Page 44

noah

All the snow has melted, the frozen lake has thawed, but the morning air still has a nice bite to it as the sun starts to rise. I used to think being out on my balcony in the cold was the best way to clear my head until I learned what it felt like to wake up in bed with Savannah.

I haven’t slept in two days, and I’m not sure when I last ate. I was losing my mind when I wasn’t able to get a hold of her, but then Maverick ran into Chloe at The Den and let me know that she is in fact fine; she just doesn’t want to talk to me.

I can’t blame her. After the way my dad lashed out the other night, I wouldn’t be surprised if she considers it a strike and has already written me off.

If this were three months ago, I’d hit her with my signature smirk, and she'd bite the corner of her lip, attempting to hide her dimpled smile from me before finally giving in. But I know Savannah. I know her heart. We’re so far past the point of sweet talking and flirty grins.

She’s probably constructed a wall a mile high by now, built with the sole intention of keeping me out.

“Fuuuck!”

The wooden railing threatens to snap under my grip, but the splinters piercing into the palm of my hand aren’t even distracting enough right now.

“Coffee?”

I turn around to find Silas standing in between the doorframe, no judgment—or any emotion at all—just two coffees in hand.

My lips form a tight line as I take the mug he extends to me, and he joins me outside.

The steam mixes with the soft morning light as I set my mug on the railing.

In a different situation entirely, this moment could be nice.

But it’s not, and fuck , I’m crawling out of my skin. I just want to flip shit and yell.

“So, do it.”

My knuckles turn white. I look at Silas. “What?”

“Flip shit and yell. That’s what Mav always does. Seems to work fine for him.”

I grind my molars, squeeze my eyes shut, and drop my head between my shoulders. I hadn’t realized I said that out loud.

Silas takes a sip of his coffee before sitting down, and now I know I’m losing it because I almost stop him from sitting in that chair. Her chair. The chair she was sitting in when I first met her.

“Unfortunately, no matter what I do, I don’t see a solution,” I breathe.

“Are we talking about Sav or why you got kicked out of practice yesterday?”

Just hearing her name is a punch to the gut.

“Savannah. Everything is about Savannah.”

He doesn’t respond, so I turn around, lean against the railing, and watch him nod his head, taking away any shred of hope I had left.

Silas isn’t the loudest guy on the team, or the most emotional.

He’s stoic. He’s calm and rational. If anyone were to have an idea on how to fix this, it would be him.

“Want to talk about what happened? ”

“I don’t even know where to begin. My dad…well, he did what he always does. I brought Savannah to dinner after the game, he lashed out on her, and when I confronted him about it, he gave me an ultimatum.”

“What kind of ultimatum?”

“It doesn’t matter. In the end, I’m not doing things the way he wants, so he’s cutting me off.

” I tried to be understanding, but I won't waver on this, and he isn’t listening to me.

I think he believes I’m bluffing and that I’ll fold and come running back to him, but she's the one thing I won’t budge on.

Not that I think it matters now. He may have gotten exactly what he wanted anyway, after the way he spoke to her. I should have never brought her.

“He can’t understand that this is my life. I’ve done everything he’s asked of me over the last twenty-one years, but I won’t give her up. I know he thinks it’s for the best, but I?—”

“Nah, King. I’m gonna stop you right there because I can’t get behind that one.

We’ve watched you suffer for years because of him—sometimes quietly, other times…

not so quietly. I know both Maverick and I have been vocal about how the shit he puts you through is eventually going to catch up to you.

” He casually takes a sip of his coffee.

“But you know we’ve been here for you, and we’ll continue to be here for you.

Maverick, Gabe, Parker—the whole team. Coach Alvarez, Sage…

anyone you want to talk to, I know they would drop everything to listen and help you. ”

Listening to Silas list off all the people in my life is both humbling and eye opening.

I’ve been surrounded by people my whole life.

I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I felt lonely.

But this year has tested me in new ways, and it wasn’t until I felt like I was drowning that I realized that although I’m surrounded by the best people, it was always me keeping myself at a distance.

“Speaking of Coach, he wants to see you today. ”

“Perfect. He probably wants to strip away my captain's title at this point.” I sigh. “It’s what I deserve, anyway.”

“For what?”

“Don’t act like we didn’t lose that last game because of me. I’m sick of playing like shit and letting everyone down.”

“Chill. That's my friend you’re talking about.”

“Your friend sucks.”

“Right now? Yeah, he ain’t all that. But usually, he’s a leader.

He keeps me and the rest of our team in check.

He’s got a good head on his shoulders, and he’s the hardest worker I know.

” He stands from the chair, stretching his arms over his head, and pats me on the shoulder as he passes by. “Maybe a little too hard.”

I don’t get up. I stare at the chair he just vacated, reminiscent of the way I stared at it a beat too long another time.

“And, King?”

I turn toward Silas, who is standing in the doorway.

“You’ve never let any of us down.”

“You wanted to see me, Coach?”

“Sit down.” He nods to the chair across from him.

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was out of line, and I promise it won't happen again, but I’m also prepared for whatever punishment you have for me.”

Coach Alvarez sets down the file he was holding and looks at me with a furrowed brow that reminds me a little too much of the look his daughter loves to give me.

“I didn’t call you here to punish you, kid. I called you here to check in on you.”

I shouldn’t be surprised at this point, the Alvarez family has never cared about what I can do for them or who I am. They’ve always made me feel like I was just one of them. Someone for them to care about and someone who cares about them.

“Ugh.” I sigh, clasping my hands and dropping my elbows to my thighs.

“The truth is, I’m fucking drowning.” I keep my eyes on the spot between my shoes because, one—I just said ‘fuck’ in front of my coach, and two—I don’t think Savannah ever got around to telling him about us.

Who knows, maybe in the last forty-eight hours that she’s been ignoring me, she found time to bring it up, but I don’t believe she would do that.

The only thing I can do now is tell him about my other problems.

“I might…” I rub my clammy palms over my pants and blow out a breath.

“My dad, he—he believes he knows what’s best for me, and I’ve always thought he was right.

This year, whether it's because of last year's draft, getting kicked out of practice, or my personal relationships. ” I steal a glance at him, but his expression reveals nothing. “Whatever it is, there’s been a change, and while I love and respect him, I can’t just blindly follow what he wants anymore.

I don’t know what that means for me going forward, but I do know that I’m still committed to you, this team, and my goals both on and off the ice. ”

Coach steeples his fingers in front of his mouth, hanging onto my every word and he nods ever so slightly.

“You know, Noah, my wife always used to say, ‘There’s always going to be some shit; it’s how you deal with that shit that defines you—you as the person and you as the player.”

I sit back in the chair, letting those familiar words wash over me again, just like they did that night Savannah shared them with me.

I don’t want to be a person or a player who is defined by my dad.

If my ‘shit’ is him wanting to cut me off, so be it.

None of it matters without her, without the woman who wants to be there for me when I don't know how to be there for myself. The woman who makes my hardest days easier just by being in her presence. The one who doesn’t open up or share much with anyone, but as soon as she's in my arms and her lips are on mine, she bares her soul to me.

“That being said, I’ll always do everything I can to help you out, and not just because you’re the greatest talent I’ve had the pleasure of coaching.”

I'm trying to gauge whether he knows. We study each other, my eyes narrowing. His eyes shine back at me, trying to convey, ‘ I’m not saying shit.’

I smile for the first time in days and leave his office, hell-bent on getting my girl back.