Page 32 of High Stakes and Soulmates (Fanged Mistakes #3)

CYRUS

Everything hurts but I can’t sleep. Every time I do, I feel like I’m thrown back into that bathroom stall with that monster coming at me with no way to stop it.

I glance over at Ezio, who hasn’t stopped staring at me since I woke up. Hell, I’m positive he stared at me plenty before I woke up, too, but at least I wasn’t conscious for it.

“I just… I feel like I don’t know if I should just stare back or pretend I don’t notice you staring at me,” I say.

Ezio’s eyes catch mine. “Yeah, either of those is fine,” he assures me, like I wasn’t hinting at the fact that he’s being ridiculous staring at me for hours.

“I’m okay. Like… you see that, right? I’m not just going to keel over.”

“They had to give you blood and they had to drag you back from the brink of death?—”

“That first part might have happened, but I’m not so sure the second part did,” I tell him. “No one said anything about the brink of death.”

“You nearly died in my arms,” he says, and I can tell he’s not joking. I’m not sure whether I actually nearly died in his arms or not, but he’s clearly very shaken up about this. The poor man had to deal with his lover dying in his arms, and then I go and traumatize him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why would you apologize?”

“That had to have been really upsetting. But I promise you I’m okay.

I hurt a bit, but I really don’t feel too bad for having been mauled by a werewolf.

I’ve definitely fared worse. Like this one time I…

” I trail off. “I broke my arm… I don’t even remember how, it was so long ago.

I just remember it really fucking hurting, and Joaquin was like, ‘You’re fine!

It’s not broken!’ He probably didn’t want Mom or Dad to think he wasn’t watching me properly or something.

Who knows with him. Anyway, thank you, Ezio, just… thank you for saving my life.”

“I wouldn’t have had to if?—”

I flick my glower onto him. “Do I need to reiterate again how none of this is your fault?”

His expression tells me that it doesn’t matter how many times I say it, he’s never going to believe it.

“Scoot your chair over here,” I demand. Maybe if I can get him closer, I can force him to understand a bit better.

“You need something?” he asks. “Are you hurting? Do you want me to call the doctor? Do you want water? Are you hungry? Are you cold? Are you hot?”

“No… no… and no. I just want you to scoot your chair over.”

Ezio hesitates before giving me a soft smile. “I… shouldn’t.”

“Why?” I ask, wondering what he thinks is going to happen by scooting his chair closer to me. “I’m literally lying over here half dead, and you’re going to refuse?”

“You’re half dead because?—”

The look I give him stops what he was about to say.

“What does scooting your chair close to me cause?”

“It causes me to want to love you,” he says. “But I know I have to pull away from you before I cause you any more pain.”

“Scoot your damn chair over here or I’m going to get up, rip the IV out of my arm, and drag you over here myself.”

“Please don’t do that,” he says as he stands up and slides his chair over to the bed. He sets it next to me and sits down, but in a way that is keeping his body as far from mine as possible. I hold my hand out and he stares at it like he’s never seen a hand before.

“You’re going to refuse to take my hand?” I ask in disbelief.

Ezio slowly reaches out and I snatch it or I’m afraid I’ll be an old man before it makes it to me. I stare at his hand for a long moment before my fingers slide between his. “I really hope Joaquin is okay.”

“Julian is at the store getting you a new phone right now.”

“Thank you… I really did get bitten, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“Being a werewolf isn’t all that bad. And Julian will help you through every part of it,” he assures me.

“And will you help me as well?” I ask since he said it in a way that made it sound like Julian is going to be the only one around to help. “That means you have to be around to do it.”

Ezio slowly nods. “Is that really what you want?”

“I think… nearly dying made me realize how foolish I was being. What have I accomplished in four years besides being alone? It’s like I’ve been the only person unable to move on, but why?

It’s as though I’ve built up this idea that I’m letting them down if I don’t dedicate my every thought to avenging them.

But who the fuck am I letting down? They’re dead.

I don’t want to die with the knowledge that I could have lived a life that I gave up for some fucked-up reason. ”

I reach for my water, but he quickly grabs it and holds it out for me so I don’t have to stretch.

“I can’t love you,” he whispers as his eyes stay averted. “Not after Louis just got done telling me he’s going to kill you just because I care about you.”

“But you’d love me if we killed him?”

He tucks his head until his forehead is touching our hands that are clasped on the bed.

Honestly, I feel hypocritical even fighting him on this when I pushed him off for so long.

But as I was dragged out of that stall by that werewolf, I realized how quickly life could just…

end, so what the fuck was I waiting for?

For all of the pieces to perfectly fall into place so I could then be happy enough to move on?

But life doesn’t work like that. Finding my parents’ killer didn’t automatically fix my life.

And maybe it isn’t the death of the killer that will fill the huge gap in my life.

Has my life not gotten significantly better since Ezio, Casimir, and Julian walked into it?

Even Yorick, who I haven’t known as long.

Of course, I had my brother before that, but he was often doing his own thing, and I was left dealing with the loneliness that crept in and held me down.

“You are the most persistent man I’ve ever met, and suddenly, you’re just…

going to give up? You didn’t give up no matter what I did to you in the past, so why would you give up now?

” And isn’t it selfish of me to ask that?

