Page 32 of He Taught Me to Hope (Darcy and the Young Knight’s Quest #1)
B y now, my father will have read the letter conveying the news of my decision not to go through with the marriage to Mr. Geoffrey Collins , she thought as she cradled her sleeping child in the public carriage on the road to London.
Pursuant to her actions, she wondered if she might ever see her childhood home again.
Having overseen the packing of all her worldly possessions in anticipation of the wedding, all that remained was to have her sister Mary arrange for her belongings to be sent to her new home.
My new home, she silently deliberated. Wherever that might be.
It was one thing to arrive unexpectedly at her Uncle and Aunt Gardiner’s doorstep, seeking temporary shelter; surely, she could not expect to reside there for any extended length of time.
Jane, who had travelled with them to town just after Christmas, had decided to remain with them indefinitely.
In fact, Elizabeth understood from her correspondence from her eldest sister, that she was effectively the Gardiner children’s nurse and governess.
She had no idea what had led to that particular arrangement, though she was destined to find out.
Elizabeth sat in her uncle’s study intent on apprising him of her plans for her future.
Right away, she could tell something was amiss.
Never before had she witnessed such turmoil in her uncle’s face.
He had borne a troubled, weary smile from the moment he walked into the door after a long, laborious day in his warehouse.
“Uncle, I appreciate the hospitality both you and my aunt have shown in allowing Ben and me to stay here. I want to assure you it is but a temporary measure for I intend to use some of the funds I have entrusted to your care as a means of securing a modest house in town or a small cottage in the country.”
“Lizzy, my dear,” he began. “There is a matter I wish to discuss with you; one I had wished to avoid altogether. Alas, in light of your appeal, it is incumbent upon me to inform you of the details of my handling of your funds.
“You see, my dear, an exceedingly lucrative venture was presented to me a while back, coupled with a chance to increase my stake, a little more than six months ago.” Mr. Gardiner went on to explain the intricate nature of the investment; not only had he invested the greater part of Elizabeth’s capital assets in the speculative venture, he had invested a significant portion of his own funds as well.
“It is not as bad as it sounds,” Mr. Gardiner explained. “You will see a substantial return of your investment. It is just a matter of timing. To liquidate your stake now would result in a significant loss.”
“What exactly are you saying? When do you anticipate a return of my investment?”
“At least five years hence. Mind you, my dear, your purpose in saving has always been to secure your son’s education. My intentions were based on your plans to marry Mr. Collins, thus rendering no need for ready liquidity.”
“I beg your pardon, Uncle, but I beseech you to speak honestly. What is the true state of my holdings, this investment notwithstanding?”
He opened his ledger and pointed out her worth.
Elizabeth’s heart sank. She was no better off financially than she was when her father-in-law had passed away.
Far from penniless, she was hardly in the position of providing for her son in a manner befitting the young heir.
All of those years of living frugally, sacrificing, and saving the bulk of her meagre monthly stipend in anticipation of her son’s education were for naught.
What if my uncle is mistaken? What if the speculative investment fails?
“Fear not, Lizzy,” he said as if reading her mind.
He took her into his embrace. “Though my finances are as tenuous as yours at the moment, I will not see you and Ben go without.
I bear full responsibility for your current straits.
I will do whatever I must in supplementing your monthly stipend to allow you and Ben to live comfortably—regardless of the sacrifice to my own wife and children.
“There is no need to rush into anything just now. Ben and you are free to live here for as long as you wish.” Five children, four adults, and only one remaining servant, as best as she could tell, residing in overly crowded conditions in a home less than a third the size of her childhood home, scarcely a tenth of the size of Camberworth.
While it might do for Elizabeth, it was hardly the childhood she had envisioned for her son.
In light of her drastic change of fortune, what other choice had she?
Elizabeth allowed herself the comfort of his arms for only a moment before she pulled away from her uncle. “If you will allow it, I fear I need some time to myself to comprehend fully all you have said.”
“Of course, I will leave you for now. Take as much time as you need.” Her uncle slowly moved towards the door, as Elizabeth walked over to the window to peer into the darkness of night.
Mr. Gardiner regarded her with a heartfelt look of apology, one she did not observe, then slowly closed the door behind him.
Hours later, in the loneliness of her uncle’s study, lit only by a single candle, Elizabeth wondered if she had made the best decision in rejecting Mr. Geoffrey Collins, after all.
Had it not been for her friend Charlotte’s generosity in offering her all the excess pin money she had managed to amass, Elizabeth would not have been able to arrange the expeditious departure from Hunsford.
A young woman and her son travelling by post, departing in much the same manner as they had arrived, yet not quite the same as regarded the prospects for her future.
Her arrival in Hunsford was marked by resignation to a certain fate.
Her departure was marked by a steadfast determination to make her own way in life.
The wounded looks from the girls had been countered by the disdainful looks from Mr. William Collins. To his great contentment, the matter of her broken engagement and hurried departure had all been managed in a way that caused no diminishing of his noble patroness’s esteem towards himself.
No, she would not second-guess her decision.
Recalling her hastily spoken words that she would sooner live in the street than subject her son to Mr. Collins’s tyranny, in her heart she knew it would never come to that.
Surely, she could scrape out a modest existence for her son, even if it meant letting a small place and relying on her meagre monthly stipends to carry them through.
As the daughter of a gentleman, and the mother of a gentleman as well, the last thing she ever intended was to reduce Ben’s prospects one bit.
In removing him from the Carlton family estate, she had sought to raise him in an atmosphere free from debauchery.
He was heir to his late grandmother’s fortune, a substantial fortune held in trust until he reached majority.
Try as she might to not find fault in her uncle’s handling of her finances, she could not help feeling a measure of resentment.
She had been saving her money to pay for Ben’s education.
His grandfather, as well as his father, had been educated as proper gentlemen.
She wanted nothing less for her son. She prayed it was destined still to be.
For all intents and purposes, Elizabeth had commandeered her uncle’s study, as day after day, she would sequester herself inside.
When she did venture beyond the room, it was to offer whatever assistance she could provide to her aunt and to tend to Ben’s needs.
She did not intend either of them would be an added burden.
She had very little of meaning to say to anyone, sensing, as she did, an ever widening gulf between her sensibilities and those of her eldest sister Jane.
Too much had happened since she last shared confidences with Jane.
How might she explain her decision to reject the hand of not one, but two respectable men in the course of a few weeks?
Certainly, Jane could not be expected to be sympathetic, having never received a single offer of marriage.
With all of her angelic beauty, at six and twenty, Jane seemed contented to spend her life as the unpaid nurse and governess for her uncle and aunt’s four children.
Perhaps her Aunt Gardiner might understand, but Elizabeth did not trust herself not to speak candidly on her true feelings over the repercussion of her uncle’s investment schemes on them all.
Feeling dismayed, she endeavoured to recall all her uncle had done for her over the years.
Without doubt, he did not intend her any harm, she reckoned.
It is enough that he will have to live with the shame of his deeds.
Besides, she had ceded control over her finances to him because she had a deep abiding trust in his judgement. She would forgive him.
Again, it was just another example of the failings on the part of the men in her life; first, her father for not doing his duty in making sure she had a proper marriage settlement and secondly, her father-in-law for his apparent belief in his own immortality.
However, she would not blame him too much.
At least, he had arranged for her to have a lifetime annuity, pursuant to her husband’s untimely passing, though hardly enough to keep Ben and her in the style to which they were accustomed.
He had thought they always would reside at Camberworth.
How I wish I had not ceded all matters of finance to my uncle. Would that I could have inquired more into the state of my own financial dealings?