Page 25

Sebastian:

I’m too freaked out to ask her what happened. Her clothing is torn, she’s got fresh marks on her face as though she’s been hit, and her eyes look crazy as she stares out of the windshield at the rain.

Fuck , she’s so beautiful.

Her purse sits in her lap, her knuckles white as she grips the strap of it. We don’t say anything as I drive her back to my place. My mom is waiting in the window but backs away when she sees me glare at her as I go to retrieve Alina from the passenger’s side of the car. I don’t have time for her fucking shit right now.

I try to touch Alina, to grab her hands and gently help her from her seat, but she gets angry at me and thrashes her arms. I back away, not really sure what to do. She’s breathing heavily, sucking in heaps of air desperately. I’m worried she’s going to hyperventilate. I feel so out of my element. What do I have at my disposal to help her?

“Lina Girl,” I say softly, and she shakes her head angrily, glaring at me.

“ Don’t fucking call me that ,” she growls. I hold my hands up, trying to look submissive.

“Ok,” I nod at her to assure her I’m listening. “Can I bring you inside?” She shakes her head no again, aggressively denying me. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” I pry further before she rips into me.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Bash! Don’t touch me! Don’t help me! Stop being so fucking nice to me!!! I don’t deserve it!! Just leave me the fuck alone!” Her screams fill the driveway over the rain. I see my mom move in the window as she watches the whole thing. Alina notices too. “Go fuck yourself, you judgmental bitch!!” she screeches. My mother’s face drains of all color behind the glass. “You fucking left your son to die! You have no right to look down upon me and my life!! I was the only one there for Bash while your husband beat him to death! He wanted to kill himself because of you both!!”

The rain is soaking my clothing as my mom’s eyes meet mine. I stare back at her, my face hardened to her shock. Alina’s words are true and they’re out in the open now. I’m not sorry for what she’s said.

Lina is sobbing in the car, the door open and water pelting her as she cracks before me, completely breaking like I did the night before in the detention room. I have a sudden idea and grab the key to the shed, working it off my key ring and handing it outstretched to her.

“Alina,” I say loudly as the raindrops starts to fall harder. She looks up at me, her beautiful face a canvas of devastation and destruction. “Take this key and go to the shed. You’ll be alone. Just take care of yourself and call me if you need anything.” She looks to the key, her lip trembling. I know she wants to take it, but inside her eyes, I see the battle waging. The words that are flowing through her mind and telling her why she isn’t worth it, why she doesn’t deserve my handout.

But she fucking does .

So, I take the key and throw it on the ground between us. I turn back to the house and enter my mom’s side, scaring her away from the window. Making sure she’s up the stairs with her door closed, I leave and enter my own side of the house. I walk all the way up to my room and spy on Alina from the blinds. She does exactly as I hoped she would.

When all eyes are off of her, she crumples. She cries and holds herself, eventually leaving the car and taking the key in her hand from the ground. She walks through the alcove, and I run to the window on the far side of my room that overlooks the backyard. I see her purple hair disappear behind the tree line, where the pond hides below.

She’s safe.

She’s safe in the place I made for her.

I throw my wet clothes off and stumble to the shower, trying not to fall completely apart.

Alina:

I unlock the door to the shed, tearing my clothing off. I’m sobbing as I stumble to the window and open it, trying to ease my anxiety and aching heart with the sound of the rain. It beats on the surface of the pond, allowing me to feel a little better as it lulls me into a submissive state.

I’d give anything to have Bash here with me, but I’m angry at him. For freely giving my undeserving ass anything I need without question. I’m not his problem, yet he keeps taking me on. I’m trying to push him away because of it. Yet another part of me wants to crawl into his arms and cry into his chest, begging for his comfort.

I love him so fucking much. Sebastian fucking Cox. The most handsome man of my fucked up dreams. I was obsessed with him then and nothing’s changed now. Including the space separating us from each other.

I just need to calm down. I need to relax for a second. But I know it’s deeper than that. The anxiety raging through me. My bones rattle from the force of my shaking body. This shit with Luke just got very real. And I’m not sure what to do.

