Page 44 of Her Rogue of a Duke
Robert Campbell, Esq.
Francesca released a long, shaky breath. She had been afraid he would suggest something as drastic. The thought of completely disappearing into seclusion twisted her stomach into knots, filling her with an empty despondence. A few weeks prior, she would have gladly accepted the proposition, but now, the thought of abandoning Joshua without so much as a farewell stirred a profound gut-wrenching sadness within her. One that brought her to the brink of tears.
Wiping her watery eyes with her dress sleeve before they even had the chance to spill, she opened the second letter, praying for better news. To her surprise, she saw that it was from Lord Liam Terrell, extending an invitation for a promenade through Hyde Park.
Francesca bit her lip contemplatively, mulling over the offer. Spending an afternoon with Lord Terrell was not quite an appealing thought, but she needed to think this through. Thingswere growing more and more dire with each passing moment. If she went into hiding at Mr. Campbell’s country home, she would effectively dash any hopes of securing a marriage that could save her father’s estate and inheritance. As distasteful as it was, Lord Terrell might indeed represent her last chance. Francesca's chest tightened as a wave of conflicting emotions rolled through her.
Deep down, Francesca understood that Lord Terrell was not the man she desired. If she were truly honest with herself, her heart longed for Joshua. Her feelings for him had grown stronger than she could have ever imagined possible—a delicate blend of a childhood infatuation and their more passionate affair over the last weeks. When she thought of marrying Joshua, she did not feel the type of dread she did when she considered marrying Liam.
Could something as simple as that be what they called love?
But alas, such thoughts were futile. Francesca acknowledged the painful reality that a union with Joshua was simply not feasible. Entangling him in her intricate and troubled situation was something she couldn’t bear to consider. And that was before even addressing the more painful truth, the undeniable fact that Joshua, with his reputation as a notorious rake, was unlikely to ever entertain the idea of settling down, much less for her.
Furthermore, Francesca harbored a deeper fear that he wouldn't believe her if she revealed the entire truth of her deception. The thought that he might feel betrayed and that she could lose both his trust and affection was intolerable. She cherished the bondthey currently shared and realized being overly ambitious in wanting more would only lead to heartache and tears.
Reluctantly, Francesca made a decision then, driven by fear and the weight of responsibility bearing down on her shoulders. She needed to keep her distance from Joshua to shield him from the tangled web she found herself in, despite her growing affection for him. They had grown far too close and far too intimate. He would only end up hurt if she allowed their feelings for each other to grow, and he would come to resent her even more upon learning her truth. Francesca did not think she could bear it if that were to happen.
Yes. Keeping her distance from him was the right thing to do.
Not only to protect him, but to protect her own heart from the inevitable pain of his eventual disillusionment.
Later that day, Francesca found herself strolling alongside Lord Terrell through the verdant pathways of Hyde Park. They walked arm-in-arm, passing by other couples and groups of gentlemen and ladies enjoying the sunshine and warmth of the day as well. The Viscount’s attempts at amiability were apparent, yet her thoughts remained tethered to Joshua, his presence haunting her mind even as she told herself she needed to focus on Liam and convincing him to marry her.
Though she scarcely believed it would require much effort when regarding his half-breaths and stolen glances, as if there wassomething he wished to say but hadn’t yet built up the courage. “Lady Francesca,” he finally spoke up, mopping back his dark hair and breaking the comfortable silence that had taken some time to settle between them. “There is something I feel the need to express. I am deeply grateful that you agreed to spend your day with me. I know things have been rather strained between us, but I am hopeful this is a sign that things are going to improve.”
It was a statement rather than a question, but Francesca was in no position to argue the point or dismiss his attempt to reconcile. She was truly in the most desperate of times.
“Yes, well, I have come to realize that perhaps I was rather critical in my judgment toward you, my lord,” she murmured, the words like ash on her tongue. “I now understand that your little… indiscretion was merely a well-intentioned mistake. Holding it against you is not proper and ladylike, and thus, I extend my forgiveness so that we might move on with our lives.”
Lord Terrell’s face lit up with a muted smile as he paused in his tracks and turned to regard her. “Delightful! Perhaps attending the ball this Saturday could be a step in the right direction? It could prove a fine opportunity for us to finally make some important decisions that have long been overdue.”
Francesca's heart plummeted at the implication. A marriage proposal loomed on the horizon, she could tell, and it was one she could ill refuse without jeopardizing her future.
“That sounds like a most agreeable plan, my lord,” she responded softly. “I graciously accept your invitation to the ball.” Her voice was tinged with a sadness she could barely conceal.
“Very good! Oh, and I would prefer if you addressed me asLiam,” he beamed, his confidence returning to surround him like a cloak as they continued their promenade. “Ah. What a wonderful day this has turned out to be! I believe Saturday will mark a significant turning point for us. A new beginning, as they say?” he added with an air of satisfaction. “We shall look forward to what lies ahead, together.”
Francesca swallowed the lump in her throat. Each word from Lord Terrell was like a nail in the coffin of her dreams, sealing a fate she did not desire but felt powerless to escape. She wished things could be different. She wished she was not forced to make this decision. That she had the freedom to choose who she truly wanted.
In her heart, she yearned for it to be Joshua by her side, offering her his companionship for the upcoming ball, and not Liam. That it was Joshua sewing tapestries about visions of their shared future and what might be…
In another life, perhaps it could have been.
Yet, despite this wistful thinking and her vow to stay away from Joshua, she still felt a strange obligation to tell him about Liam asking her to the ball. He might be expecting to accompany her himself, after all, and he was still her guardian of sorts while she remained under his roof and care.
She did not want to tell him, for a part of her, a hope-filled, rebellious part, secretly wished that he would dissuade her from attending with Liam, or even voice his disapproval outright. Was that terrible of her to hope for? Yes, most certainly, and yet she could not stop herself. Her mind and her heart were in such conflict with each other, and while she tried to focus on what her mind and reason were telling her, her heart continued to demand her attention. In her heart was Joshua and Joshua only.
But she did not have the privilege of listening to her heart. Life with Joshua was nothing more than a beautiful, unreachable fantasy, while life with Liam was a necessary reality.
She had come this far to protect her father’s memory, after all. She could not let him down now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Joshua shifted uneasily at the threshold of Francesca's bedchamber as servants passed him by with curious glances. Since the dawn hours, he had been wrestling with a heavy sense of guilt over the hardships he had inadvertently inflicted upon Francesca’s family. He realized his decision to reclaim the Oakvale Meadows, albeit not intentionally malicious, had stripped Francesca of a life of comfort and luxury that rightfully should have been hers. All the while, her father was working himself to his grave to try to provide her with it again.
Fie! And here I was, endeavoring to play the role of her gallant savior,he mused with a derisive snort.
In those days, Joshua had been a different man, solely preoccupied with the pursuit of wealth, influence, and securing a strategic marriage. He had acted out of pure self-interest, and his selfishness had blinded him to the far-reaching consequences of his decisions.