Page 37 of High Stakes and Soulmates (Fanged Mistakes #3)

CYRUS

Present

“So that is why I’m perfectly happy dealing with all of this alone,” Ezio says with a smile. It’s not a very warm one and it’s plain to see he’s plastered it on.

“We’re not dying,” Casimir responds, as though it’s as simple as that to determine such a thing.

Ezio gives him a look. “You think my brother was like, ‘Oh, today feels like a good day to die’?” he asks, but his tone is a bit sharp, and it makes Julian squeeze Casimir’s leg.

We all know that sometimes Casimir gets into a state of mind where he believes that nothing can stop him. But the moment it does…

“I can’t fathom how hard it was to deal with all of that,” Julian says, voice gentle. “I’m so sorry.”

Julian gets up and kneels in front of Ezio, taking his hands, and I’m suddenly hit with a stab of jealousy. Why does he get to comfort him? And why does Ezio immediately latch on to him?

Right… because I’ve been the asshole who has pushed him away. Because I was so determined that it was better for me to sink in my puddle of self-doubt and sadness than accept him. Because I didn’t think I deserved him.

“Do you want me to turn into a werewolf?” Julian asks Ezio.

“No,” I say before I can stop myself.

Julian quickly looks over at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I’m sure the last thing you want to see right now is a werewolf.”

I hesitate because I know that’s not why I said it.

I said it because I’m over here hating the idea of Ezio relying on Julian when Julian already has Casimir.

When I’m sitting right here all alone… and I don’t want to be alone anymore.

Even when I heard Casimir urging Ezio to leave the hospital while it was still dark, I selfishly hoped he wouldn’t. I wanted him to stay so badly.

“Sorry… I just… I was hoping he could help me to my room. I want to lie down,” I blurt out. And it’s such a foolish excuse.

“Of course,” Ezio says as he drops Julian’s hands, and I find myself upset at my actions. Was I really so jealous that he was getting the comfort he needed? Am I really such a horrible person?

“I can go alone. I’m sorry,” I tell him while I push myself up.

“I can help,” Ezio says, his face showing his concern. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

“I just…” I trail off, not even sure how to fix what I’ve already said.

He takes me over to a bedroom that’s on the first floor so I don’t have to climb the stairs. And once inside, he pulls the covers back.

But before I sit down, I decide I need to say something. “I’ve been so shitty to you that I don’t even understand why you’ve ever liked me, but now that you want to pull away, I’ve discovered how awful of a person I am because I don’t want you to look at anyone else,” I admit.

Ezio stares at me before giving me a soft smile. “I’m sure it’s the pain medication and what happened making you say that.”

“You’re joking,” I say, feeling disbelief that he’d write off my feelings as part of my trauma.

Or maybe he just wants to push me away and knows that saying it would upset me.

He wants to make sure that I’m nowhere near when Louis comes back.

And how selfish is it of me to be upset that he’s pushing my feelings away when it’s all I’ve done until now?

“I don’t want to be liked by you,” he whispers.

“Same with that bullshit out there from Casimir. That… ‘Oh, I won’t die so it doesn’t matter’ shit.

People fucking die. Louis is old. He’s older than Casimir.

Hell, he might be older than Atticus. He is influential.

He has vampires on his side, and now that I realize that I’ve put your life at risk?—”

“Did Arturo know his life was at risk when he ran with you?” I ask.

He hesitates. “Yes.”

“But you still let him run.”

Ezio adamantly shakes his head. “A regret I think about every day. If I hadn’t let him run?—”

I reach out and grab his wrist. “Did he want to run?”

“Yes, but I should have stopped him.”

“Did he know what might happen?”

“I’m sure he knew better than anyone. He knew even better than me, and I’d just watched that monster kill my brother and everyone in my unit. There wasn’t a single person left alive but me. And he left me alive because he knew it’d hurt me worse than killing me.”

“And Arturo still chose to run with you,” I point out.

Ezio shakes his head again. It’s like my words are reaching him, but he’s not wanting to hear them. “It doesn’t make it any better.”

“It was his choice. He made his choice.”

“I shouldn’t have let him! I should have run before daylight. I knew Arturo would come during the day, so I stayed. I wasted time. I should have run somewhere he’d never find me and he would have lived.”

“It was never about running, Ezio. It was about the fact that he would rather risk death by being with you than live. He would rather have died than missed a moment with you,” I say as I take his other hand and squeeze them both.

