Page 39 of Hexed, Vexed, & Undersexed

“Boy, does it look like we have pants here?” she asks, hitching a thumb at naked Kai.

“I kind of got the impression he was that way because you wanted him to be, not because he chose to be unclothed,” Preston mumbles under his breath.

“Why do you think I burned your pants off, sonny?” she retorts, and I palm my face. “Evanora, if you can’t get laid now, then you couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag.”

With this encouraging proclamation, Gram-Gram pivots on her heel and marches away, leaving me to clean up her mess. There’s a moment of pregnant silence before Preston dispels it with his laughter—like the man is seriously doubled over.

“Now I know where you get it from,” he hoots and I give him a sour look.

“Could you please never liken the two of us again? The woman just set me up on a threesome.”

“You’re welcome—again,” Gram shouts from the solarium.

The minute I get magic, I’m sewing her mouth shut à la Billy Butcherson—providing I win, that is.

“Sooooo,” I start awkwardly. “Where do we, ah, go from here?”

Both men smirk at me.

“You know, for learning that witches are real and having your pants semi-burned off your body, you’re taking this surprising well,” I murmur to Preston.

“It’s going to take more than an eccentric grandma and territorial cat to scare me off,” he counters lightly, making Kai scowl.

“I’m not a cat; I’m a man,” Kai corrects with a growl.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, but I’m pretty sure that Nora prefers cock to pussy.”

Kai springs forward with a savage snarl, reminding me that he’s spent the last three centuries as a wild animal.

“Stay away from her!” my cat-turned-human hisses.

“You going to make me, pussy?” Preston jeers.

Angry threesome, my ovaries chant with glee as they do flips of delight inside of me.

“Everyone calm down. How about you let me decide what I like and who I want to be with? Besides, we have a bigger issue here—figuring out how Kai became human.”

Kai rolls his eyes.

“I told you—you did it.”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t have magic,” I explain again in exasperation.

“I thought you were a witch,” Preston adds in confusion.

“Gram! Get back here!”

“I’m busy, Evanora. Besides, it’s not rocket science. Your magic is animal affinity; the spell the network used for the first trial must have been one to reverse Tittie’s spell. This, combined with the magic I infused into your necklace was enough to make it a success. You’re welcome for the last fucking time!”

“But how did the network magically happen to use the spell to reverse TITUBA’S spell?”

“It must have beenmagic,” she drawls, like I’m an idiot.

Ugh.

I swear to Circe she’s got to be the most difficult woman alive.

“If you’re Tituba’s son. . . how come you didn’t magic your way back into human form?” I ask logically.