Page 45

Story: Highland Secrets

Gwyn lay upon the mattress alone in her chamber staring absently at a solitary place upon the wall in the growing darkness.

She understood the sun had risen and it had fallen below the horizon's edge several times since she had been brought to her chamber.

She truly had no comprehension of how often, but she did not care.

She would never care for the pain and the emptiness that assailed her mind left her powerless to do so.

As had several times over each day that passed, she heard the door as it opened quietly.

She did not draw her eyes from the place upon the wall as her mother appeared before her.

Gwyn found she could not move her gaze even though the Lady Morwenna's body broke into her line of sight.

She simply stared forward, unblinking and not acknowledging her presence.

'Please, leave me alone.'

It was the same as it had been each and every time she had gained entry. Her mother would sigh heavily as she replaced the previous untouched tray with the one she held. Gwyn felt nothing and knew it was entirely possible she would never do so again.

As she lay upon the bed, a sudden thought filled her mind that Durell must be frightened and confused. Not even for him could she bring herself around to a place beyond her grief. She also knew her mother and her father were near. He at least had them to hold on to. She simply had nothing.

As her mother moved from her sight as if to exit the chamber, she heard the soft voices behind her.

While neither registered clearly within her mind, she could tell one was female and most likely that of her mother and the other male.

The grip of the pain had been squeezing so intently upon her very lifeline that she could not quite comprehend the voices or the words spoken.

Nor did it matter. She only knew in her misery, she wished to be alone with her own despair.

And Gwyn wanted to die.

While she knew she did not have the strength or the means to do anything so rash, she knew she could take no more.

She had a burning desire to be left alone and if that was for the remainder of her days upon this earth, then so be it.

As she heard the door close quietly behind her, she moved to rise from the place that had been hers these last unknown number of days.

There was nothing she heard beyond the doorway of her room so knew whoever had been present was now gone. She wanted peace and solitude and now had but one thought upon her mind.

Gwyn understood the trek across the chamber would be difficult especially in her weakened state.

She had taken no nourishment since she had entered her chamber even though her mother had attempted many times.

When she rose from her bed, she moved almost as if she were a young bairn just learning to walk for the very first time.

Nevertheless, she was resolute in her plan.

Finally after several shaky steps across the floor, Gwyn found herself leaning heavily up against the wooden door.

Her breath was coming forcefully from her difficult journey as her heartbeat thundered profoundly within her mind.

When she heard the distinct sound of the bolt as she moved it into place to prevent all those from entering, what she had presumed to be a relief instead felt as if darkness had descended heavily upon her.

Her mind screamed out in its misery as the obscurity of her position grew.

'Oh, Iver, what am I to do without you? I cannot-'

Because of her weakened state and the misery she felt, Gwyn could move but a few paces to the side of the entryway and leaned against the cool stone wall.

Slowly, her legs gave up their ability to hold her as she slid down the unyielding rocks to the floor.

For many moments, she sat without moving as she drew her knees towards her breast. Slowly, she placed her face into her hands while the tears fell heavily.

On and on she silently cried as the misery consumed her.

Gwyn knew someone was most likely knocking upon her door but the pain she felt would not allow her to answer nor did she have any desire to heed the beckoning.

She still had such a burning need for privacy as she was fully consumed by her misery.

Nor did she move when the pounding appeared to grow louder.

'Iver…I want my Iver!'

Gwyn could not reconcile herself to his loss. Again, she conceded to the emptiness within her heart and the loneliness she knew to be hers that would last forever.

Even when she heard the splintering of wood, she did not raise her head from within her hands nor care what was happening around her.

As the pain continued to proliferate within her breast, she found she could not stop the tears as they rushed down her cheeks nor the sobs as they wracked her body.

The pain was so fierce she began to rock herself forward and back, forcing her body and her head violently into the unforgiving wall.

But the pain that she felt upon her body was so much more preferred to the agony growing within her heart.

It was not until strong arms surrounded her and she was placed upon Donnan's lap as he sat himself upon the floor did she remove her hands from her face.

He pressed her head into his shoulder as he held on to her fiercely.

Gently, he took up the movement of rocking her while whispering soothing words into her ears she could not really hear nor comprehend.

Gwyn almost felt as if she were a small bairn as she turned within Donnan's arms and grasped of his shirt desperately.

In the comfort of his arms, she felt given the permission to release her misery in any way she could.

She buried her face into his chest as she sobbed and allowed her strangled cries to come forth.

"No, Donnan, tell me this is not true! He cannot be gone! He would never have left me alone!"

The sounds of her misery echoed loudly off the hardened stone walls as the noise bit furiously within her breast. On and on this gentle man who had been her strength and her friend, had provided his silent permission to express all she needed to convey.

It was a long while later when the tears would come no more and all that remained were the hiccups of her misery. Slowly, she drew in her breaths deeply all the while praying for the chance to wake up from this devastating nightmare that was hers.

But she now finally conceded that would never happen.

While her body was completely spent, her mind was surprisingly lucid.

In that one moment of pure clarity when she saw within her mind the magnificent blue of his eyes and the burning desolation upon his face, she knew.

She understood he would not want her this way and would be saddened by her grief.

Gwyn also now understood for some reason yet unknown to her, she had been blessed by his presence within her life.

Even if it had only been for a short while.

He was there when she needed him the most and had touched her heart as no one else ever had.

Sadly, she conceded, there was no one else who ever would.

It was up to her to follow her chosen path and whatever that ended up to be.

She did not pretend to understand of her fate any more, she simply knew she had a burning desire now to survive.

Gwyn had a sudden yearning to be strong now, then deal with the rest of all she was to become, later. Much, much later.