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TWELVE

Aditi

Aditi wasn’t sure what she’d expected from Lena’s new flat but it was both a surprise and so very Lena.

It was all bare and functional, which could've been explained by the fact that she only moved here recently but that wasn't the case.

Lena was just like that, functional but surprisingly agreeable to buying cute little pillows and nice bed sheets and colourful paintings for the walls.

She was always agreeable. Maybe that was why it came as such a surprise that she hadn't been willing to budge even a little on the fated-mate conversation. Then again, it wasn't really something to compromise on. There was no in between going and not going into the lake of fate.

"Pots are in there," Lena said, snapping Aditi out of her thoughts. "I think I've got a colander somewhere. I'm sure I bought one."

Aditi pulled open another cupboard and knelt down, not at all surprised to find it stuffed with kitchen utensils with their labels still attached. A brand new colander was one of them and she pulled it out. "Found it."

Lena looked stunned, as if she'd forgotten that they lived together and knew all these cute slash frustrating little habits about each other.

Like how Lena left her socks everywhere and how Aditi's hair clogged up the shower drain.

Or that Lena was an expert at stacking the dishwasher, unlike Aditi, and only had three drawers for clothes.

Shirts, trousers, all her underwear and grey socks.

That was, for someone like Aditi who liked a walk-in closet, one of life's greatest bafflements. It wasn't something she wanted to change about Lena, rather she found it quite endearing. It also meant that she knew her way around Lena's flat even though she hadn't been here before.

It was all so frustratingly achingly familiar. Especially when she opened a cupboard and was faced with their old bowls and plates that Lena got in the breakup.

Aditi's heart tightened when she remembered the outrageously expensive furnishing trip at the beginning of their relationship. "You're still using our plates."

"There was nothing wrong with them," Lena said, practical as always.

"Right." Aditi tried not to think about it too much as she grabbed a small bowl so she could whisk an egg. She whisked it for far longer than necessary, trying not too hard to think about Lena watching her from the small kitchen table with a blanket over her legs.

As she whisked, Aditi could feel her thoughts wander. Was this a good idea? No. Should she just have gone home? Obviously. What in the goddess' name was she doing cooking food for her ex?

"Maybe I'm a potato," she muttered to herself as she mashed the boiled potatoes with a fork. It wouldn't make a smooth mash, the way she liked it, but she knew Lena didn't mind a lump or two.

"What?" Lena said.

"Nothing. How many sausages do you want?"

"Three. And lots of gravy," Lena said.

"I know you want lots of gravy, this isn't my first rodeo," Aditi said as she filled their plates, their old familiar plates. Something about it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. It was honestly a little ridiculous. Was she really getting sentimental over some old grey plates?

She carried the food to the table and set the plates down. Only when she sat down, she realised just how small the table was. Her knees were practically touching Lena's and she could see the specks in Lena's brown eyes. It was an intimate setting, much more than expected.

It was making her stomach flip-flop.

Aditi picked up her fork and cast her eyes down before she did something stupid. "Tuck in."

"I will." Lena instantly went for a piece of sausage and a good bite of mash. "Mmm. That's good. I missed your cooking."

"Thanks?"

"No, thank you. I really appreciate this." Lena gave her a warm smile. "Maybe this friend-thing isn't so bad."

Friend.

Aditi had already forgotten she said that. She'd used that word to get herself in the door but now it was backfiring on her. Did she really want to be friends with Lena?

Goddess, no.

But the alternative was not having Lena in her life at all and that would be worse than this teeth-grinding distance. This was better than nothing, at least that was what Aditi told herself while she relived some of her fondest memories.

Nobody ever talked about how wonderful the mundanity of life could be.

How having a simple meal in a small kitchen with the right person could be better than a lavish dinner in the fanciest restaurant.

Nobody ever said that the simple breathing and an occasional smile from the right person would be enough to make Aditi's pulse roar in her ears to the point she was worried she was having a heart attack.

This was what she gave up? For what? To conform to the norms of their society, to get assurance from a higher power that they were perfect for each other? Why did she crave a fated mate bond when she could just look at Lena and feel so full, it was making her heart spill over.

"Yes?" Lena said without even looking up.

"Nothing."

"I can feel you staring at me. I know your silences very well."

Aditi's stomach twisted into a knot. "I was just thinking that this was nice."

"It is." Lena put her fork down and looked up. "If we can be like this, maybe we're not going to drive our mutual friends up the walls after all."

"Yeah. Maybe." Aditi ate some of her mash but she couldn't really taste any of it. All she could taste was the bitter fragrance of regret.