Page 50 of Heartstring

“What about me?” I ask as my heart breaks into pieces so tiny I’ll never find them to put it all back together.

“Don’t worry. As soon as I meet the band, I’ll tell them about you. They’ll be stupid to not take you as well. The agent guy sounded a little negative about it, but I’m sure it’s up to the band, right?”

“Right.”

“Sorry, baby, I stopped for gas but have to get back on the road. Traffic is hell, and it looks like it might rain. We’ll catch up next week, okay?”

“Sure,” I say flatly, but when I take the contract out of the envelope and read it, I realize next week won’t happen. Nor next month, year, or decade.

I can’t speak because I might break down if I utter a word aloud. Instead, as soon as Mik disconnects the call, I take a long, steady breath and use the number Mr. Nilsson left.

16

MIK

NOW

“I’m taking you,and that’s final,” I say, grabbing my coat from the hanger by the door.

“Fine. But you’re not coming inside.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is my thing, and I don’t want Mr. David to think I’m a kid who needs to be dropped off by my dad.”

I laugh. “It’s snowing, Kay. Why would he care if someone is dropping you off?”

She grunts her reply, so I ignore her. I will never understand teenagers. It scares me that as she’s growing up, I’ll have to deal with her first girlfriend, broken hearts, late nights.

Sometimes I wish I could have my baby girl back. She still argued like the best of them, but having her asleep on my chest was grounding and magical.

“Why is there a sappy look on your face?” she asks as we set off.

“Because I miss when you had long, blonde pigtails, didn’t argue back half as much, and believed everything I said.”

“Newsflash, kids grow up. Turn on that street up there,” she says.

“It’s not at school?”

“No, I usually go to the soup kitchen and work there with Mr. David for a bit and then help Emy and Cathy with the food prep.”

My hands grip the steering wheel.

“Your school project is to volunteer at the soup kitchen?” I try to keep my voice as devoid of emotion as possible because I don’t want her to think something’s wrong.

“Yeah. I told you. We’re helping the community.”

“Right. And this Mr.…?”

“David. He runs the soup kitchen. He’s really nice and has a really cute dog.”

And now I see where she got the idea to get a dog. Geoff said Tyler runs the kitchen. Does he go by David now? What happened to Shaw? Could he be married, after all?

Something inside me tightens. When we were together marriage was never something we talked about because it wasn't legal.

Even though I've never had a relationship that made me consider doing it after it was legal, twenty-five years is a long time to remain single. So why am I disappointed?

I park in the same place I did before.