hand on his body gently. He shivers but doesn’t pull away.

“I just thought because I was doing drugs and couldn’t get my shit together that I deserved it. Like my dad always beat into my head.” I break at that and now we’re both crying.

“You did not deserve to be taken advantage of due to your pain, Sebastian.” He cries harder when he hears his full name. I rarely use it. But it’s impactful for him to hear it in this moment. Because he needs to know how beautiful and necessary he is. I speak those exact words as he finally breaks down completely, allowing me to hold him when I grab him in my arms. We collapse into a pile on the ground as he sobs on my bare chest. I pet his head, kissing his hair as I cling to him tightly.

We lie splayed together for a long time. And eventually, Bash’s tears subside. He looks up at me from my chest. I smile at him, seeing a lightness in his eyes that wasn’t there before.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles as I shake my head.

“Don’t you dare apologize for healing, baby,” I sweetly chastise him, making him smirk as he nods back.

“I want to try it. The plug. With you.” His voice is so timid. I smile wider, so fucking proud of him for facing his fears head on.

“Really?” I ask excitedly. He nods gently.

“Is this… something you do for people who pay you? Sit with them and talk about their darkness?” His question is followed by nervous eye contact.

“You’d be surprised how many people open up to the whore,” I say with a sad smirk. “I’m one with that darkness. Secrets live there. Clients feel like they can trust me there too. Because they think I’ll never leave that darkness. That I’m stuck there along with their secrets.”

“I want to meet you in that fucking darkness, Lina Girl,” he whispers before crashing his lips against my mouth.

Sebastian:

“It’s a place where doomed lovers thrive,” she says as she releases my lips, then licks at my nose, nuzzling me afterwards.

“How can you still love me after all the shit I’ve put you through? Then and now?” I ask, feeling vulnerable and needy and broken before her.

“Because you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Especially in your darkness and sadness. I’ll always remember that boy who put me before himself. Who worried about others, instead of his own well-being. The boy who didn’t kill himself so I could have a decent birthday. The best birthday I’ve ever fucking had. And now I see the man who’s brought me back to life. Who’s lifted me up and reminded me just who the fuck I am and have been! Who’s reminded me that I get to decide who I want to be, now and until I die. You’re everything to me Sebastian Cox. I’ll beat your mother any day for you, baby. And if I knew who hurt you while you were fucked up on tour, I’d slit their fucking throats. I meant it when I said I’d slay every one of your demons. And I’m starting with your ass, baby. Because demons hide in our sexual organs and I’m about to set you free.”

“That might be the scariest pep talk I’ve ever received, Lina Girl.” We both laugh a little at her fucking monologue.

“Yeah, that was a little much, but I meant it all,” she replies as I level her with a stare.

“This is the energy you need to murder Luke, baby,” I tell her honestly. She turns away.

“It’s so much easier to fight for you than myself,” she whispers. I understand what she’s saying. “But we’re in this together, right?” Her face is full of hope as she looks at me with those wicked green eyes I love so fucking much.

“Ride or die, Lina Girl. I love you,” I promise her, trying to look straight into her soul through those perfect fucking eyes of hers. I mean what I’m saying with everything that I am.

“Are you ready?” she asks breathlessly. I take a minute to ground myself before meeting her gaze.

“Where do you want me?”

I’m so fucking nervous, my hands are shaking. She smiles softly before climbing into my lap, straddling my hips, balancing on her knees over me.

“ Shhhhh ,” she whispers soothingly into my ear. I close my eyes as her voice takes over my senses. “If you’re ready for me to lead, say so. If you want me stop, the word is Tupperware.”

“Tupperware?” I snort. “Ok, I won’t forget that,” I say quietly as I fist her schoolgirl skirt in my hands.

“Say when,” she says soothingly, rocking her hips over mine, grinding herself over me and holding me to her chest. Her breasts squish into my neck and shoulders as I look up into her magnificent face. She smiles and I smile back shyly, her fingers massaging my scalp and setting my jaw at ease for the first time since she arrived in my room. I lean into her chest and appreciate the softness of her tits for a few more seconds before I decide it’s time to be brave. I pull away and nod at her.

