Page 48 of Her Rogue of a Duke
She slammed the door shut behind her and fell back against it, gasping for breath, her hand clutching her pained chest.
Joshua and Susan Moore… no, no, it could not be. How could he…?
Francesca pushed off from the door and began pacing her room. She knew she was being unreasonable. She had no right to be so upset about Joshua contemplating his future with another woman… not when she, herself, was on the brink of a betrothal with another man.
Still, she could not calm her pounding heart. She could not think straight. All she could think about was Joshua and Lady Susan together, walking arm-in-arm in the park, dancing together at balls, and… and kissing in the dark…
She collapsed onto her bed, unable to stand. Francesca did not know what to do. She could not stand the idea of running intoLady Susan as she left Joshua’s company, so she did not dare leave her room.
The afternoon sun waned into the evening as Francesca sat in solitude, consumed by a tempest of anguish and heartache. Time lost its meaning as she dwelt on the notion of Joshua with another. She was on the brink of crying and purging up her last meal, but she was also infuriated and burned with jealousy. She was overwhelmed with her rioting emotions and so lost within them that the sudden knock at her door startled her. Francesca jumped, nearly sliding off the edge of her bed. She scrambled back up and smoothed out her skirts, making sure she appeared presentable before she called for the visitor to enter.
She had expected Mrs. Clark or one of the maids, but when the door swung open, it was Joshua who stepped into the chamber. His expression was stubborn and resolute. Francesca rose from her bed, her heart racing.
“Joshua,” she gasped. “What are you doing here? You should not be in here…”
“You cannot honestly be entertaining the notion of accepting Liam's courtship again, after all that has transpired,” he snapped, cutting her off before she could finish telling him to leave.
“I am sorry, but I fail to see how that concerns you.” Her response was swift and pointed, her cheeks coloring with embarrassment. “As was our agreement in the first place, Irequire a husband, Joshua, and Liam appears to be my most viable option…”
“Even after you caught him in the arms of another woman?” he growled.
There was a beat of silence in which they both stood perfectly still, staring at each other. Francesca was stunned. How had he known that? Joshua appeared shocked as well, his eyes wide, as if he had not meant to say that out loud.
Francesca felt a surge of humiliation as Joshua's words struck her with the force of a physical blow. She hated that he knew about the incident involving Liam and his mysterious woman. She hated that he had known this whole time and had not said a word to her. Had he been secretly laughing behind her back at how foolish she was for letting Liam embarrass and hurt her as he had? Shame flushed her cheeks, and she lashed out, wounded and vulnerable.
“Why does it matter to you?” she cried out, her voice trembling. “How dare you speak to me in such a judgmental tone? You, who have been openly paying court to Lady Susan, while having shared… intimacies with me. It is scarcely any different now, is it!”
Joshua’s expression shifted to one of confusion. “What are you saying? I havenotbeen courting Lady Susan—”
Francesca scoffed. “I overheard your little exchange in the parlor. She seemed rather excited about your future together.What, pray tell, had you been discussing if not your courtship and potential betrothal?”
Joshua visibly tensed, his shoulders going stiff and his jaw clenching. Whatever reaction she had been expecting from him at the accusation that he was planning a future with Lady Susan, it had not been this. She had hoped… prayed, even…that he would immediately deny it and, rather, affirm his true feelings for her.
Instead, he cleared his throat and averted his gaze, his voice barely above a whisper, “I owe Lady Susan a great debt. Years ago, I was in a carriage accident that nearly took my life and she saved me. I've been searching for my rescuer ever since, never once realizing it was her. I… I owe her my life.”
Her breath caught in her throat, the truth sitting heavily upon her chest. Francesca could hardly believe what she was hearing. It had not been Lady Susan who had saved him that day. It had been her.Shehad pulled him from that carriage before it had toppled over the edge of the Grenfell cliff. She felt the immediate urge to tell him the truth, but she held back, paralyzed. The weight of his gratitude toward Susan felt like a betrayal, and Francesca's heart shattered into a million pieces.
“I have nothing more to say on this matter,” she declared, her voice strained with anguish. “Please have a carriage arranged for me on Saturday for the Beckinsale Ball. Our agreement still stands, and I intend to marry the Viscount of Hucklow.”
Joshua’s face paled, frozen in place by her unexpected proclamation. But before he could gather his thoughts to speak, Francesca bridged the gap between them, placing her hands against his chest, and urging him out of her chambers.
“Please leave,” she insisted resolutely. “I want to be alone.”
“Francesca…”
She shook her head firmly. “No, Joshua. Just go.”
For a brief moment, he held his ground, and Francesca knew that he could easily resist her efforts to send him away. As he had done many times before. Yet, after a brief pause, a nod of resignation came from him.
“Very well,” he murmured. “But understand, this isn’t the end, Francesca.”
She offered no response, focusing instead on guiding him out of the door of her chambers and closing it decisively behind him.
Alone once more, Francesca sank back onto her bed, her heart heavy with pain and disappointment. Silent tears cascaded down her cheeks as she grappled with the unyielding sorrow within her chest. She could have told him the truth. Could have told him everything… but what difference would it have truly made? Marrying Joshua was an impossibility; she couldn't draw him into the turmoil that surrounded her life. Liam was her last hope, and so she would have to let Joshua keep believing Susanwas the woman he had been seeking all this time. It infuriated her that Susan had somehow woven such a deceitful tale, and the mystery of how she had come to know of the events of that fateful night only deepened her frustration. She may have made her choice in part out of wounded pride and misplaced emotions, but the sacrifice felt like a dagger to her soul.
And it was a wound she was certain she would never be able to heal.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR