Page 12 of Her Honorable Viscount (Noble Pursuits #3)

CHAPTER 12

D ot knew she owed Adelaide a visit.

Yet she put off going around to Lord Mandrake’s for a few days as she couldn’t see him again.

Not until she had made her decision.

A decision whirling around her mind as she sat in the middle of her family’s drawing room with her sisters and Eliza. She kept her turbulent thoughts hidden while she wore an outward facade of calm.

Amid her kiss with Lord Mandrake – a kiss of passion and reckless abandon that she would never have expected from a man as formal and rigid as she had thought him to be – she had realized just how much she had grown to like him and how badly she wanted to be with him. Physically, yes, but also as the partner he wanted her to be.

She had known of him for years, of course. There were only so many people of a similar age within the ton . Yet, she had never truly come to know him well until he had clarified his intentions for her.

Then, like a fool, she had rejected him, because her brother had not been particularly fond of him and Lord Mandrake seemed the type of man who would judge her and what made her happy.

Both of those suppositions were still true.

What had changed was how much weight those considerations carried.

She cared far more about the man himself, a man who was more considerate than she had ever realized, who might see the world as black and white but still made room for those who lived in the gray. He went to great lengths to do what he felt was justifiable, and he had respected her pursuits, even if he didn’t understand them.

Did she want him enough to give up what made her happy?

She needed to talk to someone about it and realized she knew only two people who could truly help her – Eliza and Fitz, who had each given up something of themselves to find their way together.

She decided Eliza would be best, for Fitz might be too blinded by both his opinion of Lord Mandrake and his motivation to see her married off.

“Eliza,” she said now as they sat together in the drawing room, “could I have a moment with you?”

“Of course,” Eliza said, her eyebrows rising along with her curiosity. “Where would you like to go?”

“Perhaps the back garden?”

“Sure,” she said, lowering her voice. “Mysterious. But I like it.”

Dot laughed as they walked together to the rear of the house before sitting on the small bench in the back garden that overlooked the mews. Dot didn’t come here much, for the front square was far more inviting, but this was private, which she needed now.

“I have a decision to make. One I was hoping you could help me with.”

“I shall do my best,” Eliza said from her position on the opposite end of the bench. She crossed her hands over her knees. “Does it have to do with Lord Mandrake?”

“It does.”

Eliza waited expectantly.

“You know that he does not want to marry a woman who works as a midwife.”

“I would have surmised as much from the moment I met the man,” Eliza said, and while Dot could tell that Eliza had no idea what she saw in Lord Mandrake, it didn’t matter. Eliza was a woman who loved freedom and the unexpected – so far from the worldview Lord Mandrake followed.

While Dot disagreed with his complete adherence to rules and expectations, she did understand where he was coming from.

“He cannot marry me if I continue my work as a midwife. I thought that would make a marriage between us impossible but?—”

“He has changed his mind?” Eliza said hopefully, and Dot shook her head ruefully.

“No, unfortunately, he has not. But I have begun to wonder if, perhaps, I could trade my current happiness for a different kind of contentment. If giving up my work is worth marriage to him.”

Eliza pressed her lips together, taking a moment before she responded.

“Do you want a man who would make you give up what you loved?”

Dot drummed her fingers against her knees.

“He has never asked that I give anything up. He just told me he didn’t see how a viscountess could also be a midwife. He has a point.”

“I suppose he does,” Eliza said, releasing a sigh. “I am sorry it has to be this way.”

“I know,” Dot said with a sad smile. “What do you think I should do?”

“I wish I could give you an answer,” Eliza said. “But that is a decision that you have to make for yourself. All I can tell you is that you should follow your heart and do what feels right.”

Dot stared at her. “That is no help at all.”

Eliza laughed. “I know. I would hate that advice as well. Whatever you decide, however, I am here for you. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do.”

They shared a smile before they stood together.

“I am going to stay out here for a little longer if you don’t mind,” Dot said, to which Eliza only placed her hand on her arm and squeezed before continuing into the house.

Dot closed her eyes and sat against the bench.

She had some big decisions and wasn’t the type of woman to dwell on something for long. Once she had her mind made up, she forged ahead.

She would decide this today.

Her future.

“May I have everyone’s attention for a moment?”

Dot’s heart was pounding, even though only her family was sitting in front of her, here around the dinner table. She wasn’t used to having all eyes upon her, especially when announcing something of this magnitude.

“Is everything all right?” Eliza asked gently, her eyes probing, clearly sensing that Dot had important news to impart.

“Yes. More than all right,” Dot said, forcing the smile onto her face. “I have come to a decision.”

“What decision would that be?” Fitz asked nervously, and rightly so. His sisters always surprised him one way or another, and he usually never saw any of it coming.

She took a breath.

“I have decided that I am going to leave my midwife practice and accept Lord Mandrake’s proposal.” At the stunned silence, she added, “If he will still have me, that is. I haven’t actually confirmed with him yet.”

The silence was quickly broken by her mother’s prayer of thanks directed to the heavens, her brother’s sigh of relief, and her sisters’ instant exclamations of glee, surprise, and questions – so much so that Dot wasn’t sure who was saying what or whether they were pleased or dismayed.

The one expression she didn’t miss was Eliza’s. Her sister-in-law appeared troubled, but she pushed a smile forward when she caught Dot’s eye.

“Congratulations, Dot,” she said, reaching across the table and taking her hand. “Of course Lord Mandrake will have you. He is quite taken with you.”

“Dot! You are going to be a married woman!” squealed Henrietta, the one who Dot had been sure would be pleased with her decision – well, Henrietta and their mother, of course.

“What about your patients?” Sarah asked, her brow furrowing in concern.

“Magda might be able to take some on, and the rest I will see through to their birth. Lord Mandrake must understand that.”

Georgina bit her lip. “Dot…” she said slowly, “You love what you do.”

“I do. But perhaps it is time I have my own children,” she said before breathing deeply. “The truth is, I care for Lord Mandrake, and I have decided that if marrying him means I must give up my profession, then I must. I should have known that I might have to do this eventually.”

“A fact your mother told you from the beginning,” her mother said with a sniff.

“Actually,” Dot said, her heart rate slowing a bit now that the news was out, “you didn’t tell me from the beginning because you only found out about it a short time ago, long after I began my practice.”

It was not the right thing to say, although it had felt good. Her mother’s mouth dropped open while Fitz slapped a hand to his forehead.

“I am still happy that I worked as a midwife,” Dot continued. “I love the work, and even if I must leave it behind, I will never forget it or the memories I made.”

“But thank goodness it will be in the past,” her mother said. “Another child married. Only a few more to go.” She eyed her other daughters around the table, none of whom would meet her gaze.

“When will you tell Lord Mandrake?” Eliza asked, taking a sip of her drink.

“Tomorrow,” Dot said. “Will you accompany me?”

“Of course,” Eliza said, although her agreement was still somewhat uneasy.

One more day, and Dot’s life would change forever.

She should be excited.

So why did she still feel so uncertain?