Page 11 of High Stakes and Soulmates (Fanged Mistakes #3)

EZIO

Past

“You did good,” Lorenzo says as I stand in the middle of the room surrounded by death.

He just waltzes in after the fact instead of getting his hands dirty and praises me like I’m a fighting dog.

The look on my face must encourage him to say more because he continues.

“Ezio, they were criminals. This group is known for moving illegal arms and the assassination of several highly influential families. They are not good people. And we’re finally narrowing down their numbers. ”

He sees monsters and all I see are dead people.

At least I didn’t have to go in alone this time, but it didn’t make it any better. I still ended up killing four of them myself. Their blood is on my hands like a stain to remind me of what I’ve done.

The others are rejoicing. One of them is laughing, and my eyes fixate on the one who seems to be getting a kick out of it.

“Did you see that guy? He woke up and he was like a fucking bird hopping around like ‘What do I do? What do I do?’ Typical men who are used to fucking over innocents; they have no idea what to do when faced with someone who can fight back.”

“He literally pissed himself.”

“I saw that!”

Lorenzo grabs the front of my shirt and jerks me into another room.

“Ezio, don’t disappoint me. I know you’re not like the rest. We’ve been here for months now, and I’ve let you galivant all around with that pretty boy you’re obsessed with.

I don’t let any of my other soldiers just fuck around like that.

So enjoy your time during off hours, but during my hours, you’re doing your fucking job. ”

“Do I not?” I ask. “I killed four people tonight. Did anyone else kill four?”

Lorenzo gives me a look. “You know what I mean. You’re crashing. I can see you spiraling. You need to toughen up. They’re monsters. You’re killing monsters.”

All I see are people. People who had lives. People who had parents and children… what if their child rushes in? What if I have to hear their child scream for them?

I rush out the door, nausea rolling through me. I know Lorenzo didn’t excuse me to go but he’s not going to stop me. I get on my horse, Valley, and direct her back toward town. At least I can hide in my room. I can breathe in there.

The mare slows when I reach the hitching post, but I feel like I want to take her and run into the darkness and away from my problems. Run to Arturo.

I need to untack her and put her away, but as I dismount and reach to pull her reins over her head, I realize how fucking bloody my hands are. When did I get so much blood on me?

“Ezio?”

I freeze when I hear that voice, the voice I generally long for…

the voice I currently dread to hear when I’m in this state.

My attention snaps over to the front of the house we’ve been staying in since we got here four months ago.

And I find that in the light of the moon, I can see Arturo sitting on the stairs.

“I saw you were out, so I was waiting for you,” he says as he gets up.

“Stop!” I shout.

He can’t see me. He can’t see me covered in blood. He can’t know what I’ve done. He can’t know that I’m becoming a monster. Or is it already too late for me? Have I already become one?

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Stop, stop, stop!” I yell before dropping the reins to my horse and rushing toward the stable. “Please, just stop.”

I hurry inside and find a bucket of water that I dunk my hands into. I start scrubbing at them, using my nails to scrape away the drying blood until my skin is red, but it’s not enough. What if he smells it on me? What if I missed something?

A gentle hand takes mine and pulls it out of the discolored water. “Stop,” Arturo says, voice soft. “You’re hurting yourself. Stop.” He cups some water and pours it over my wrist while he swipes away drying drops of blood that I missed.

“I didn’t want to do it,” I whisper.

“Then why’d you do it? Is he making you?” he asks.

I realize that I don’t even know what to say. I’ve caved and told him my role in the army, but I’ve never specified beyond that.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, voice gentle. “You don’t have to tell me. But I don’t want you destroying yourself. You seem to be tearing yourself apart. You’re too good of a person. There aren’t many people like you left in this world.”

“No, I’m not a good person,” I protest.

“I know you killed a man the night we first met. He wasn’t a good man. I know it hurt you greatly, but I also know he’d hurt many. Does that give you any solace?”

Arturo reaches out and I feel how tense my body is as he draws me forward.

My hands are wet and dripping, my flesh red and bleeding from the force I’d used to claw at them, but he doesn’t care.

He pulls me in and wraps me up in his arms. And I just melt into him.

It’s like when I’m with him, I can finally breathe.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t apologize to me. Why would you apologize?” He pushes my chin up so he can look me in the eyes. “I’m no stranger to the darkness of this world. You don’t have to hide from me.”

I can hear his words, but still, I feel ashamed. I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never be who I need to be for him.

“I was suffocating before I met you,” I admit. “And now… now I feel like I’m suffocating for a whole different reason.”

Arturo gives me a look of concern. “I was hoping I made things better for you. You definitely make things better for me.”

“No! You do. I just mean that knowing you makes me want… more. Before I met you, I knew where my life was going; I knew that no matter what I did, it’d just keep moving forward and I would keep suffocating.

But you give me hope for something more, and every time I wake up, I realize that someone like me is never going to get something more. ”

“Hmm… I think that the issue is that you hate yourself. There’s so much out there, Ezio. There’s a whole world for you, but you’ve boxed yourself into this idea that you need to punish yourself for what you’ve done. Stop punishing yourself. Stop hurting yourself. You don’t deserve it.”

“Why don’t I? Why do you think that I don’t deserve it?” I ask. “I am a monster. I’ve ruined so many lives.”

“How many lives were they ruining? You told me in secret that you’re with the army. I can’t fathom they’re having you kill innocent people. And I know you’re a good person. You’re so good and that’s what makes you so damn special.” His hand slides up my cheek, and I lean into it.

