Page 7

song suggestion: Brutal—Olivia Rodrigo

I stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me. The purse—this stupid purse—I threw it across the room. It hit the wall and fell on the floor with a soft thud.

What a fucking joke.

I wasn't even sure why I bought it in the first place. Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for once. Maybe I just wanted to give her something without her assuming it came with any expectations.

But no.

Of course not.

Because to Grace, I am just the spoiled rich girl who threw money around like it meant nothing. The girl who had everything handed to her, who had no real problems. That's what she saw when she looked at me. Not a person. Not someone who—

I ran a hand through my hair, pacing the room, my heels clicking steadily against the floor. My chest felt tight, my hands curled into fists.

What was I even expecting?

That she'd smile and say thank you? That she'd take it instead of acting like it was some kind of trick?

I should have seen it coming.

She didn't even think twice. Just no, like the idea of accepting anything from me was disgusting.

And that should've been fine. It shouldn't have mattered. But it did. It pissed me off in a way I couldn't explain.

And I knew I didn't give her the chance to explain herself, but honestly, I didn't fucking need excuses.

I'd already had enough.

Just like she'd already had enough of me probably.

I grabbed the purse from the floor and shoved it into the back of my closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

Fine.

If that's how she wanted things, then good.

I'd make it easy for her.

I don't even know if she really meant that compliment, but she sounded sincere... that's why I bought that dress.

I tried to shake it off—really, I did.

I went through the motions: music, makeup, throwing on some expensive outfit I just bought because I was pissed off.

I chose to wear one, though—black high-waisted leather pants, a cropped top, and, of course, my stilettos.

I checked my red lipstick in the mirror, and left my room without a second thought.

My sunglasses already in place.

Unfortunately, I found my father in the living room.

"What are you doing, Maya?" he asked, turning in my direction.

I ignored him and quickened my pace.

"We're going to have lunch. Where are you going?" he pressed.

I spun around to face him.

"Have your precious lunch and dinner. Without me."

He sighed, rubbing his temple. "Maya, don't start."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Not starting anything. Just leaving. Big difference."

And that was it.

I left that house, slamming the door behind me.

My father was great at pretending things didn't exist if they weren't convenient for him.

And I make him believe it's okay.

I slipped into my car, shutting the door harder than necessary. The engine purred to life as I started my playlist, picking something loud.

My heels clicked against the pedals as I pulled out, until I parked outside my best friend's building. I typed her a quick message.

I leaned back against the seat, fingers drumming steadily against the wheel. Endless minutes later, the front door opened.

Lily walked over to my car, wiping some hair dye off her hand. "What are you doing here, bitch?" From her clothes, she looked like she'd just finished a styling session. "Just wrapped up some work. Hair, makeup, all that glam stuff. Someone's gotta make these people look good!"

She's a makeup artist/hairstylist.

"Surprise!" I said too enthusiastically.

She raised a brow. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" I shot back, then sighed. "I need a distraction. So, you need to follow me."

Lily sighed dramatically, then slid into the passenger seat. "You're acting weirder than usual. I think you're going insane, Maya. Where are we going?"

Instead of answering, I pressed my foot against the accelerator, speeding down the road.

Only when we pulled up to the most expensive spa in the city I finally speak.

"Spending the day here," I said, parking. "My treat."

Lily stared at me. "Yeah, you're totally insane. Quote me on that." She shook her head, already getting out of my car.

Lily knew I wasn't going to argue about it.

Arguing with me never works anyway.

I walked into the spa like I belonged there.

We picked out swimsuits from a shop there—and after changing, we stepped into the spa.

Lily treated herself to a fruit drink, I sank into the bubbling water, closing my eyes for a second. The heat felt good. Relaxing. Like maybe, for a moment, I could forget.

But of course, I couldn't.

My bestie settled next to me, watching me carefully. Too carefully.

"What?" I muttered.

She raised a brow. "You tell me. You've been weird all day."

I scoffed, leaning my head back. "I'm always like that."

"Yeah, bitch, I know that, but this is different," she pressed. "Something happened."

I hate that she knows me so well, I mean, we've been friends since middle school.

I rolled my eyes. "Nothing happened."

She gave me a look. The kind that said don't bullshit me.

I exhaled sharply. My fingers played with the water, breaking its surface. "I don't know," I muttered. "People just... piss me off."

That was the safest answer.

"Wow. Groundbreaking." She crossed her arms. "That's not even news."

I hesitated. Part of me wanted to let it out. But another part—the bigger part—couldn't.

"I just hate being seen a certain way," I finally said. "Like people think they know me when they don't. Like they look at me and decide who I am before I even say a word."

