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Forty-Two

Huck

“Oh man, you are a real dumbass.” Zoe, truth-teller, lawyer, and future awesome mother, has my cell number. I don’t remember giving it to her, but I’m glad when she calls even if she starts off strong with a string of insults.

“Fuck. I know.”

“A quaint little house with a blue door and a porch light you’ll leave on for her? This isn’t Pete’s Dragon and you singing “Candle on the Water” to your lost ship’s captain. You broke her heart last year, and now you’re doing it again for a really stupid reason.”

“It’s not that simple. There’s nuance.”

“Yeah, if nuance has developed a drinking problem recently and has a long history with you. You could’ve told her about Teddy. Better yet, you could’ve stayed and fought for her.”

“I don’t think so. I didn’t want to ruin their friendship.”

“You think that they’re coming out of this unscathed? You’re an even bigger dumbass than I thought. What exactly, may I ask, was your plan?”

“I didn’t have one. I guess I thought maybe she’d read the whole book and understand about Iceland.

And honestly, when Ted agreed to let me come, I hoped he might have moved on.

Though it became pretty apparent pretty fast that he hadn’t.

I tried to stay away from her, keep things professional, but I couldn’t.

I can’t explain Stella. She’s like a force of nature that’s impossible to try to overcome, like gravity or magnetism.

If I’m being really honest with myself, I don’t want to overcome her.

I don’t feel very good about myself most of the time.

I’m either failing or waiting for things to fall apart as they inevitably do when I’m involved.

She makes me brave enough to try anyway, even if I might not succeed.

And if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. At least not to her. ”

Zoe sighs loud enough for it to register through the phone line. “Look, maybe it’s not a completely lost cause. Come back, Huck. Tell the truth. Stand up for what you want and let her choose.”

“What if she doesn’t choose me?”

“Then at least you’ll know that it was her letting you go, not you making the decision for her.”