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She shifts closer. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“I’m handling it.”
“By puking your guts out every night?”
“Fuck off.” I try to break free, but she holds firm.
“Nope.” Her eyes lock onto mine fiercely as if trying to reach into my soul and pull out the uninvited shame. “I’m not going anywhere.”
A sob wrenches from my throat, raw and ugly. “B.”
“I know.” She cradles my head, her arms strong and steady around me.
I cling to her, my fingers digging into her back. She smells like home, like safety. Like the only fucking constant in my life.
“Remember our pact?” she murmurs into my hair. “No matter what. It’s you and me against the world.”
I let out a watery laugh. “We were kids.”
“So? Doesn’t make it any less true.” Her thumb brushes away a tear. “I’ve got you, Nay. Always.”
She’s here. No matter how much I try to push her away, she’ll just push right back. Because that’s who she is. Who we are.
“Come on.” She rises, hauling me up alongside her. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I let her guide me to the sink, watching numbly as she wets a washcloth and gently wipes my face. She’s careful, her touches soft and soothing.
“There.” She sets the cloth aside. “Better?”
“Not really.”
“Yeah, well. Baby steps.” She takes my hand, lacing our fingers together. “Sooo, we still hate Brandon?”
“I can’t deal with him right now.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yeah, it fucking does.” She squeezes my hand. “He cares about you.”
“He cares about the idea of me. The perfect girlfriend, the trophy to hang on his arm at events. Not…” I gesture at myself, at the mess I’ve become. “Not this.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” I turn to the mirror. “He looks at me and sees everything I’m not. Everything I can never be.”
“Naomi.”
“I’m not you, B. I can’t just… turn it off and pretend like everything’s fine when it’s not.”
“I’m not asking you to.” She grips my shoulders, forcing me to meet her gaze. “I’m asking you to let someone in for once in your goddamn life. He’s been up your ass since college. But you… You would rather abandon him before he could abandon you.”
“He did abandon me.” I blink back tears. “And I let you in.”
“Yeah.” She snorts. “And look how well that’s turning out. I’m not enough, Nay. I can’t be.”
“You’re my best friend.” I pull away from her, my legs steadier than I feel. “You will always be enough for me.”