Lily was quiet for a moment. "I see... that sounds... frustrating."

I just let out a dry laugh.

"You're referring to anyone in particular?" She suddenly asked. Teasing just enough.

Something in my chest twisted, but I ignored it.

Maybe I didn't have to talk about it—

"Maybe the new roomie?" Lily added.

I froze for half a second. Too long.

Her eyes lit up. "Oh my God. It's her."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not."

Lily grinned like she had just won the lottery. "You hesitated."

I groaned, sinking lower into the water.

"Oh my god, you really hesitated, this is like the first time you did something like that!" She exclaimed enthusiastically.

I shot her a glare. "Quit that."

Lily seemed more intrigued. "What did she do, huh? To make you feel this frustrated?"

I scoffed. "She exists."

She laughed. "Wow. That bad, huh?"

I ran a hand through my wet hair, staring up at the ceiling, debating whether I should even bother. But Lily wasn't the type to drop things easily.

"She just—" I exhaled sharply. "She looks at me like she already knows everything about me. Like she's got me all figured out."

Lily hummed. "And that bothers you because...?"

"Because she doesn't know shit," I snapped.

She smirked. "Oh, so that's what this is about..."

I stayed silent.

Lily hummed again, clearly unconvinced. "It's not like you give people the chance to know you if you shut yourself off or act all... untouchable, Maya."

I sighed, leaning back.

It's not like she was too wrong about it...

"Maybe you don't want to admit it, but you don't sound angry like always. You sound more disappointed, Maya..." she said carefully, like we had some big secret to keep.

I frowned.

Again, I didn't speak.

"And that's very interesting..." my bestie grinned, enjoying this way too much.

I pushed off the edge and slid deeper into the warm water. It muffled everything—the voices, the noise in my head, all of it.

For a few seconds, it was quiet. Peaceful.

When I came back up for air, for the first time, I didn't feel like punching a wall.

I wasn't ready to go back, though. Not to that house. Not to her.

I'm fucking staying here. The whole afternoon. Maybe the whole night if it needs.

~

Hours passed.

Lily had gone off to get a massage, while I stayed in the water. Purposely alone.

Her words stuck with me. As much as I wanted to brush them off, I couldn't. Because she was right.

I do shut people out. I don't let them in.

Not really. Maybe I'd convinced myself it was better that way, easier. Maybe I thought no one would ever really get it, get me.

But had I ever given them the chance?

And maybe—just maybe, I am a person who likes to be in control and wants things to go according to my expectations... so, that's why I was so pissed off...

I stayed there, letting myself feel nothing for a while.

But eventually, at some point, I wanted to get back, and we left the spa.

It was dark. I drove Lily home and stopped in front of her place. She unbuckled her seatbelt and smirked at me.

"So... did you reflect on what I said?"

"You wish."

She giggled, grabbing her bag. "Yeah, don't be too stubborn about it."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah—right."

She shook her head, stepping out. "And by the way... the first time you saw Grace, you did the exact same thing she's doing to you right now..."

I raised a brow. "Which is?"

"Figuring her all out before knowing her. Someone told me you also called her Miss Perfection. Goodnight, Maya..." She closed the car door.

I stood there in shook at my own hypocrisy.

I might have been a little too harsh or pretentious—that's only because I'm tired of being misunderstood. Really, I am.

I drove off, heading back home.

I wasn't expecting to see Grace when I got there.

But maybe, just maybe, I hoped I would.

The house was quiet.

Just Nelly humming in the kitchen. She smiled warmly at me.

"Hi, Maya," she suddenly opened the toaster. "How was your day?"

"Busy, you know," I replied, trying not to weigh too much on this woman's shoulders.

She already has a lot to do—like dealing with my father and me since I was a child.

"How was yours, Nell?" I asked, sitting on the stool.

"Busy, you know," she replied with a knowing expression, if she didn't quite buy it.

I just laughed. She pulled a toast from the toaster and offered it to me. "Eat up, you'll feel better."

I took it, not really hungry, but knowing it would make Nelly happy to see me eat.

"Tomorrow I'll try to join for lunch or dinner," I said. "If I don't have that commitment," I added, remembering that specific thing.

"Right," she nodded patiently, "that's a good idea, dear. I'm going to bed now." She waved at me, smiling.

"Good night, Nelly, thanks."

After eating, I went straight to my room. Grace's door was closed.

I kicked off my heels, stripped off my clothes, and wiped off the remnants of my makeup.

Then I climbed into bed.

The ceiling stared back at me.

I turned on my side, exhaling.

My mind was still a mess, still tangled up in things I didn't want to think about.

I closed my eyes.

But sleep didn't come that easily.

It's okay, I'm used to it.