I run to the door, throwing it open, sprinting to the edge of the porch as I puke over the side of it. My bare knees hit the wood as I purge myself of the physical anxiety I’m feeling. I can’t stop trembling. I’m not even fucking cold, just full-blown panicking. I’m sweating everywhere, liquid dripping from my armpits, covering my top lip and forming behind my bent knees. I need Bash more than ever, but my pride is forcing me inside and under the covers of the bed alone.

I don’t even know where my phone is.

Thrown somewhere in my haste to undress.

I grab a pillow and hug it tightly, pretending it’s the most beautiful boy I met in detention all those years ago. With his blue, unfocused eyes and lazy smile. I focus on the sound of the falling rain outside to quiet my mind. My body eventually relaxes enough to fall asleep from exhaustion, plummeting me into a restless coma.

Sebastian:

It’s been hours.

The rain hasn’t stopped, and it’s starting to get dark outside. I’ve been pacing. I tried to play one of my guitars just to give my swollen fingers something to do, but I couldn’t concentrate and gave up. After zoning out for a long time, staring at the broken mess I made of my wall, I grabbed some frozen veggies from my freezer and began cleaning up the mess I left of my room, icing my knuckles while waiting for Alina to send word that she needs me.

It’s fucked, because I know that she does. She does need me. And I want to be there for her. But I’m trying to find that fine line between giving her enough time to calm down and not allowing her to feel abandoned if I take too long. It’s been a long fucking minute since I’ve heard from her though.

I ran over to her house and met with the cleaning crew alone. The place was fucking rancid. They just donned their masks and got to work. If I’m grateful for fame bringing me anything, it’s the money that came along with it. It makes getting shit I don’t want to do easier to get done. And there was no way Alina was cleaning that up on her own.

I have a sickening thought of her doing just that before I came back into her life and I physically shudder, feeling disgusted and horrified. I doubt that’s the first time she’s experienced abuse of that level from Luke and no one was around in the past to help her clean up the aftermath. What a fucking nightmare.

I sigh, my need to comfort her forcing me to finally take action. I grab my phone, unlock it, then throw it on my bed, thinking better of it. I rub my hands down my face, feeling stuck. I don’t want to push her or overwhelm her. But she was so devastated earlier. She looked like a wounded, caged animal that was going to fight her way out of my car or die trying. Remembering the deep-seated pain inside her green eyes is enough to make me finally pick my phone back up and text her.

Alina:

There’s a ping from somewhere in the haze that’s fogging my mind. I stir, feeling so fucking heavy and miserable. I don’t remember where I am. I’m not sure I want to break this cocoon of ignorance either. As I remove the covers from my head, it takes several seconds for me to register that I’m at Bash’s house in the shed down by the pond. Then I remember Luke and his earlier attack. I also remember screaming at Bash’s mom.

Woof. That fucking bitch. She deserved it. I don’t feel an ounce of regret at that spur-the-moment decision. My rage was uncontrollable, and she was a prime target for it.

I sit up and stare out the window, watching the ripples on the pond as the rain hits the surface. It’s such a peaceful sight. Even though I’m hollow, I appreciate it. I’m surprised I fell asleep because I felt so fucking scared, but then again, anxiety is exhausting, and I think my body put me out to recover.

My phone pings again, reminding me I have a message. The notification isn’t the one I have set for Luke. My legs feel shaky as they hit the floor, and I search my raggedy pile of clothes for my phone. There’s one missed text from… Bash . I cry out as I unlock the screen and enter the text thread. There’s the one I sent him earlier, and one he sent two minutes ago.

Lina Girl?

The tears begin to pour down my face as I select his name at the top of the page and hit call. It barely rings before he’s answering, his breathing heavy through the line. “ Bash? ” I cry out before he can say anything.

“I’m right here, Lina Girl. What do you need from me right now?” His voice sounds so sweet. I want to drown in it, to die inside it and never have to worry about any of the bullshit I’m in again. At least I’d be with him. Entangled in everything that makes up Sebastian Cox.

“ You .”

It’s all I can manage. And I don’t have to say any more.

I close my eyes and listen as Bash continues to breathe heavily through the receiver. I’m silent as that same breath breathes life back into my listless body. In less than two minutes, he’s at the door of the shed, running through it and crouching down before me. I look at him, shaking as he approaches me slowly. He takes the phone from my hand and starts to pull me to his chest. I let him this time.

