Page 53

Forty

Stella

I beat Zoe back to the harbor after finishing my half of the shopping list in record time.

I’m so invested in planning the best spot to wait for her arrival and launch my full gloating campaign, I almost miss Huck heading toward me.

I beam at him for a second before I spot the suitcase he’s rolling behind him down the dock.

I can barely process what I’m seeing. My reusable grocery bag slips out of my hands, spilling the items I’d bought for the next few days of meals on the wooden slats.

An orange rolls past me off the pier and drops into the water.

I watch it bob and float away before I turn to him.

“I don’t understand,” I say. “You’re leaving?”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“It looks like you’re packed.”

“I know, but I’m just moving off the boat.”

My mind is racing, and I realize I’ve started pacing.

“We just started salvaging. You remember, right? The bars of gold and massive emeralds? The Elephant’s Heart Diamond?

And we’re working together so well. It’s like we’ve all been diving together for years.

Everyone loves having you here. I just don’t get it. ”

“Stella, I promise, I’m not leaving.” He reaches out and cups my face with his hand.

“Yes, I think for everyone’s sake, it would be better if I didn’t go out on the Lucky Strike anymore.

But I’m not going back to New York, I’m staying in Key West. I’ve rented a little bungalow in Truman Annex for the whole summer.

You can stay with me whenever you want.”

I shake my head. I’d barely gotten over the pain of what happened in Iceland, and even though I hear his words and see the earnestness in his expression, I don’t trust them.

I don’t trust him. I thought I did. I thought I could …but I was wrong. What could have made him want to walk away from me again?

My life is maps and instincts and people I love choosing to walk away from me toward something more important every single time. My throat tightens.

“I feel so stupid,” I say.

“Please don’t. You’re not. I’m not getting this right. I know what I’m telling you doesn’t make a lot of sense right now. I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t feel this way because I can’t understand you.

I should’ve known you would do this, that’s it.

But the timing. God. I just let you close again, and this feels like history repeating itself.

You don’t know what to tell me?” My voice crescendos.

“Tell me something . Explain. You owe me that. Because all I see is that you’re leaving, and asking for my blessing or something, but really it just feels like this is you breaking my heart again. ”

He stares at his feet and that’s almost the worst part of this. “Meeting you, searching for treasure with you…it’s been one of the greatest adventures of my life. I’ve been incredibly lucky…I know that. I didn’t want to break your heart then and that’s not what I’m doing now. I swear.”

“That’s not an explanation.”

“I know it isn’t. I just can’t yet. But listen, you’d like the house I rented. It’s a two-story house on Admirals Lane, white with a bright blue door and shutters. You can’t miss it. There’s an old-fashioned light on the front porch; I’ll leave it on for you. Come whenever you want.”

I shake my head. It sounds so promising, but it isn’t real.

It’s like one of his books. I’m trying not to say the words that I know will break things so badly that they’ll never be fixed.

But I can’t stop myself. The hurt and disappointment are too strong, fusing into fury in my chest. I found the Stolen Treasure.

I am this close to finding the Heart. And nothing has changed. I’m still the one everyone leaves.

“I can’t. I can’t do this again. If you go, it’s for good,” I say.

“No, don’t say that. You want the truth? Okay. Let’s go talk to Ted—”

“I don’t care what he says. He’s not going to win me over for you.

It won’t work. I tried to give this another chance.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I could have someone who wants to stay by me, who can give me a little stability, who won’t always leave me waiting for the other shoe to drop. ”

“I still want to be that for you.”

“Leaving a porch light on isn’t enough.”

He nods. I want him to stop looking at me with that sad expression, the one that makes me believe that there’s something left to fight for here, that I wasn’t wrong twice, but I know better. There’s nothing. Maybe there never was. Tears fill my eyes.

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

The only thing I’m sure of is that Huck Sullivan is a good storyteller. Better than anyone knows.

He made me believe.

Even now, he looks just as broken as I feel…another story he’s spinning for me.

I wipe my tears and pick up the groceries I’d dropped on the pier and head back toward the boat.

I can’t be near him anymore, trying to hold myself together before I break apart like a ship on a reef in a hurricane.

Years from now, someone might salvage the relics of my heart from this very spot, but in this moment, I walk away from him.

“Stella,” Huck calls. “It’s not what you think. Please, let me find the right words to explain.”

The distance stretches between us and I want to stop and end the painful tearing that comes with the separation, but I won’t. I can’t. I don’t look back.

I walk down to my quarters and shut the door behind me.

My hands are trembling. A tide of emotion and hurt swells inside of me, and I shake with the effort to hold it in.

I spot my copy of The Fortune Files on the little table next to my cot.

In one swift motion, I pick it up and launch it across the room.

It smacks against the wall and clatters to the floor along with the tiny Icelandic sheep Huck gave me, which it knocked off the shelf.

I crouch down to look at the carnage. The figurine’s head has broken off and I’m immediately furious at myself for breaking it.

The book landed open beside it, and I pick it up to throw it in the trash along with the dismembered sheep.

I don’t even want them in my room. I need every trace of him gone.

I thought he’d written me our love story.

I got it wrong. I sit on the floor and lean against the wall while I cry.

He made me believe that he loved me…that this time was different.

I let him make a fool out of me. Again.

I glance down at the page the book is open to. Ripping it apart page by page won’t change the truth but it might be cathartic. A tear drops on the paper and the words come through blurry, but still there.

I have this urge to take care of Lucky, to greet her with coffee and those pastries she likes with poppyseeds and the moon in the name.

While we eat, I’ll confess my feelings. Tell her what I want—to be with her no matter the cost. She has upended my life, irrevocably, in the very best way.

I unwrap my arm from her, carefully, and rise from the blanket we share.