But I can’t lose him. Even if it’s just as a friend, even if he truly never wants anything more, as long as he’s in my life, I think I’ll be able to keep moving forward.

“That’s because I liked everything you did to me,” he says.

“I was evil!”

“Maybe I liked it!”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have! And now that I’m being nice, you’re like, ‘Nah, not for me.’”

“No! No, I’m not. That’s not it.”

“You sure are. Is it that you only liked me when I was evil? But now that I’m half dead you’re like, ‘I can do better’?”

The smallest smile creeps up on Ezio’s face. “I like you no matter what form you show up in, whether it’s as a docile kitten or a raging dragon.”

“You have it bad,” I realize.

“Maybe.”

“Then you better show me just how bad you do have it.”

He perks up and I don’t realize why until I hear the sound of footsteps. Could I have heard them before? I don’t know if I could have, especially with all the noise in this place. People are coming in and out and there are patients on both sides of me, so the noise is quite loud.

The curtain draws back and Julian peeks in. “Okay for me to come in?”

“Of course,” I say. “Do you have my new phone?”

“I do. I’m so sorry, Cyrus. I’m so extremely sorry that happened to you. I mean… being a werewolf isn’t the worst, but it’s still… something. And to have been turned the way you were had to have been horrible for you to go through.”

“Everything ended up okay,” I assure him as I take the phone and input my information into it. When it finally connects, I see that I have missed calls from Joaquin. The relief over seeing his name is unexplainable.

Immediately, I tap the number, upset that I didn’t have it memorized so I could have called it from Ezio’s phone. The fact that he called me tells me that he’s okay, that he’s still alive, and that’s what I needed to know.

I press the phone against my ear and listen to it ring and ring before the call is finally accepted.

“Cyrus!” Joaquin says.

“Oh fuck,” I whisper, realizing how terrified I’d been that something had happened to him. I didn’t want to upset Ezio and cause him to do something reckless in an attempt to find him when he could be perfectly safe, so I’d been trying to keep it to myself.

“Where are you? Are you okay? After the vampire attacked Donovan, I tried leading him away so he wouldn’t know you were there, but… I don’t think I accomplished a whole lot before I ran into Ezio… I’m afraid he’d have killed me if I hadn’t… so tell him thank you from me.”

“I’m fine,” I assure him. “I’m okay. Where are you?”

“I’m hiding out at a hotel. I can’t go home; I can’t risk leading him to you.”

“I have Ezio, Casimir, Julian, and Yorick… they’ve promised to help. Please come here and stay with us. We’re going to stop him.”

“Where are you right now?” he asks.

I know I can’t tell him the truth or he’ll double down on staying away from me. “What happened?”

“Why are you avoiding my question? Did you get hurt?”

“I’m with Ezio. I’m perfectly safe, I promise.”

“You keep refusing to answer my question.”

“I only got a little hurt. I’m fine. I promise.”

“I can’t involve you in this,” Joaquin decides. I knew he’d say that the moment he realized I’d gotten hurt.

“I’m involved no matter what. So just meet me at Casimir’s, please.”

“I can’t,” he says. “I really can’t. I should never have taken you to Donovan’s with me. I should have stayed away.”

“Why?” I ask. “You’re being unreasonable.”

“Because I can’t draw more attention to you. I’m safe here. I promise.”

“Joaquin, please. Casimir and the others can keep us safe.”

“Let me think about what to do, okay? I’ll contact you. Let me think.”

“Okay,” I say. Hell… maybe it is better for him to just hide.

He’s so confident he’s protecting me by hiding, yet he has no idea that it isn’t him they’re after but me.

It was me all along. But if he knows that, will he come to me and risk his life?

If Ezio, who is hundreds of years old, can’t go up against Louis, can my brother who has absolutely no experience fighting?

Maybe it is better for him to stay away…

I decide I’ll talk to the others about it, and for now, I’ll just leave him to keep hiding. “Just… promise me you won’t do anything reckless.”

“Same for you. Stay with Ezio or Casimir or whoever. They’ll keep you safe.”

“Okay. I’ll contact you soon.”

“Perfect,” he says. And when the call ends, I look at Ezio.

“I assume you could hear the conversation. I don’t know what’s safest for him.”

“What if he stays somewhere like Genevieve’s, like we did with Delwin? If he was only turned a few years ago, he’s quite young and really shouldn’t be caught up in this,” Julian suggests.

“He obviously couldn’t hold his own against Louis,” Ezio says. “So that’s a good idea, but I don’t know if Genevieve is strong enough. If Louis were to learn that someone he wanted was there… I don’t know if her group could protect themselves against him.”

Julian looks at him in surprise. “How old is this guy?”

“I don’t know, significantly older than me,” Ezio says.

The werewolf doctor comes in before we can say anything more and smiles. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

“Okay, thank you.”

“You’re cleared to be moved out of ICU, but we’re not too full today, so I’ve requested you stay here until tonight so Ezio can remain with you. Once you’re moved upstairs, you’ll end up in a room with a window.”

“I really appreciate that,” I tell him.

“Of course. Now let me have a look at you,” he says as he comes over.

When he’s finally done with his exam, I turn back to Julian and Ezio, but it seems like neither of them knows the best thing to do either.