“I’m ready.” She smiles, rewarding me for my effort. Her hips leave mine as she stands, her hand reaching down to help me up. She gets me to my feet, stripping the rest of my clothes off as she trails kisses over every inch of my exposed body. She grabs me with her arms from behind and before I know it, she’s walking me towards my bed. She holds me while I stare at it, my eyes glued to the mattress, wondering what’s coming next. Her nails begin to lightly graze my sides. I close my eyes from the sensation. I touch her hips with the palms of my hands and spread my fingers over the top of her ass, reaching behind me. She hums, the vibration buzzing through my torso as she begins to scratch her fingernails up and down my spine next.

With the lightest pressure, Lina begins to fold me over at my waist. My stomach clenches as my anxiety peaks. This is highly erotic, and my dick is definitely hard, but I’m scared. This is a compromising position, and it makes me feel out of control. I wonder how many women I made feel the same way when we fucked. By the time she gets me down to the mattress, bent completely at her will, I’m sweating. I pick a spot on the bed and stare at it. Her soft lips brush my ear.

“Sebastian,” she coos, and I whimper. “Tell me what’s happening,” she encourages. I pant for a couple of seconds before I’m able to answer her.

“I just feel… scared. Like I did when I was a kid. When you left. While on tour. I don’t know. I feel all the fear I’ve ever experienced in my life rushing in. I don’t like it,” I tell her honestly. Her nails trace patterns on my back as I lie before her. Then she climbs onto the mattress next to me. I feel a little more comfortable now that she’s not standing behind me.

“These feelings attach themselves to moments in time in our lives. And when the feeling arises, so does the trauma. Our bodies remember,” she calmly says as she continues to run her nails over my back. “Just feel into this position with me rubbing your back. Don’t think about what’s to come. Just focus on the sensations you’re feeling now,” she coaches me. I do as she says, closing my eyes.

I feel the scratch of her nails and follow them with my mind. I can feel the resistance in my body at first, craving control and rigidness, wanting to stop Alina from guiding me. But I force myself to calm down, gradually melting into her movements and the feel of her fingers. My chest sinks lower into the mattress. “ Fuck , you look so amazing relaxed on the bed before me, baby,” she says over me. The weight of her breasts are on my back as she holds me, physically grounding me into the bed. It feels so fucking good, I want to cry. “I love you, Bash Cox,” she whispers as I turn my head. Her face meets mine where I’m at. “That’s right, fuck doll,” she oozes sexily. I begin bucking my hips into the mattress at her praise. I want more of it instantly. I look into her eyes, silently pleading with her to continue. She can tell it’s having a positive effect on me. Lina grins as she watches my face. “I didn’t forget you said it earlier.”

My bottom lip trembles as she repeats my words back to me from all those years ago.

“I always used to think it was just me… who remembered it all,” I confess as a sob escapes my lips. I want to fuck her so badly when she shakes her head no.

“No fucking way,” she snarls, making me whimper for her again. She drags her tongue up the side of my face as my mouth opens with a silent moan that’s trapped inside my throat. “Is this the extent of how far you want to go tonight or are you ready for more?”

“ More .”

It’s out of my mouth before I can register I’ve even said it. This power dynamic, the switch that’s occurred, it’s fucking doing it for me. I want to experience more of her this way. I love seeing Lina so strong and sure of herself. It brings tears to my eyes.

“Ok, Bash. I’m going to stand behind you now,” she lets me know, narrating everything for my benefit. I’m ok until she’s moving towards my back. My hand whips out and snags her forearm, my fingers latching themselves around her bones, crushing her as fear completely overrides everything inside my head. She remains calm as fuck. But I’m absolutely paralyzed. The sensation of having someone looming behind me used to mean my father was about to beat the fuck out of me. It reminds me of being too small to fight back and how he used to overpower me with the element of surprise. “Talk to me, Bash.” Her voice is somewhat stable, but I know her well enough to hear the slight edge within it. I’m hurting her and I’m not meaning to. I’m just… frozen.

“ Bash ,” she says a little more forcefully. I will myself to shake my head, coming out of my paralysis.