It’s fast, I know that. And even though it surprises me, I’m sure of my feelings.

The fact that I feel this way again is a miracle in itself; the purity with which I recognize it and don’t question it is another thing altogether.

I used to think of myself as a lucky man, but that stopped a while ago when my dad died, and Veronique left me and I lost myself.

I lost everything. But I feel lucky today.

I know now that losing the people who don’t care about you leaves space for the ones who will change your life. Their absence left space for her.

The sound of crunching gravel startles me out of my thoughts. Timothy stands a few yards away, shrouded in a black peacoat, thermos in his hand. Steam rises from it. He lifts his chin to acknowledge me and I step away from my spot next to Lucky to meet him.

“Hey, man,” I say.

“You guys stayed out here on the beach all night?” he asks.

“Wasn’t intentional. We got talking and just kept talking.” I wonder if he can tell that I love her. Does emotion radiate from me like the sun on the waterfall’s mist?

Tim’s eyes drift over to where Lucky still slumbers, her bare shoulder just visible in the sleeping bag. “Must’ve been quite a conversation.” The weight of his gaze presses on me.

I lift my shoulders a fraction. “You know Lucky,” I say.

“I do.” There’s a sharpness in his voice that’s new.

He stares out at the beach long enough for me to wonder if he’s going to speak again.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her,” Tim says finally. “Have you forgotten why you’re here?”

“She’s incredible.” I can’t stop myself from grinning. “When I’m with her, I can see a whole new life for myself. It doesn’t matter who I’ve been or where or the things I’ve done.”

“That’s great. But you shouldn’t put her on a pedestal. Things put on pedestals tend to fall and break.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

“I think we all know that that’s exactly what you’re going to do.

” The menace in his tone is impossible to miss.

Still, I almost don’t recognize it at first. And maybe I understand a little.

I’m flawed. I’ve done bad things. Unforgivable things.

Tim knows this. But I’ve tried to make things right, be a better man. Lucky made me want to change.

“You’re not right for her.”

“What makes you say that? We’ve been having a good time together.”

“This is a trip, man. It’s a rush being around her, right? She’s 100 percent committed to what she’s doing, to the hunt. I get it. Her enthusiasm is contagious, inspiring. You’re probably already planning on joining her next expedition, only without her crew, just the two of you and the open sea.”

I shift as his words hit a little too on the nose.

“How long before you do exactly what you always do?”

My body turns cold.

“At the end of the day, you’ll always be the guy who messes up and disappoints people and leaves them holding the bag.”

“I’m different. I’ll be different for her.”

“You’re not different. You’re the same old guy you’ve always been.

Finding that treasure was a rush. But you got lucky, Finn.

We’ve been hunting for years and never come close.

And you spend a few days tagging along and suddenly you’re the one helping her extract a trove from behind a waterfall?

It’s a onetime thing. Beginner’s luck. And when that’s over and it’s the off season or you keep coming up empty, this feeling, it won’t be the same.

You’ll find out that she’s just a regular girl, not some magical creature. What then?”

“Then we live happily ever after,” I say, glancing back at her. Her face is still peaceful in sleep.

“What, you’re planning a future with her? Long-term plans?” Tim’s laugh is acid. “You think you love her?”

I want to argue, I don’t think, I know…I know, don’t I?

That’s why I feel more alive than I have in years, why my heart beats fast when she’s near me.

The reason I shared those things I haven’t told anyone.

Why else would I be figuring out how to walk away from the life I’ve always known, ready to risk it all for a future with her? These feelings aren’t fiction.

Realization washes over me like the rough waves behind us. Tim and Lucky, a collection of moments, of long glances and touches on the shoulder, the waist, the back; of knowing smiles, inside jokes, and borrowed clothes, come together to play on a reel. There’s no denying it.

Tim is in love with Lucky. My oldest friend and the woman of my dreams.

From the look on his face and the sad rage in his voice when he speaks to me, he has been for a very long time. I should’ve known. That’s why he never mentioned her to me. She was only for him.

He must sense my understanding, because his face, the tone of his voice, every single aspect of him changes.

The heat and color, even the air, seem to drain out of him.

He takes a tentative step toward me. “You know I’ve never asked you for anything, Finn.

And after everything that happened, I really do want you to be happy, but not like this, not with her. Please.”

I feel like an asshole.

My heart falters as I realize that not only is my oldest friend head over heels in love with Lucky, but it’s possible that this woman who has captivated my body and soul and made me believe in a future might just be in love with him too.

And why wouldn’t she be? He’s been the one by her side.

He’s never tried to steal from her or told her lies.

He’s a good man. One who has never left her.

And will make sure that she’s never alone or in need.

He would even betray his best friend to protect her.

And I, well, he’s right that I don’t deserve her. I’m the guy who always lets people down.

I’m nobody’s hero.

“You’re not good enough for her, Finn.”

I look back at her one more time. Memorizing the way she looks, the exact placement of each freckle on her nose, the precise location of the tattoo on her neck, the movement of her pale hair in the ocean breeze.

I gently pull the sleeping bag up so that her shoulder is covered, and then I do the only thing I can do, because I love her, I love them both.

“It’s for the best,” Tim says to me as I pass by him. “We both know it.”

And I believe he’s right in that moment. It’s only that knowledge that allows me to keep breathing as I walk away.

I shed a tear with each step. One for every year we might have passed by each other’s side if I had been a better man, a stronger man, a braver man. If I had been different, or good, or right…but I’m not. So I let her go.

I know she’ll find happiness, even if I’m not there to witness it, now that she’s free.

She’s free. This is what I tell myself as the distance between us grows.

She is free…And me? I’ll carry her, and what could’ve been, with me for the rest of my days.

Oh my god.