Page 11

ELEVEN

Lena

Lena pushed her trolley through the biscuit aisle of the supermarket, not really paying attention to the brands or prices as she just mowed packets into her cart. Was eating her weight in carbs and sugar going to solve her problems?

No.

Would it make her feel better?

Only temporarily.

Was she going to do it anyway?

Yes.

After the biscuits, she got herself chocolate, sour gummies, and lots of salt and vinegar crisps while thanking her genes for blessing her with a fast metabolism. So she couldn't shift into a bear but at least she could eat lots of carbs.

She skipped the aisle with fresh vegetables and meat, heading straight for the ready meals.

And of course, who was waiting in front of the ready meal section with her cart in the middle of the aisle?

"Aditi," Lena acknowledged, her heart jumping up in her throat at the sight of her ex. Why was this bloody city so small?

Aditi looked up with panic in her eyes. "Oh. Lena. Hi."

"I see you still like midnight shopping," Lena said, smiling when she thought of their little grocery dates in the middle of the night when the supermarkets were empty and quiet.

It was so much less stressful and so much more fun.

That was the magic about Aditi, she could turn the most mundane things into a new experience.

Aditi brushed some of her hair out of her pretty face. Even tired, she was so damn charming. "I had a late shift and an empty fridge." Her gaze went to Lena's cart. "Ahh. That time, huh?"

Lena would've denied it but what was the point? After four years of a relationship, it was only understandable that Aditi knew what her period comfort food looked like. And the box of tampons was a clear giveaway regardless.

Lena just shrugged and gestured at the ready meals. "Can I?"

"Yeah, all yours," Aditi replied as she stepped back. She held out the bangers and mash ready meal in her hand. "Here, I was going to have it but you take it. It's the last one."

Lena protested automatically. "That's alright. You got here first."

"Yeah but I know how grumpy and picky you get when you've got your period. This is really a service to the country."

Lena hesitated, deliberating whether it was right to take the ready meal. On the one hand, it felt like acknowledging that they still knew each other really well. On the other, it really was the last of this kind and it was one of her favourites.

"Are you sure?" Lena checked. She wouldn't have even considered it if she wasn't aching so much.

Aditi just put the ready meal in Lena's trolley. "It's just bangers and mash. I'll get something else."

It wasn't just bangers and mash. It was an action born out of care and consideration and it was making Lena weak to her knees. She felt ridiculous for it too. She was swooning and melting over some stupid ready meal.

Not for the first time since they split up, Lena wished things had turned out differently.

"I might just get myself some sausages and potatoes and make my own version," Aditi thought out loud, humming and nodding in that way she always did when she was pleased with her own suggestion.

"That's a good idea," Lena agreed.

"Oh, I can't forget to get some more butter then." Aditi grabbed her trolley when she noticed it was in the way and pulled it to the side. "And I need more kitchen paper. I used almost half a roil cleaning up an unfortunate oil spill last night. It was a disaster. Not important."

Before Lena knew it, they were walking side by side through the aisles, chatting and shopping like they used to.

She grabbed the kitchen paper that Aditi liked that was out of reach on the highest shelf and hid a smile when Aditi threw a box of painkillers her way.

It was so damn easy to slip back their familiar rhythm, it was a relief and frustrating at the same time.

While Lena eyed up some of the fancy cheese and crackers, Aditi leaned against the cooler. "I've been trying not to worry about it but I have to ask. During the baby shower, during the last round. Did you notice that I...?"

Lena's breath hitched when she remembered the tortured expressions Aditi had made when she'd been whispering in her ear. She kept a straight face and picked up some blue cheese, even if she didn't like blue cheese. "Notice what?"

"I can't tell. If you didn't notice, you didn't notice," Aditi deflected with a cute pout.

"Did I notice that you got flustered?" Lena finished the sentence, trying not to smirk. "Yeah, of course. I know what your turned-on face looks like."

"I feared as much." Aditi hid her face behind a packet of crackers with a little shriek. "That's so embarrassing."

So cute. Why was she so cute?

Lena put the hunk of blue cheese back and grabbed some random crackers. She couldn't care less about it but she needed something to keep her hands busy before she did something stupid. Like kiss her ex in the middle of the supermarket.

"I'm sure nobody else noticed," she said eventually, hoping it came across as reassuring.

It was the truth too, she'd only noticed because she knew exactly what Aditi's face looked like when she was getting flustered.

She'd be able to recognise the raspy breaths, the unfocused look in her eyes, the sighs anywhere anytime.

Aditi bit the corner of her bottom lip. "You're not as freaked out as I thought."

"Why would I freak out? So you still find me attractive?

What's the big deal? We didn't break up cause we stopped finding each other attractive," Lena said with a little shrug that she hoped came across as easy and casual.

It wasn't a big deal. It didn't matter that Aditi still liked it when she breathed on her ear, that it still got her heart pounding and stomach fluttering and legs squeezing together.

It. Didn't. Matter.

Lena's grip on the bag of crackers tightened. She really, really needed to convince herself that it didn't matter.

"I suppose so," Aditi murmured in a flat voice. "Yeah, you're right, it's not a big deal. I still find you attractive, so what? Right?"

"Exactly," Lena pushed out, turning away before she lost all sense of control. She would never have guessed that one of the biggest trials in her life would be over cheese and crackers.

She was glad when they moved on and the conversation switched back to safer topics. Her heart was still pounding and she kept hold of her trolley with both hands, afraid what she might do now she knew Aditi was definitely, definitely still attracted to her.

Reality came crashing down like a cold shower when they reached the check-out and she was reminded that despite shopping together, they were paying separately and going to their separate homes.

They weren't together and it didn't matter if she still made Aditi flutter. They were still broken up and wanted two devastatingly different things from life and their romantic partners.

Not even good chemistry could fix that.

Aditi paused after paying, lingering really. “You know, I could come over and make you proper bangers and mash. I know how you get when you’re on your period. I’ve got everything for it now anyway and it’ll be better than your ready meal. And all those chocolates in your bag.”

Lena’s heart leapt up although she couldn’t pinpoint if it was eagerness or panic. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“It’s a friend-offer. I do this kind of thing for Alix too.”

Which was true. Lena knew it was true because she’d been there for it.

Aditi was just this kind of person, warm and thoughtful and caring.

Would it really be so bad to take her up on this offer?

It wasn’t like anything was going to happen, Lena’s period was killing her.

And she really wanted to be pampered instead of going back to a flat that wasn’t quite home.

She nodded, against her better judgement. “I do like the way you make mash.”

Aditi looked pleased, maybe too pleased. “Great. Plus, I’m kind of curious to see your new place.”

“Right, you’ve not been.” Lena’s excitement died and it twisted the knife in her heart. She already regretted saying yes because now she had to take Aditi to her sad little flat and host her like a guest, as if they hadn’t lived together and shared their lives for the last four years.

What the heck was wrong with her?