Once he sees that I’m being compliant, he drags me into him quicker and holds me fiercely in his arms. I begin to cry harder. He lifts me up from the floor and brings me to the edge of the bed, setting my naked body on top of the messy blankets.

“I’m going to take my shoes off, ok?” he softly whispers into my ear as I nod. He lets me go a little, needing to balance himself on the bed. I whimper, even though he warned me. He doesn’t get angry with me. He just smiles at me gently and removes his Converse, toeing the back of each shoe off before climbing back into bed with me. He pulls me into his chest, my body shaking violently, and presses me into the mattress by lying his weight on one side of me. It’s enough to ground me but doesn’t feel overwhelming to the point I’m claustrophobic.

“What’s going on, Lina Girl?” he asks as I shudder below him.

“I’m having a panic attack,” I answer him truthfully, the anxiety peaking in my body as it did before I fell asleep. He nods gently, gazing at me with his kind eyes.

“That’s ok, you’re allowed to be scared,” Bash replies, pushing my hair away from my face. “What’s scaring you?”

I know he knows, but the fact that he’s patiently waiting for me to explain myself means everything. My bottom lip trembles as I continue to cry, looking deep into his eyes. “Luke feels so big. He’s everywhere. I can’t close my eyes without seeing him.”

Bash nods his head, and I can see the understanding etched into the look he gives me.

“I see him when I close my eyes too. My dad. I also see my mom, refusing to acknowledge what he did to me. I don’t sleep well most nights,” he reveals. I cry for him, shedding more tears as I allow his words to burrow into my heart. I remember helping Bash in that dilapidated shed his father made him sleep in. He had blood all over himself. I remember the coppery taste of it as I licked my lips that night. I was so anxious, my fingers shaking, as I tried to stop his head from bleeding. I ended up being covered in his blood too.

“I’m so sorry, Bash,” I whimper as he nuzzles me, petting my face.

“It’s ok, Lina Girl. I’ve got you. That makes it so much better. And bearable on nights like this when we can’t run anymore,” he says, stroking my cheeks, my lips, my chin. His thumb snakes itself into my mouth. I suck it gently as he smiles at me. He presses it in a little further as I close my watery eyes, enjoying any part of him inside of me. I let my tongue swirl over his thumb, caught up in his body as a memory of Luke licking the blood off my nose violently surfaces. I rip my eyes open, fresh tears streaming down my face. “ Shhhhh , Lina Girl. It’s ok. What did you see?”

I’m scared to tell him. He usually yells at me and tells me it’s my fault. Is it my fault? I don’t know anymore. I pull his hand away from my mouth to speak, relaying my fear to him.

“I’m afraid you’ll just blame me for what popped up,” I admit in a whisper. Bash sighs heavily, hanging his forehead over mine.

“I have done that. A lot. I’m so sorry, baby.” His eyes are filled with his own tears as he looks at me. “I’m sorry I made you feel unsafe.” I can tell he’s being genuine, so I nod in response as he patiently waits for me to continue.

“He licked the blood off my nose when he hurt me the other night,” I finally reply. Bash stiffens on top of me, looking away for a second while clenching his jaw. He’s so angry. I can physically feel it rolling off of him. But he shakes his head, pushing back his roiling emotions as he returns his gaze to mine.

“How’d that make you feel?” he asks quietly. I shake my head gently, feeling like a fucking idiot.

“Like a morbid ice cream cone from someone’s fucking nightmare,” I say honestly as he smirks a little at my analogy.

“That’s quite a picture, Lina Girl.” His voice is strained with hurt. I know he wishes he could take it all away, just like I wish I could do the same for him and the memories that haunt him. “How can I help you right now?” he asks me tenderly.

“Make me feel good,” I whisper without needing to think and he nods at me.

“Ok,” he replies quietly, looking deeply into my eyes. “I’ll make you feel good if you promise to tell me all the memories that resurface so we can face them together while I do.”

I look away. “That’s a really personal request, Bash.” I don’t like it. He nods.

“I know. I promise to do the same though. If something comes up, I’ll tell you what it is so I can free myself of it,” he says, leveling me with a serious stare. “We’re in this together. Let’s do this together.” I can’t imagine doing something like this with anyone else. Bash is so brave as he looks at me and waits for me to answer him. I want to be brave too. So, I finally nod my head yes. He smiles at me.

