Page 10 of Her Desire (Pulse Medical #3)
“So,” Gianna said, breaking the silence that was beginning to feel just a bit thick, just a bit uncomfortable. If she couldn’t tell her how she felt, she was at least going to be a decent human being and apologize for this morning. “I owe you an apology.”
“For what?” Holly asked, finally flicking her gaze over to Gianna.
“For being a terrible friend.”
Holly looked like she wanted to reach over and squeeze Gianna’s knee, or wrist, or shoulder like she had done so many times over the last few years.
Her hand even moved, fingers trembled. But she didn’t and frankly, Gianna was glad for it.
One more touch and she’d be gasping for air. “Was your date really that bad?”
“Worse,” Holly replied, her face deadpan, which brought a chuckle out of Gianna.
“Let’s just say it was a mess. I’m pretty sure—no, scratch that, I’m a hundred percent sure Brian’s still in love with his ex.
” She rolled her eyes. “I’m just not the settle-for-second kind of person.
Not even for free appetizers at a crappy Italian restaurant. ”
Gianna didn’t want to imagine Holly going through something like that. “I’d say sorry,” she said, her lips working faster than her brain. “But honestly, I can’t imagine you with anyone who isn’t going to make you feel like you’re the only one in the room.”
It was only when the words were completely out and Holly was staring at her, lips parted, eyes wide, that Gianna realized what she’d done. She’d said something far too sincere, far too revealing, the kind of thing that unsubtly screamed, I have feelings for you.
Gianna clamped her mouth shut. But the damage was done.
At least Holly didn’t ask her what she meant. At least she didn’t prod a little. Instead, she looked away—almost too quickly—and focused on her hands as she traced circles in the sand.
“Yeah, well,” Holly said after an excruciating minute that had Gianna sweating, wondering if she’d just ruined everything. “Apparently I don’t know how to find that kind of person.”
This time Gianna didn’t say something she shouldn’t. This time she kept her head down and her mouth shut, swallowing back every reckless thought that was threatening to spill out.
Again, they were quiet. But it didn’t last long. Holly broke the silence with a sigh. “I haven’t been in many relationships before…”
This was uncharted territory. Usually, they joked about taking on too many shifts, burying themselves in work, and stretching their hours too thin to even think about real relationships. But they’d never actually talked about their past relationships. Not like this.
This felt almost…dangerous.
“But I have been in one where I felt like I could disappear, and it wouldn’t make a difference.” She shrugged, but there was nothing nonchalant about it. “Like I was just there to fill a space. Convenient. Replaceable.”
Gianna’s chest clenched so tightly it felt like a hand was squeezing her heart.
She wanted to argue, to tell Holly that she was the least replaceable person she knew, but she bit her tongue instead.
She’d already crossed a line today—twice.
One more would just be silly. “That’s not how it’s supposed to feel,” she said softly, watching Holly out of the corner of her eye.
Holly huffed out something that sounded like a laugh, but it lacked any real amusement. “Turns out, knowing that and actually believing it are two different things.”
Gianna had never heard Holly talk like that before. She wanted to reach out, just something small, her hand over Holly’s, a touch that meant I see you, I hear you . But she didn’t. Because a touch like that would feel illegal.
So instead, she did the least revealing thing she could do, she picked up her shell and nudged the pointy side against Holly’s thigh, just hard enough to pull her out of whatever dark thought she was sinking into, and joked, “For the record, James Caldwell would never make you feel replaceable. Nope. He’ll need you too much to constantly gratify his massive ego. ”
Holly laughed and turned to look at her, and Gianna’s ears heated up and her head clouded with dizziness. Because it worked. Because Holly was smiling now as if that shift had been enough, as if Gianna had saved them both from something that was about to get too heavy.
“Maybe I should stop shooting him down.”
“Maybe you should,” Gianna said, grinning, but only because she knew Holly would never in a million years date someone like Dr. James Caldwell.
The thought was satisfying if not a little amusing.
“So, how about we go grab a gelato,” Gianna suggested, already pushing herself up from the sand.
At least if they were eating ice cream, she could distract herself from all the spiraling thoughts in her head.
Because, frankly, there was so much she wanted to say, but none of it could ever be said out loud.
“Sounds like a plan.” Holly stuck out her hand, which Gianna reluctantly took. “But you’re buying.”
“That’s only fair,” Gianna said, pulling Holly to her feet while simultaneously brushing away the ridiculous thought of kissing her as the sun went down. “My punishment for making you wait for me.”