Page 46

savannah

I thought it was difficult to forget about him before, but seeing him standing here, leaning against my door with that hollow look in his eyes, it’s unbearable.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” His voice has a raspiness to it that isn’t usually there, and as someone who pays attention to all his different voices, this one is new.

Taking a deep breath I pull my shoulders back, and close the few feet of distance between us.

“I wish you would do the same,” I say, sticking my key in the lock.

“Savvy.” His hand brushes my shoulder but I knock it off, feeling completely overwhelmed.

“Don’t!” I yell louder than intended, and I immediately regret it when I see the utter despair on his face.

His eyes are normally so bright and hopeful, but they are looking at me like he’s already lost the fight.

I exhale a heavy breath, my shoulders falling and I struggle to make sure tears don’t follow them.

“Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off, okay? We’ll call it quits now instead of tomorrow or the next day. ”

“I don’t want to call it quits any day.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, my chest feeling tight. “ Noah.” My voice cracks. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

I open my front door and step inside. His hand reaches over my head, smacking against the wood to keep it open.

“I just want to talk. Please. I know you’re not in the habit of giving out second chances, but I’m begging. You have to let me apologize for what he said to you. If you can’t forgive me for that, I’ll understand, but you have to let me try.”

“You think I’m mad because your dad had some sort of childish outburst?”

The crease from his dreams forms between his eyes. “Well, yeah?—”

“I don’t give a shit what your dad says to me,” I seethe.

“No offense, Noah, but the guy sucks. He might want the world for you—” I shake my head.

“I’m not even sure I believe that’s what he wants, but whatever he does want, there are ways to go about it without manipulating people or abusing them. ”

“I agree.” His voice is too calm in comparison to my shouting, and he nods his head once while holding open the door. We stand in this space, much like our relationship, with one foot in and the other dangling on the outside as we wait with bated breath to see where we end up.

It’s too much, though. The heaviness, the hurt, and the anger are too much. I cross my arms but soften my eyes and tone.

“I heard what he said,” I admit. “I heard all of it. And I heard you agree with him to do whatever it takes.”

“Savannah.”

“Noah, I can't do this!” My voice betrays me, and the sob that I was holding back explodes out of me. “I let you in! I trusted you to be different, to… to not hurt me, but now look at me.” I lift my arms and don’t bother wiping away my tears.

“Not only do I look like an idiot, but I’m broken.

My heart hurts. It physically hurts!” I slap an open palm against my ch est, and in one stride, Noah closes the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me, and even though I don’t want to, I let him.

I know I shouldn’t, but when the door falls closed behind him and his clean, comforting scent envelops me, I melt into him as sobs rack my body.

“No, Savannah. No,” he murmurs against the top of my head. “No.”

I hiccup, trying to catch my breath, and he pulls back just enough to cradle my face between his hands. My tears drip down onto the pads of the thumbs and he forces me to look at him. “Tell me this, did you run away before or after I told him to go fuck himself?”

The air stills in my lungs and I feel sick all over again. My mind immediately goes to Victoria because if she will never forgive herself for Noah having to endure his dad all these years, how could I ever forgive myself for being the reason it was all for nothing?

“What did you do?”

“Savannah, I would never agree to anything that involved losing you. You have to know that.” He swallows, swiping at more salty streaks falling down my cheeks. “None of it matters without you.”

“No. God, Noah. No. This makes it so much worse.” I shake my head, my hands already on his chest. I push myself out of his hold.

“In what world could that possibly be a bad thing?” He smiles and it almost disarms me.

“Because at least before, I thought you were an asshole,” I snap.

“Oh, yeah. I can definitely see how that’s better.” He laughs, but there’s nothing amusing about the weight of what he’s saying.

“I just mean…” I look down, unable to handle his eyes on me.

The eyes that I love, that I’ve learned I would do an ything for.

“You can’t give up everything. This shit does matter.

” My head shakes as I try to rack my brain around this.

“I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if you gave it up. ”

“Look at me.” He tilts my head up. “I’m still going to play hockey. I’m not giving that up, although to be clear, I would.” His eyes search mine, ensuring that I’m holding onto every word he says. “But Savannah Alvarez, you are my greatest goal.”

He closes the inch of space I just put between us, gripping the back of my neck.

My hand rests on his chest, rubbing over his beating heart.

“I can still play, I’m just not playing by his rules anymore.

He can do and say whatever the fuck he wants, he can try to take all of the important things away.

But he can’t take my talent, and he can’t take you.

The rest.” He shrugs before dropping his forehead to mine. “I’ll figure out.”

He says everything so surely, with one hundred percent confidence, like he didn’t just choose me over everything.

“Say okay,” he pleads.

“Noah.” I wrap my arms around his neck, intertwining my fingers through his hair, unable to find the words.

“Say okay so I can scoop you up and kiss those pouty lips of yours that I’ve missed so much.” His hand brushes a strand of hair out of my face. He looks so deep into my eyes that I feel them touch my soul. “And tell you how much I love you.”

“You love me?”

“Savvy, I was made for you.”

I haven't even caught my breath when his lips touch mine. It’s desperate but controlled. Passionate and hungry, just like he is. He somehow always makes it feel like the sweetest love song is being etched across my skin. He wraps his arms around me and effortlessly lifts me from the ground.

I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist, and he breaks the kiss only to trail his lips along my jaw and down my neck. He whispers his love between each press of his mouth and carries me back to my bedroom.

“I love your sharp tongue and your inspiring take-no-shit attitude.” Kiss.

“I love that you eat your weight in oranges and how the citrus scent lingers on you, mixing with your vanilla.” Kiss.

“I love the way you guard your heart.” Kiss.

“And if you ever choose to give it to me, I promise I know the value in it, and?—”

“I love you too, Noah.” I hold his face tightly between my hands, catching the relief in his eyes before he sets me down on bed. I lower myself back, my fingers gripping onto his shirt for dear life as I force him to follow me down. “I love you.”

“Kiss me,” he whispers against my lips. “Kiss me like only you do.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re mine.”