“Someone coming up behind me makes me feel like my dad is about to punk my ass,” I finally get out as more tears fall from my eyes. As soon as I voice my fear, I’m able to release Alina. She doesn’t move right away. I feel terrible about hurting her. But she doesn’t even seem phased as she talks me through it.

“I can see how this position would be very triggering for that trauma,” she says quietly. The kid inside me is so happy to be seen. But I’m honestly feeling too seen. It’s a lot. Part of me wants to hide, for this to end. But I know I have to endure this pain if I want to put it behind me. And Lina is by my side, guiding me gently in a way I know I don’t deserve but am happy to be receiving.

Her hands start to trace circles on my back again, so I lean into it like she coached me from before. And this time, when she tells me she’s getting off the bed, I don’t have a severe reaction. Feeling her standing behind me is still uncomfortable, but I can manage it. Her fingers begin to trail those lazy circles over my lower back and hips. She doesn’t touch my actual ass yet, which I’m grateful for. I need a couple more minutes to breathe. And by the time she does ask to touch me there, she’s waited long enough for me to feel ok with it.

She begins to pet the outside of my cheeks and as she swoops her fingers towards the center of my legs, she gets closer to my hole each time. The first time she actually touches it, I wince and rip my hips away from her. “Talk to me, Bash,” she just softly encourages and before I know it, I’m shaking again.

“I-I don’t know exactly. I’m just seeing images from my tour bus… Maybe a window. Like it’s upside down. I don’t know ,” I word vomit in an anxious rush. She soothes me by drooping herself over my back.

“I’m right here,” she whispers softly. I take a deep breath.

“I just remember thinking that whatever it was inside of my body… it should’ve hurt me, but I was too fucked up to register pain,” I sob, a fucking mess. Lina holds my hips fiercely, grounding me as I come undone.

“Who hurt you?” she asks faintly, and I sob harder.

“ I don’t know, Alina!! ” I yell, my voice unrecognizable in its shrill state. She pets my back as I thrash beneath her in agony. She takes every fucking cry and curse I throw her way. I fist the sheets and blankets as I break down. She stands her ground firmly, holding me silently, allowing me to fully implode. She never asks me to be something other than who I am while I self-destruct in her arms. She just lets it happen and I’m fucking forever hers in a more intimate way because of it.

Ten minutes later, she’s back at my hole. I’ve finally chilled out enough for her to move forward. She’s rubbing me and I’m bucking my hips into the mattress, moaning like I was before, but now it’s centered around my pleasure, not some hidden act from my past dredging up repressed pain and suffering. When she grabs lube and douses me to the point of it running down my inner thighs, I burrow further into the bed, trying to make sure she has easier access, wanting to be used by her. Because I know she’s using me because she loves me. She’s proving that every fucking second she liberates me from this trauma. I want this and I want it to happen. I open my mind and my heart to Alina.

Her finger presses into me, stretching me in more ways than just physically. I’m not sure what to think. It feels strange and new. I don’t hate it, but it’s unfamiliar. “Goddammit, Sebastian. You take my finger so fucking well, baby,” she purrs graciously. Oh boy, I like it. I like her praise. I buck up into her hand, feeling her finger slide into me further as she laughs, resting her other hand on my cheek before spreading it, my ass parting a little more for her eyes. “Playing games with me, Cox?” she asks in a husky voice. A zing of arousal shoots through my dick as she presses into me with more force.

“ Fuck , Lina!” I yell as she bites my ass before pressing into me harder. I’m being fucked and spread before her, at her leisure. I can tell she’s loving the power she’s thriving in. Her fingernails dig into the meat of my ass as she pulls her other finger free, then thrusts it forward again.

I’m seeing fucking stars.

They’re falling all around me.

“Ready for more?” she ventures as I nod yes quickly. My hole widens around her added finger. I pant heavily into the sheets by my face. “ That’s it, Sebastian ,” she coos like an angel. I throw my hips back into her hand in a frenzy. Something feral is being unleashed inside of me. “You like being fucked by me, don’t you, fuck doll?” That fucking unravels me. I’m gasping for breath, fisting my dick and pumping it hard as she pumps her fingers into me. “That’s it, baby!!” she shouts. I jerk off quicker to her praise. She shoves her hand forward and holds it there as she massages something sensitive as fuck inside me. I stiffen around her, her fingers making me moan in a way I’ve never heard come from my mouth before. “That’s the male G-spot,” she informs me, my dick leaking happily over my knuckles as I squeeze it in my fist. “I own you with this pleasure point, Bash baby.” She owns me anyway, but fuck me, she has me at her mercy while she bears down on that fucking spot in my ass. She bites my shoulder blade as I yelp in satisfied pain. She smacks my ass cheek with her free hand and bites it again as I growl deeply. It bursts out of my chest and through my mouth, filling the room around us.

