Page 41 of Heartstring

“Sweetheart, you know we travel a lot, and tours aren’t the best places for dogs.”

She stands, flicking her long blonde hair behind her shoulder.

“And they’re okay for kids? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I practically grew up backstage. How is it okay to have a small child there but not a dog? Especially if I’m old enough to look after it?”

“Kay, we just moved, and we’re still finding our feet here. Adding a new member to the family is a big thing. We should wait a little longer.”

“Are you saying no?” She crosses her arms.

“Yes.” She tries to speak, but I interrupt. “It’s not a no either. It’s a not-just-yet, okay?”

“Fine.” She storms out of the kitchen and up to her room.

At least she’s already had dinner.

After I tidy up the kitchen, I walk up the stairs and knock on her bedroom door.

“Kay?”

“I’m busy.”

“Are you doing homework?” I ask through the closed door.

“No, I’m petting the dog I’m never going to have because you always say no to everything.”

I lean my head against the door. “I’m coming in, okay?”

“Suit yourself.”

She’s sitting cross-legged on top of her bed with her iPad on her lap. I walk up to the bed and sit beside her. She puts the iPad away.

“I don’t mean to say no to everything,” I say.

“Really? You could have fooled me.”

“Kay, you have more than a lot of kids your age. You can have any clothes you want, books, stuff for your room. We’re very lucky. I hope you know that.”

She looks at me with sad eyes.

“I know, Dad. This project I’m doing for school is teaching me how some people have so little. But just because someone doesn’t have something doesn’t mean I can’t also have it. Me not having a dog isn’t going to impact their life in a positive way.”

“God, you’re so smart. Smarter than I ever was at your age,” I say. I run my hand down her hair. The love I have for her almost takes my breath away. “I wish a lot of things were different. If I could do it all over, I would have raised you in a nice home where you could make friends your age from the moment you were born.”

“I like being on tour with you. I don’t want that to change. But you said you want us to have a normal life. I don’t feel like any of this is normal, Dad.”

I pull her into my arms. “Give me a chance to make it right, honey. Please. Just give me a little bit of time.”

She doesn’t answer but hugs me back.

By the time I get to my room, I doubt every decision I’ve made since she was left with me. All I’ve ever tried was to do the right thing. I thought I needed to be successful with the band to be able to provide for us, but has that taken away our chance to be a normal family?

Thoughts I haven’t had in twenty-five years flood my mind.

Is it too late to quit?

13

MIK