“You’re the only thing that’s good,” I whisper.

“I’m not perfect. I’m still just human,” Arturo says as he leans in and kisses me softly.

It’s almost like he’s trying to see how I’ll respond.

Even after four months, I’ve never found it in myself to kiss him because I was afraid he wasn’t interested in men.

I was afraid I’d drive him away. And more than anything, I was afraid I’d fall in love and my brother would drive us away from here. Away from him.

But I get lost in the kiss that pulls me away from this world I dread and into a place where I can love.

When I kiss him back, his lips part and I lean into him.

My hand slides behind his back as I draw him into me.

How can his touch just wash everything away?

How can he make me feel whole again? His hand tightens in my hair when I hear the sound of hooves.

I reluctantly pull back, knowing that I can’t be caught kissing him as they ride up. For a moment, he sets his forehead against mine before he steals one more kiss and stands.

“Come on now. Your horse likely wonders if you ran off.”

“Right,” I say as I take the hand he extends to me and let him tug me to my feet.

We head outside to where Valley has wandered over to eat the bushes in front of a nearby inn. I hurry over to collect her while my brother and the others ride up.

My brother immediately takes note of Arturo. “I see you’ve met up with your friend.”

“Good evening,” Arturo says with a smile.

My brother nods at him. I’ve done my best to keep them apart, oddly feeling like my brother will taint him somehow.

“This is Arturo,” I say. “And this is my brother Lorenzo.”

“Brother? I didn’t realize that. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Lorenzo gets down from his horse to greet him properly. “You’ve been doing God’s work.”

Arturo chuckles. “How so?”

“It seems no one can keep that one on a decent path besides you. He’s too much like his mother.”

“His mother must be a wonderful person, then,” Arturo says.

“She was,” Lorenzo agrees. Then he ruffles my hair and leads his horse toward the barn.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell Arturo.

“No rush,” he says, leaning against the hitching post as I take Valley into the barn and start unsaddling her. He knows I like to keep him separate from all of this, so he doesn’t even ask if he can follow me inside.

As I pull Valley’s bridle off, my brother’s second-in-command, Stefano, wanders over to me.

“You’d better be careful playing with that one,” he says.

I look over at him. “What do you mean?”

“I heard that rich guy, Louis Florian… he’s a bit of an asshole. I’d be careful messing with one of his slaves. I heard he killed the last man who took a liking to one of his girls.”

My brother is watching me closely. “You said he’s a servant?”

“That’s what he said,” I answer.

Stefano shakes his head. “I don’t believe that Louis Florian has a single person working for him that he doesn’t own. You’d better watch yourself.”

I don’t know what to say, so I just give him a nod as I pull the saddle free.

Because it’s a cool night, she isn’t sweaty, so I lead her to her stall where hay is waiting for her.

Then I hurry back out to where Arturo waits for me.

He smiles the instant he sees me, and while the others rush off for a drink, the two of us walk out into the night.

“You… work for this Louis Florian, right?”

“I do.”

“Of your own free will?” I ask.

He’s silent for a moment before glancing at me. “Supposedly.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that I am a servant… but it also means that he’s going to find a way to guarantee that I never leave.”

“So you’re a slave?”

Arturo’s quiet and I hate the pained look on his face. I hate that I even bothered asking him. I just want us to both be free from all of this shit.

“I like to believe I’m not… but if I’m being honest, I don’t see Louis ever letting me go.”

“He can’t just…”

“He acquired me when I was merely a child starving to death on the streets. He knows that I would be dead if it weren’t for him. In a way, I owe him my life, so… he believes that life is owed to him.”

I stare at him, hating this. “He wouldn’t let you go? Even if you asked?”

“He’s never let anyone go,” he says.

“Is it money he wants?”

Arturo thinks about this before shaking his head. “I don’t think so. He has all the money he could ever want. He has everything he’s ever wanted, and yet… he never seems happy. I… don’t know if he’ll ever really find what makes him happy.”

“I’m over here always convinced my life is hell, and you’re…” I trail off, feeling horribly selfish.

Arturo smiles. “Don’t think that way. I might not adore every moment of my life, but it’s not a horrible life. He kept me alive so I got to meet you.”

“What happens when I have to leave?” Because I truly don’t know when I’ll have to do so.

So far, the army has kept us stationed undercover in this place that was supposed to be temporary, because the port not far from here was noted to be one of the many locations where illegal contraband was being transported.

“Then maybe someday, you’ll come back here. He does travel a lot, so I’ll do everything I can to let you know where we end up. I would love to have you settle down in a place like this. A place where I can see you every day.”

“He wouldn’t care about that?”

“I hope not. So far he hasn’t,” he says. “He’s well aware I meet with you. He mentioned you a few days after we first met. He must have seen me out with you.”

“I’ve never even seen him.”

“He definitely doesn’t hang out reading books under trees,” he teases.

“True… the rest tend to believe there are much better things for me to be doing.”

“I don’t know about that,” he says as we reach the tree. He slips his fingers between mine and draws me up under the tree before kissing my lips again. “I really like doing things you enjoy doing.”

“Me too,” I respond, feeling almost breathless. “I was afraid you’d be disgusted by me.”

“What’s there to be disgusted about? You are my treasure,” Arturo murmurs as he kisses my cheek. “Wait… you thought I didn’t notice the way you were watching me?”

“Well… I mean… if you did, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because… I was afraid to… I was afraid you’d disappear the moment I did,” he says.

“Me too,” I admit.

“But life is too short to just fear everything.”

And then he draws me in for another kiss.