“I’m gonna take my clothes off now, Lina Girl. Is that ok?”

I nod, once more missing him as soon as he leaves my body to get undressed. He pulls his sweatshirt off by grabbing it from behind his shoulders, freeing himself of it in one easy motion. His tattooed chest is broad and strong as he bares it for me, watching my eyes as he grabs for his pants next. He throws everything to the floor, pulling his socks off last before climbing back on top of me.

This time he settles his hips onto mine, his steeled cock poking up into my clit. He rests his chest over my breasts, running his fingers lightly down my arms before lifting them above my head and lacing them into mine. They interlock as we breathe with each other, taking up space together. I don’t speak. I don’t ask for anything because I know he’ll already deliver upon making me feel good. And I trust him. Whatever he offers me tonight will be enough to mend a fraction of my broken heart so I can keep moving forward.

“Close your eyes, Alina,” he whispers. I do as he commands. It’s dark, and I’m scared, but I feel Bash all around me. His fingers flex and grip mine harder as he begins to rock his powerful hips against mine. Each time he presses up into me, the head of his cock presses into the head of my clit, causing my breath to hitch. The stars I’m seeing behind closed lids soon disappear and tiger stripes replace them. I whimper pathetically, but Bash is on it. “Tell me, Lina Girl. Whatever you’re fucking seeing,” he coaxes me as I cry out.

“Tiger stripes!” I admit.

My fingers clench his in fear as he nuzzles my neck and licks at my pulse. He bares more weight upon me as he presses his cock up into my clit. I melt into him as he nods his head and kisses me gently. He rests his forehead upon my own and continues with his circles. I’m growing wet below him as my arousal begins to seep between our bodies.

My fear fades as his hips work to erase my flashback. I take a deep breath, feeling lighter as he tenses up on top of me. My eyes meet his fearful ones. I nod gently to let him know I’m listening.

“My dad, coming at me, throwing his beer bottle at my head to try and hurt me. Slow me down so he could beat the fuck out of me. I was getting away,” Bash whispers as I cry for his pain, bucking my hips up into his. He hisses as I grind with purpose against his dick. I lick his jaw, his nose, his lips, kissing away the painful memory and trying to implant myself over it. His breathing finally slows again as he circles his body into mine. A couple minutes pass as we work together as one, bearing each other’s trauma and replacing it with pleasure. But the silence breaks when I spasm below him. He waits for my confession patiently.

“The first time I was raped, Luke laughed at me. He thought I was kidding. Then he got mad at me and told me that it was my fault. That I obviously wasn’t complying with the client’s demands and that he would always side with them over me.”

Sebastian:

It rips my heart out. Her confession. Her pain . The things she’s been through at the hands of that fuckhead .

“The first time?” I echo hollowly as she cries, nodding, allowing my weight to be her comfort. I remove my hands from hers and pull her into me, holding her by the back of her head as she drenches my neck with her former trauma. It brings up a memory of my own.

“I once cried in front of my dad because my only friend from school died, and he punched me in the face. He said emotional pain wasn’t real, but being hit was. When I told my mom, she just smiled and said that he was hungry because she had been late with dinner.” Alina squeezes me in her arms. Her cum coats my cock as she and I hump each other into submission. Her hips work faster as we use each other to forget the bullshit we’ve dredged up. Alina pants hard as her clit becomes more sensitive. She frees one of her legs and throws it around my hip, allowing the head of my dick to hit her clit with more force. Her eyes roll back into her head at the new sensation, her mouth parted momentarily with a silent gasp.

“That night I patched you up in the shed made me lose sleep for months,” she admits brokenly. I instantly crumble, my tears finally coming out full force. I grit my teeth in emotional pain, forcing my dick to the entrance of her pussy. I look into her eyes as I sob uncontrollably.

“I never forgave myself for bringing you there that fucking night and I never will.” I push into her hard . Knowing we both need this. She welcomes it with a groan, gripping the back of my neck with her fingernails. I hit it rough for a few strokes as we angrily fuck the pain away from that night. It feels fucking cathartic as we buck into each other savagely. “This shed is my apology for that stupid fucking night, Lina Girl.” I pound her cunt, her titties flying up into her chin as she looks into my eyes, a new darkness there I’m not expecting.