Alina pours more lube over me as she massages me tenderly, working my ass, my thighs, my lower back and my hole. Everything feels incredible and extremely intimate. By the time I feel the cool metal of the plug against my body, I’m ready.

I nod and she pushes.

I grab myself and beat off as she inserts it into me. I gasp for breath, the sensation of being full so alive in my body. I have a whole new respect for the woman standing behind me, knowing she’s had to endure this feeling against her will. When sex is consensual, it’s a beautiful thing. But having it forced upon you takes that beauty and turns it into shame. Something we both know. I hate that for myself, but I hate it for my girl even more. Alina never should’ve had to survive the way she has. If I ever find her father, I’m killing him too. He’s on my list right under Luke’s fucked face.

We’re still for a minute as Alina allows me to gain my bearings. Her hands are resting on my lower back, her thumbs tracing lazy circles around my hip bones.

“How does it feel?” she asks softly. I breathe through a wave a panic before answering, knowing it’s just the newness of the situation causing me to be anxious.

“Different,” I answer honestly. “But… I’m ok… I’m ok with you here, Lina Girl.”

“You’re safe, baby. I’m right here,” she repeats for me, and I love her for it. It fills my heart with warmth and confidence. It makes me feel like I can do fucking anything as long as I have her by my side

“Do I get to fuck you too?” I ask from the mattress, still bent over for her. She smiles as she nods her head yes at me.

“We get to be each other’s fuck dolls tonight,” she savagely responds and crawls on the bed next to me. “The power is back in your hands, Bash Cox.”

Alina:

He looks so fucking hot, sprawled on the bed next to me with a plug inside of him. I hover over him, my knees on the mattress as I slap his cheek, making him laugh. I peek at the purple heart sitting pretty in the middle of his perfect ass. I nudge it with my finger, pushing it towards his prostate so he lurches. “ Wow . Still not used to that,” he says faintly as I turn back to him.

“Thank you for trusting me, Bash.”

He slowly rises up from the bed, offering me his hand. I take it and join him, standing on the carpet as he kisses me deeply, stroking my tongue with his. I reach around behind him and toy with the heart as he moans into my mouth. I feel a tingle of joy spread through me, knowing how good I’m making him feel.

“I’m starting to get it,” he says with a dangerous look in his eye. He suddenly fists my hair in his fingers, his confidence back, power surging through him. “Get on your knees and suck me off, fuck doll.” He bites at my neck and an immediate sting shocks me back into being submissive. I clasp my hands behind my back, dropping to my knees before him. I open my mouth wide as he shoves himself inside me. “Goddammit, that fucking skirt is killing me,” he says as he bucks into my face, moaning more than he ever has when we’ve fucked before this. “Holy fuck, this plug ,” he grits out as I whimper around his cock in response.

I put that plug there.

I grab his ass cheeks and press them together around it as he thrusts into my face with an intense shout. He growls down at me, his eyes filled to the brim with arousal. “Wiggle those sexy ass hips, fuck doll,” he demands and I’m doing it without thinking. “That’s my fucking girl,” he snarls. I’m whimpering for him again, feeling so fucking used and needed and loved. “Get your ass on the bed,” he commands next as he rips his cock from my mouth and shoves me to the mattress. He runs the head of his dick through the mess of my slick folds before he enters me and fucks me hard .

Not hard enough to completely erase the trauma of his entire life, but enough to start seeing things in a different light. And when he comes, he screams to the open room, releasing all the pain and embarrassment from those memories held long within the recesses of his body, and his darkness.

And what a fucking sight it is, to behold Bash in all his unfiltered fucking glory. My fallen rockstar. My savior.

More alive than ever before.