Page 34

"Stop the horse, Maya," my breath hitched as I pulled away.

Panic rushed through me. The world seemed to blur around me, everything spinning faster than I could keep up.

"Why?" she questioned.

"Please, just stop," I begged. "I want to get off."

Maya immediately did as I asked, though clearly reluctant. She pulled the reins and hopped off the horse, then turned and offered her hand to help me down.

I looked right into her tormented expression, and in that moment—everything was finally clear.

All this time, it was right in front of me, and I only just realize it.

"It was you," I said bluntly.

Maya furrowed her brows. "What are you talking about?"

"The night I was drunk, it wasn't Nick..." my voice came out unsteady, my heart was pounding. "It was you."

Maya stared at me, her jaw tightening, her eyes flickering with something unreadable—hope, regret... something else.

I paused to catch my breath. "I recognized the perfume. Your perfume, Maya. From that night."

She didn't say anything, but her eyes spoke louder than words—intense, searching mine in an overwhelming way.

"You held me up, carried me up the stairs, laid me down in bed... you literally helped me with everything," my voice wavered with emotion and realization.

Her lips parted slightly, tense, like she was holding back something she couldn't say.

"Why didn't you tell me, Maya?" My voice broke, barely holding itself together.

"You forgot, Grace, that's okay," she said, with no judgment—just a soft, understanding look.

I shook my head. "No, I didn't forget. It was always there, in the back of my mind."

"How so?" She asked, cautious.

"Because..." I let out a breath. "That moment felt so real. Like you cared. Like I wasn't alone."

Maya took a step closer, and so did I. Her gaze locked on mine—gentler, steadier—and my heart raced.

"I did care, Grace. I still do."

Her body pressed against mine, warm, making me shiver with pleasure. That touch only ignited something deep and undeniable—something I could no longer ignore.

"I'm really sorry. Forgive me. I thought it was a dream," I said, feeling so stupid for not realizing it sooner.

Maya's hand slid down my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"No, it was real. I'm here," she said, her voice firm, reassuring.

I lowered my gaze, suddenly realizing something else I hadn't let myself think until now.

"Did Nick—I mean, did he try to... because I wasn't myself anymore... and..." I was so fucking scared to face a new truth that the words barely escaped my lips.

"Grace," Maya held me in place, her fingers lifting my chin so our eyes could meet again. "I stopped it. Nothing happened with him. And nothing ever will if you don't want it to," she said, her presence steady against mine

My eyes filled with tears as I processed her protective words.

I knew what this was: she was trying to protect me from the weight of the truth.

"You didn't just keep me safe—you saved me, Maya," my hands shaking as I hid my face.

Her hands quickly reached out, softly pulling my trembling hands away from my face.

"Everything's fine now, Grace," her voice grounds me. "You're safe. Nothing's going to hurt you."

I drew in a sigh, feeling the weight in my chest ease. I gave a wordless nod, letting her words settle over me.

"Grace, you should know that..." Maya trailed off, as if struggling to find the right words. "I care about you deeply."

My heart was about to burst, and just like that, I was ready to tell her the only truth I knew—

"I care about you too, Maya, more than you know."

She smiled. "I don't just care, Grace," she clarified. "It's much more than that, because I—" she paused, taking a deep breath.

She moved a little closer.

Her face just inches from mine.

My desire almost fulfilled.

"I just wish to..." she bit her lip, leaning in closer.

The tips of our noses brushed slowly—warmly.

My whole body felt like it was about to explode.

Her warm breath lingered softly near mine, both of us suspended in a moment of deep anticipation.

But then—out of nowhere, my mind started racing uncontrollably.

Thoughts flooded, each one more chaotic and dramatic than the last. I couldn't slow them down.

"Maya, we can't do this..." my voice cracked as I looked down.

She froze. "Why not?"

"You know why..." I whispered, barely able to breathe.

Instead of letting go, she held me, her hands gently wrapping around my waist.

I just don't deserve this.

I haven't done enough to deserve her.

"Grace, I'm done pretending. I can't do this anymore." Her voice was unwavering between us.

My heart ached for this.

But I couldn't shut my mind off, no matter how hard I tried.

"Grace," Maya called, pulling me from my tormented thoughts. "If you feel it, don't fight this pull between us. Please."

I felt like I might cry endlessly.

"I can't even explain how much I feel it, Maya, but..." I swallowed hard. "We can't ignore everything around us..."

Maya tilted her head, her expression hardening. "It's just us, Grace. I don't care about anyone else—it's just you and me."

I sighed desperately. "I wish it was like that but... it's not."

Maya ran her fingers through my hair as her lips released a deep exhale. "What is it that really scares you, Grace?"

I leaned into her touch. "I'm terrified," I admitted. "Terrified of making everything worse, of hurting anyone—especially you."

"You don't have to be afraid of that. You're not hurting me." Her voice was direct, reassuring, but I was too lost in my own fears to hear it.

"I just can't help but think about all the consequences if we..." my breath caught.

"Grace, we can't keep pretending none of this matters," Maya clenched her jaw, her hands still firmly wrapped around my waist.

She was still holding me tightly, still trying to calm me down.

"What about my mom, and your father, Maya? And everyone else around? They'd never understand. This is just so... complicated..." I shook my head, my vulnerability taking over. "I want this, but—"

Maya stepped back, cutting me off, her arms slipping away from my body.

It felt like all the warmth was just gone.

"There's always something holding you back," she muttered coolly.

"I'm sorry, Maya," I said desperately. "I know I'm hurting you. I'm so sorry, but—"

"There's no 'buts,' Grace—I'm allergic to 'buts'. I don't want to hear a damn one anymore," her voice cold with frustration.

"Forgive me. Let me explain," a tear ran down my cheek before I could stop it.

"Well, we can't fix this. Not with apologies, at least." Her voice clipped sharply as she averted her eyes.

"Maya, believe me, I'm just trying to protect us..." I pleaded.

She scoffed. "What a great way to protect us—by letting me go."

God, I feel terrible. Like I stabbed her with my own fear and then begged her not to bleed.

"No..." I tried to argue. "Let me explain that my—"

"Yes. And I'm done," Maya cut me off.

"What do you mean?" I quickly asked, freaking out.

She was struggling to hold herself together, but I could see it in her eyes—in the way she tightened her jaw—she was heartbroken.

"You heard me—I'm done. Now get on the horse again so we can end this here."

End?

I don't like that word—final, rough. Like she was shutting a door I wasn't even ready to open.

Maya climbed back on her horse, her posture rigid, stiff. But even though she was deeply hurt, she still offered me her hand to help me up.

I don't think I deserve such a sweet gesture.

No—clearly I don't.

I'm the worst.

"I'll walk, you go..." I begged.

Her hand still hovered, still ready to grab mine."I'm not—I can't leave you here alone, Grace," her voice urged.

"It's fine, Maya... I need to walk alone. Please..."

She looked at me one last time, slowly pulling her hand back. She was about to say something but didn't. Her expression was completely devastated, though she tried to keep it together.

I felt so fucking guilty and lost—like my heart was being ripped out of me.

Maya grabbed the reins and urged her horse to go faster than I expected, as if she just wanted to escape everything.

I stood there, frozen, watching her disappear, feeling like I was losing her over and over again.

My pulse quickens remembering how close we got—almost a kiss.

The way I can't stop wanting her, even when I tell myself this is a terrible—terrible idea.

I'm shutting myself off again—I'm letting my fears decide for me again.

I don't want to go back to my old self.

But I don't know how to stop it.

I'm not strong enough to stop it.