Page 67 of High Season

FIFTY-THREE

In the seconds before Tamara loses consciousness, she thinks of Josie.

The first time she saw her. Early mornings, the salt pool at sunrise. The two of them, kicking beneath the water.

She can feel a strange sensation in her head, a numbness that wasn’t there a moment ago. A moment ago she was above the water, and now, somehow, she is here. Somehow, the world has turned blue around her, and she can see the refracted glow of fairy lights above.

She thinks then of how, last night, after she had shredded her diary, tossed the pages into the sea, she had gone up to her room and found Josie waiting for her there.

How they had sat on her bed together. How Josie had told Tamara that it was alright.

That there was nothing wrong with her; she understood why Tamara was sad, and angry. Why she lashed out.

She loved Tamara, too. Just not in that way. Not like that.

But you will find someone who does, she had said. You will find someone who loves you back.

In those words, Tamara felt the bad twin inside her wither and die. Maybe there was hope. A chance for Tamara to be good at last.

It was only yesterday, but now it feels so far away. It feels like a thousand years ago, and yet it also feels like it is happening to her right now. As if Josie is here with her, saying these words all over again. You will find someone who loves you back.

Tamara knows that she is underwater. She knows that the world is slipping away from her. That she should reach for the surface. But she is tired. So, so tired. There is a warmth, a peace here. Sleep, folding her close. Darkness, drawing in.

In the last moment before she leaves this world, Tamara is swimming. She is kicking hard against the water. She is breaking its surface, and above the waves is Josie. Waving her arms. Calling Tamara’s name.

Cheering Tamara on, as she swims across the sea toward her.