Page 20

20

LAVINIA

Something is pounding.

A constant war drum going off in my head, expanding and growing louder as I slowly come to.

I try to keep my eyes closed and drift back to sleep, but new pains flare in my body as the thick fog lifts.

My whole backside is burning, bruises and scrapes all over my body are stinging, and my wrists are screaming from the raw sores circling them.

The worst pain is not the one on the outside, though, or even the searing sensation throbbing in my back opening.

No, what has me wailing into the room is the flare of memories.

Painful, brutal, heart-shattering memories and realizations.

The helplessness of being bound and beaten, the worthlessness of being reduced to a whore, and the soul-shattering sensation of a man forcing his erection into my ass, clawing along my dry walls, and invading me in the most dehumanizing way possible.

But not even that is the worst thing.

It’s just another straw on the already broken camel’s back.

What has me releasing another clawing scream is the betrayal.

The crushed hope.

How cruel can this world be?

After everything I’ve lost and endured, I finally worked up the nerve to forge my escape and slit my wrists.

And just when I was about to leave, I was swept away.

Into another hell, where the flames burn twice as hot and the devil’s claws scrape twice as deep.

Out there, I got raped and abused, but I was always free to roam on and escape one hell; in here, I’m trapped in ways I could have never imagined.

Trapped within narrow halls where beasts roam.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

Trapped in this padded cell, forced to endure this stagnant life.

No choice, no chance.

Just trapped.

I can’t accept it.

I just can’t.

I won’t.

I stare down at my wrists and the scars the knife left—the one I wielded.

Why couldn’t I do it?

Why am I so weak?

A new wave of anger wells inside me, this time directed at myself.

It crashes with all the fury at the world and every cruel thing it has to offer.

I can’t accept that I’m stuck here.

I can’t accept my weakness.

I need to end this.

Somehow, any way I can.

I gnash my teeth together as I watch the blue veins beneath my skin.

I might not have a knife, but I have something else.

If only I am strong enough, I can end things right here and now.

I can escape.

With a sharp inhale, I gather all my will and sink my teeth into my wrist.