He’s not pulling from me; instead, I can feel the way his fingers grip mine.

Ezio looks away from me. “No, it?—”

“Is that not the truth?”

“Fuck if I know!”

“You let him make his choice, so why can’t I make mine?

” I ask. “I know how hard it is to lose someone and then open up your heart to loving again. Yes, my loss was different, but I know what it feels like to be afraid that you’ll have to live through loss again.

But isn’t it my choice to decide whether or not I’m prepared for what comes from loving you?

You let him make his choice. Let me make mine. ”

“No. Because I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

I feel a bit weak, so I release his hands and sit down on the bed.

He stares at his hands like he wants my touch back, but I don’t know what to do.

“I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize the way I felt about you.

I had to find myself first. I had to work on myself and realize that I didn’t have to sacrifice my life to avenge my family—that I could be happy too.

And I’m sorry it took me nearly dying to discover how happy it makes me that you’re in my life.

If you want to be pissed at me for how I treated you up until now, I understand.

But don’t turn away because of what that man said. ”

Ezio says nothing, and I realize that maybe I really did fuck up. I deserve this. I deserve whatever he hands out to me.

But I’m greedy and don’t want to.

“I understand,” I say as I lie down. “You can go and do whatever you want.”

“I want to make sure you don’t need anything.” He sounds so defeated and I hate it, but it’s not right for me to force him.

“Go sleep. You’ve stared at me for days, and I’ve barely seen you sleep.”

“I don’t need to sleep.”

“If you must stare at me, sleep in the bed with me. Then you’ll know if anything happens. I’ll stay on my side.” I roll away so I don’t have to see him leave.

Ezio’s quiet for a moment before I hear him drop his jeans.

Then he climbs into the bed next to me. When I turn to look at him, he’s facing away from me, but I can see the tension in his body.

Even though I promised him I wouldn’t touch him, I roll into him, well aware he likely doesn’t want me, but I can’t stop myself.

Careful of lifting my arm too high because of my shoulder, I wrap my arms around him as he stiffens.

“What are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself,” he says. But I don’t care if it does hurt, I just want to comfort him like Julian did.

“I’m so sorry about what happened to your brother,” I whisper. “I’m sorry you had no one to grieve with, but you have me now. You have Casimir and Julian?—”

“What if he takes all of you from me like he did last time? I just don’t understand how someone can hate me so much, can despise every inch of me to the point of wanting to ruin my life like this.

For so many years, he’s done everything he can to ruin me.

And he really has. He’s ruined so much of me.

He manipulated me until I feel like any time I’m happy, there’s darkness looming around the corner, waiting to take it away from me.

And this last time, with him playing dead, was it not to allow me to accept others?

To make me feel like it was okay to care about people and have others in my life just so he could take them from me? ” he asks as I squeeze him against me.

My hand digs into his shirt, needing something to hold on to. He sets his hand on mine, and at first, I’m afraid he’s going to push my hand off him, but instead, he takes my hand in his and squeezes it while he holds it up to his chest. Then he lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it.

“Cyrus, after he’s finally dead, can I ask you on a date?”

“I see no reason why we have to wait until he’s dead,” I say.

“I have to wait.”

“No. You have to live every moment of your life like it’s yours . Don’t let him rule your life. That’s what he wants. If you want to ask me on a date, ask me on a date.”

Ezio’s quiet and I can feel the way his hands tremble. I tuck my head in the crook between his shoulder and neck and close my eyes. Why did I fight against this comfort for so long? It feels so damn good. Has anything ever felt this good? I’m not sure it has.

The tension that’d filled my body the moment that monster attacked me—or hell, maybe back when Louis attacked my home—was always following me, but now… now I feel more at peace than I ever have. Now if only I could help Ezio find the peace he so clearly deserves.

I can tell Ezio is crying, even if he’s completely silent. I don’t know if he’s crying for the brother he lost, the lover, or the fact that Louis is determined to start the cycle all over again. But I just tighten my arms and press him to me, hoping that I can offer him at least a bit of comfort.

“It’ll be okay. It might not feel like it. But it’ll be okay,” I whisper.

“I should be comforting you. You got fucking mauled by a werewolf. Your whole life is changing… I’ve dragged you into my bullshit.”

“I feel oddly happy,” I admit.