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CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

ST. CLARE

We head back up to Onyx’s apartment, all of us cramming into the tiny space, and while the relief in my soul over finding Colin is immense, I only have eyes for one man.

I’m sick at the thought of what they’re planning.

“So …” I confirm, to make sure I’m following as Onyx sets out some freshly baked cookies. “Arlie will take Perry to Lethal Poison and tell Luther that he’ll get Colin once she gets the address?”

“Not quite,” Tommy says, licking crumbs off his fingers. “She’s going to show him footage of Colin—maybe we’ll set up downstairs—all tied up and gagged with Ever waiting with him. Once he hands over the address, I’ll intercept the feed and create a deepfake of Ever shooting Colin. In other words, it’ll look real but won’t actually be real. Then Luther will think Colin’s dead, Arlie will leave, and …”

“And the rest is up to me,” Perry finishes.

That’s the part I’m most worried about. Arlie has to leave without him so that Luther doesn’t know they’re working together, but to do that, she has to leave Perry completely unprotected. With a man who wants him dead. And my beautiful, amazing, precious soul of a human refuses to come up with a plan to get himself out.

“I still think we need a contingency plan,” I push. “What if something goes wrong and Perry can’t get out? We can’t just leave him.”

“We won’t.” Onyx is firm about that. “My friends and I will start hell in the bar the second we see Arlie leave.”

I mean, that’s … something.

Perry is so determined to do this, though, that there isn’t really anything else I can do. It just feels as though my heart is being shredded, and I hate, hate, hate uncertainty. It isn’t something I knew about myself before now because I’ve never really been tested. Uncertain times in my life were whether Saint Clare’s would go well—and I had a full, controlled plan to ensure it would—and beyond that, it was college and following my parents’ rules and … well, apparently, I’ve been far too sheltered to be thrown into whatever the fuck we’re currently in.

They go back to discussing logistics, which I’m not really a part of, and when Perry glances up and catches my eye, his expression goes from hopeful to concerned. He leaves the others, and I step out into the small hallway. He follows me, bringing the smell of bath wash and the sight of his sweet eyes with him.

“What’s that look?” he asks.

“Not sure what you mean? It’s definitely not blind terror or existential dread.”

He cracks a smile at that. “It’ll be fine.”

“As fine as the last time you saw Luther?”

“Exactly.”

It’s always impossible to know whether Perry is joking or not, but in this instance, I’m certain he isn’t. “What part of being threatened to give up my brother or die was successful to you?”

“The part where I didn’t die.”

For him, maybe it is that simple. “You really think you’ll be lucky a second time?”

“I’m counting on it.”

“You put way too much faith in the universe.”

“My horoscope confirmed it though. Ask Lars.”

“Well, if your horoscope says it, it must be true …”

“Between that and my bracelet, I’ve got this.” His eyes soften, and he steps forward, pulling me into his arms. God, it feels good to be here. So good that I refuse to remind myself of how limited our time like this might be. “You’re sexy when you worry about me,” Perry says.

“I’m even sexier when my nerves aren’t on edge.”

His lips brush the side of my neck. “I’m sure I’ll find that out one day.”

“Soon, hopefully.”

“That’s why I’m doing this, you know.” The brown of his eyes is so earnest and warm I want to wrap myself in it. Those gorgeous eyelashes fan out, and it’s so hard to think of Perry as anything but this innocent, precious man who triggers my urge to protect him.

I cup his chin, and we stand there, looking at each other, my heart trying to beat its way to him.

He clears his throat and says in a voice two notches deeper than usual, “Your shoulder is the perfect spot for my face.”

“My shoulder?”

He nods. “And when I get worried about pulling this next part off, I just need to look at you because I know you’ll be looking at me, and when you do … it’s like you think I can do anything. No one’s ever looked at me like that before.”

“You can.” I hate admitting that. I hate going against my worry and encouraging this, but it’s true. If anyone can pull this off, it’s him. It’s the if part that worries me though, and what if no one can pull this off? There’s no way I can lose him, and all I know is that there are so many things I want to say to him that I’ll always regret if I never get the chance.

So I break down those thoughts.

Ignore the way it makes me feel sick to be vulnerable.

And I channel Perry and the way he can do anything.

“I want us to be more,” I say. “Once this is over, I want us to be dating. Properly. No games. We’ve had enough of that. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone I want in my life the way I want you, and I think we can do it. After all this, I really think we can get through anything. ”

My heartbeat is so insistent it’s making me feel sick, but with every word I get out, Perry’s smile grows.

“Why wait?” he asks. Then he leans in, lips pressing to mine, and he kisses me in a way that gives me hope. That makes me really believe we can get through this. “You’re already mine, pookie,” he mutters against my mouth.

I sigh at the worst pet name I’ve ever heard, but he gets this one. That can be a hill I die on at a later date. “Promise you’ll come back.”

“I don’t need to promise. I just will.”

I try to channel his confidence. “You will.”

“And then we’ll tell everyone that we’re boyfriends, and you’ll introduce me to your parents, and I can take you on a date and?—”

I kiss him again, more terrified than ever.

Perry is the sweetest man I’ve ever met, and there’s no way that’s going to waste. Not when I’ve only just found him.

I trust his process.

No plans.

Just vibes.

He can do this.