“I wanted to kill your dad that night,” she whispers harshly. “I thought about it while sitting in that shed.”

I’m stunned by her confession. I devour her lips and buck into her hips to show my appreciation. I can’t believe my fucking Lina Girl had been so protective of me. She sighs and slows her body, so I respond by doing the same. I search her face, listening intently. “I also wanted to kill myself. After my brother died. I felt so empty. I’ll never forgive myself for abandoning you either, Bash. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone. Let alone the boy who deserved the world. I had nothing left to offer you. I was broken. So fucking hollow. And then you finally made it big with your music. I knew you always would though, and I was so fucking happy for you. When Luke shot my life to hell, the only thing that got me through at all at first was the thought that I had done you a favor by leaving all those years ago. To see where we had both ended up… I was always a burden.”

I just let the tears fall as I stare at her, fucking dumbfounded, because I don’t know what to say. The fact that she had no idea how fucking special she was to me… It blows my mind . But I also realize that we can’t make others see themselves as we see them. And we were both so young and fucked up for different reasons. “Why don’t we both forgive ourselves for the things we think are unforgivable?” I suggest softly as she looks deep into my eyes. “I think we’ve been carrying this shit for way too fucking long.”

“Please,” she begs as she fucks me tenderly, moving her hips over my dick in the way that only she can. I sink into her and fuck her hard, stroking her pussy for all she’s worth while she lies below me and gratefully takes it. I run the pad of my thumb over her lips and press it against her mouth. She opens, her tongue licking at me lovingly.

“I don’t give a fuck about touring anymore. Being here with you is what I want. It’s all that matters to me. We can do whatever the hell we want to once we kill that motherfucker, Lina Girl. I’m gonna fuck you all over the world and you’ll never have to worry about Luke hurting you or anyone else ever again.”

She smiles, spreading herself wider for me. I sink into her, holding myself in her depths. Her brows lift slightly as she allows me to generously fill her. She breathes harder but doesn’t move to push me off of her. Her eyes focus in on mine.

“And no one will ever make you feel like your feelings don’t matter or that you’re only good for emptily performing ever again. In your home or on stage, baby.” Her words are music to my ears. The thought of being the performance monkey, making everyone but myself happy to the detriment of my mental health was always so fucking depressing. It’s something I no longer want my life revolving around.

“No one is telling us what to do anymore, Lina Girl,” I growl as she bites at my jaw. She grabs my face, looking me deeply in my eyes as she grinds her hips below me.

“It’s me and you forever, Bash. It always has been. And it always will be,” she whispers as I begin to pet her face again. I’m obsessed with her soft mouth today as I press two fingers beyond her lips. She sucks them so gingerly, so sexily, so lovingly. Her tongue writhes against them, her teeth nipping at my knuckles. She whimpers around my fingers as I rut into her wet cunt. She bites me harder as a result, so I fuck her back with a wicked slap of my hips into hers, making her purr beneath me, her lips turning up at the edges.

“You playing with me, Lina Girl?” I ask as I nudge her cheek with my nose. She nods her head yes with a wicked smirk. I laugh, the mood between us so much lighter. More than it’s been in years.

“Forever and always, Bash Cox ,” she teases as she impales herself on my dick by throwing her hips forward. I grin as we begin to race each other to the finish line. Alina busts all over me as I come aggressively inside her sweet fucking cunt. We feel like different people as we look at each other. We fucking are. We’ve taken back bits of our bodies and freed ourselves of past trauma together. I’ve never felt so happy or hopeful for my future. Besides the current obstacle we still have in front of us.

“You’ve got to be starving, my slutty, little trauma breaker,” I say as she tightens her pussy around me, forcing me to close my eyes from the sensitivity of my dick as she growls playfully.

“Feed me,” she demands with a smirk. I nod compliantly. She gets anything she wants.

“Yes, princess,” I say as I dip my head and lick her perky nipple. She giggles, jumping in my arms. “French fries?” Her eyes widen as her smile does too.

“Carl’s Jr.?!” she shouts animatedly. I let out a deep laugh, reminding me of the one she forced from my body in detention that first day we met as I finally pull my cock out of her precious cunt.

“Only the best for my girl.”

She swoons.