Page 52

I lick my lips, his eyes following the movement. “What if I said yes, Brandon?”
“Yes, to what, exactly?”
Do I really have to spell it out for him? “Yes, to your offer, dumbass. What else would I be talking about?”
“I’ve made a lot of offers over the years.”
“Fuck you.”
His eyes darken, pupils dilating. “Are you sure?”
“No.” I force down a swallow. “But when am I ever sure about anything?”
Brandon turns to face me fully. His knee brushes against mine, sending sparks through my body. “This isn’t like picking what to eat for dinner, cupcake.”
“Trust me, I know. That’s actually harder.”
“Don’t.” His jaw tightens. “Don’t make jokes about it.”
“It’s my fucked-up life. I’ll joke about it if I want to.”
“If you saw someone feeling like the way you’re feeling right now, what would you tell that person?” His fingers find my chin, tilting my face up. “Would you tell them they deserve this? That it’s okay to hurt themselves? To make self-depreciating jokes?”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because…” Because I deserve it. Because I’m not worth saving. Because the guilt eats me alive.
“Because nothing.” His voice softens. “You’re deflecting.”
“And you’re stalling.” I meet his gaze, challenging. “What’s wrong, Milton? Performance anxiety?”
“I want you.” His voice drops low, rough. “I want you so fucking much. You know that. But not like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re using me to punish yourself.”
The words hit like a slap.
“Am I wrong?”
I jerk back, but his grip is firm. Not painful, just… present. Like him. Always fucking present when I least want him to be.
“Let go,” I say.
“Answer the question.”
“What do you want me to say?” The words tear from my throat. “That you’re right? That maybe I do want to feel something, anything, other than this constant guilt? That maybe I’m tired of being perfect little Naomi who never steps out of line?”
His thumb traces circles on my wrist, right over my pulse. “And that’s what I am? Your rebellion?”
“You’re worse.”
“How’s that?”
You make me want things I can’t have. “Do you want to or not? If not, I’ll find someone who will.”