Page 47 of Her Rogue of a Duke
“It is the only way I know how to survive in high society as the eldest daughter of an Earl,” she told him. “My position, it demands… certain adaptations. To navigate theTon, one must oftentimes adopt a colder, even slightly ruthless demeanor. It is a necessity to ward off those who might otherwise prey upon a perceived weakness of mine,” she said bitterly.
Joshua regarded her for several long moments, pondering her words carefully. He supposed they did make a certain kind of sense. He knew the Ton could be unforgiving of any perceived flaw in an individual—in fact, he was well aware, having himself engaged in such frivolous pastimes.
Perhaps he had misjudged her after all… and he simply could not ignore the fact she seemed to hold such intricate knowledge of that fateful night. She could only really know if she were, in fact, the woman who rescued him.
“I have always wanted to thank the lady who saved me in person,” he admitted softly. “It had long been a dream of mine to find her…you. Most of those who I confided in dismissed you as a mere hallucination, yet I was certain you were real. But, what I still cannot seem to grasp is, why did you not make yourself known sooner? Even if it was only to myself?"
Susan shifted uncomfortably in her seat, avoiding his gaze, a newfound vulnerability in her demeanor.
“Truthfully, I was scared… and somewhat embarrassed,” she confessed. “It was just a stroke of luck that I was there, and I did not want anyone to know that I was out on my own that day.I had snuck away from home to attend a festival in the nearby village and if I admitted to being the one to rescue you, I was terrified I would get in trouble for being out when I was not supposed to be.”
Joshua studied her intently, still searching for any hint of falsehood. There was no sign of deception in her expression that he could see, and he could vaguely remember there being a festival somewhere in the area. He had not attended it himself, but he had heard word of it. All the details seemed to perfectly align.
Yet, a part of him still struggled to fully accept her story. Why did he hesitate? The very person he had longed to meet, his 'angel,' was right before him, yet doubts lingered. Could it be that the reality of this revelation was harder to grasp than the long-held mystery? Had he deified his savior, so much so, for all those years, it was impossible foranylady to live up to his expectations?
“I do hope you are not disheartened to find it was me,” Lady Susan said in a small voice, as if she could read his innermost thoughts. Was he being that transparent? He felt a twinge of guilt at his unwarranted stubbornness.
“No, no,” he hastened to assure her. “No, that is not it. I am merely taken aback, that is all. Had I known it was you, I would have sought you out much sooner.”
She offered him a small, timid smile. “Perhaps, Your Grace, we might now spend some time together, with all our cards on the table?”
Joshua mirrored her smile with a warm one of his own before nodding. This was the woman who had saved his life. The woman he had dreamed of finding for so long.
He was not simply going to turn her away because she had not turned out to be precisely what he had envisioned.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Yes, we can spend more time together, my lady. I would like that very much, and it could afford us an opportunity to catch up.”
This was the woman he had vowed to someday marry if he were to ever find her. He could not simply forget his conviction in that decision. He needed to at least allow Lady Susan a chance. She had saved his life, after all. It was the least he could do in return.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Francesca's steps echoed through the corridors of Elmcroft Manor as she returned from her promenade through Hyde Park, her heart buckled by a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.
On the one hand, it seemed as though her betrothal to Liam was all but assured. They had parted ways at the park with a final promise from him that Saturday would be worth waiting for, which she was certain meant he intended to propose. This was a good thing, she told herself. This was what she wanted—a necessary step to safeguard her inheritance and uphold her father's memory.
But on the other hand… there was Joshua. She could not stop thinking about him and knew she needed to speak with him before she made any binding commitments with Liam. Part of her even yearned to confide in him about her father's situation. Perhaps Joshua would understand her actions and the dire need for her to marry.
Perhaps… perhaps he would even offer to marry her himself.
No… no, that was selfish of her. She could not think that way. She would not entangle Joshua in her mess. Still, she needed to talk to him. Needed to apprise him of what would be happening at the Beckinsale Ball so he was not caught unawares.
She headed towards Joshua's study, expecting him to be toiling away at his work as he so often was around this time of day. However, as she passed the parlor, the sound of a woman's voice halted her in her tracks and her heart leaped to her throat.
Francesca froze. She recognized that voice.
It was Lady Susan.
“Your Grace, it brings me great joy that you also desire to spend more time together,” Lady Susan declared, sounding gleeful. “It will be a splendid opportunity to deepen our… bond, now that everything is out in the open.”
Francesca’s mind spun. Out in the open? What did that mean? What secrets had been shared between them?
“I agree,” Joshua’s voice came. “I am glad you have confided in me. It will help us both move forward.”
Francesca felt as though the floor was tipping out from under her. Her knees trembled and she was unsteady on her feet.Seeking stability, she pressed her hand against the nearby wall to prevent herself from all but collapsing to the floor.
It sounded as though they were making plans for a future of some kind. A future together? The mere notion made her stomach lurch.
Unable to stand hearing anything more, Francesca turned abruptly, abandoning her thoughts of speaking with Joshua and fleeing to the refuge of her bedchamber.