Page 31 of He Taught Me to Hope (Darcy and the Young Knight’s Quest #1)
“Apologise to the girls this instant for your unseemly behaviour and promise not to upset them with such foul things as this again.”
“No! I will do no such thing!” Ben insisted. “There is no harm done!”
Collins took hold of Ben’s wrists and scolded him. “Return to your room at once, where you are to remain until I arrive and attend to your punishment! You will learn to conduct yourself as a civilised young man who gets along with his sisters and not some wild savage who torments them!”
Cowered by the man’s fury, Ben broke free and ran towards the parsonage-house. Elizabeth was appalled. She made no pretence to hide her own anger. She stood to race after her son to offer him solace.
“Stay where you are!” Collins ordered. “You must learn to stop coddling him as though he were a helpless infant. He is a mischievous young boy badly in need of a strong hand!”
Elizabeth looked at Mr. Collins as though he had taken leave of his senses.
As irate as she was, she spoke not a word, even as she completely disregarded his admonishment.
Rather she considered that this was not the time, not in front of the girls.
However, rest assured she would make her way of thinking known.
First things first, she raced after Ben to nurse his bruised feelings.
A day filled with tension eventually neared its close when everyone else retired, and it was just Elizabeth and Geoffrey Collins who remained downstairs.
That evening, Elizabeth was as eager as was he for the moment to arrive, when it was just the two of them, alone.
Elizabeth was set upon firmly taking Mr. Collins to task for mistreating her son as he had.
Discipline was one thing, but it was hardly an excuse for his being stern, severe, harsh, and rude.
True, she was reared in a house full of females as he was so apt to point out, but she knew enough to know boys will be boys.
She had hardly spoken a civil word to him the entire day, and yet it was as though he was wholly oblivious to the fact that she was furious with him.
Just another example of how he views the world.
The man, the woman, the child—everyone has his or her place, she considered.
Collins sat close to her on the sofa with his arms resting atop its edge. “I look forward to our evenings together, which makes what I have to say all the more difficult.”
“Pardon me, Mr. Collins, I too have a matter which I can hardly wait to discuss with you.”
“If you will allow me, Elizabeth, to express that which is uppermost in my mind first, I am certain it will put to rest any concerns you may have.
“I am most eager to make you my wife, to share your passion. You and I have made such progress over the past two weeks. I am convinced we should not wait any longer.” Collins moved nearer to reduce any distance between them.
“I know it will be some time before the marriage will take place, but the sooner we make it publicly known, the sooner we will be united.
I plan to return to my home to have the Banns read, for it is there, in my own parish that I intend for us to wed .
“Does that not sound wonderful?” Mistaking the incredulous look on her countenance as elation and interpreting her silence as acceptance, he leaned forward to kiss her lips.
Elizabeth turned her face in time enough for his lips to render a scant brush against her cheek.
It seemed enough for him as he drew her closer and rested her head against his shoulder.
Even as she resisted his embrace and put some distance between them, he uttered, “Tell me you are as excited for us to begin our life together as am I.”
Elizabeth would not utter the words he wished to hear; she could not. He raised her chin to look into her eyes.
“What is it, Elizabeth?”
“Mr. Collins,” she began, after finally freeing herself of his touch. Upon walking away towards the window, she turned to face him. “I am sorry if what I am about to say is a cause for pain, to you, as well as to Gillian and Emily. However, I cannot go through with it.”
“What are you saying? You have accepted my hand already. The only thing that remains is the formalities.”
“No, I will not marry you. I must confess that I, in good faith, shall not pretend to have feelings for you such as you want and admittedly deserve. While I believe you might be a good husband to someone, you cannot possibly be a good husband to me, and I surely will not be a good wife to you. Everyone deserves some measure of happiness. All either of us would offer the other is misery. Of this I have no doubt. Your dogmatic approach to wedded life is in every way offensive to me. You sir, do not want a wife! You want a subservient creature, one who submits to your every dictate. I know myself well enough to know I would be in grave danger of an unhappy alliance should I pretend to be that person.”
“Elizabeth, I confess to having very established views on matrimony. I know I have a tendency to come across as harsh and demanding at times. I am not unreasonable. I am quite agreeable to change my ways, if that is what I must do. I have already begun to take a different view on many things since becoming acquainted with you. ”
“It is more than just your rigid expectations of me, and you know it!”
“What other objections have you to our marriage?”
“Do you think I would be tempted to marry someone who has been the means of such heartache and pain to my son?”
“Do not discard the security I offer you and your son just because you fear I mean your son harm. You and I have a difference of opinion on what is best for him, is all. Elizabeth, you must trust me to know what is best in such instances. You are a young woman. Moreover, you were reared in a household of silly females. What do you, a mere woman, know of what it takes to raise a man?”
“I wager there are better ways to rear and discipline a child, regardless of its sex, than to resort to harshness and oppression!” Elizabeth spoke in raised tones.
“You may be an excellent father to your own daughters; however, your ideas for Ben, in every way, are opposed to my own views on how my child should be reared.”
“Granted, I may at times have appeared a bit severe when speaking to Ben. Again, I am willing to change in that regard, if you will but allow me the chance.”
“It is much too late for that. In the face of your callous treatment of my son, your self-righteous views on what is best for Ben, what is best for us, you sir, are the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry. I would sooner take my son and live in the streets, than I would subject him to your harsh and bitter treatment ever again!”
Collins stared at Elizabeth with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification.
How on earth could he have been so mistaken about her?
He walked with quick steps across the room in a futile attempt to rein in his temper.
It would not do. Did he even know her? He halted abruptly and faced her.
Speaking with utter contempt, he declared, “Spare me your sanctimonious speech about my treatment of your precious son! You and I both know what this is about!”
“What on earth signifies more than what I have conveyed?”
“Your change of heart has little to do with your son and everything to do with your feelings for Fitzwilliam Darcy! I warn you of the foolishness of this path you have chosen. He is the type of man who wants that which he cannot have. Be forewarned, the sooner you are free, the sooner he will take what he can get from you and then move on. He would be a fool not to marry his cousin, especially when he can marry her and have the likes of you as a mistress on the side.”
“You are quite mistaken. My reasons are just as I have expressed. This has nothing to do with Mr. Darcy and everything to do with you and me. A marriage between us would prove a grave mistake.”
“Do you think for one moment you would find happiness with him? The mere fact that you were able to marry above your sphere once by no means suggests you might do so a second time, that you might ever be so fortunate again. It is one thing to marry a na?ve young man from a wealthy family, but your Mr. Darcy is no doubt a worldly gentleman of sense and education. He will never marry someone such as yourself; someone who is so far below him in consequence it is laughable.”
The realisation of his worst fears since first laying eyes on Darcy and Elizabeth in each other’s company finally having come to fruition, Geoffrey Collins would not be persuaded by what he perceived as her feeble attempts to deny the undeniable truth.
“Elizabeth, no pardon me, Mrs. Carlton— at least give me some credit for recognising lust when I see it, rather than continue to question my understanding. This has everything to do with him . For you to continue to deny it renders you all the more foolish, dare I even suggest duplicitous.
“In the end, it is for the best we do not marry, for if he has not staked his claim on your body as of yet, from what I know of his kind, it is merely a matter of time. Better, it should be with his mistress than with my wife!”
“You have purposely misread my meaning to suit your own selfish reasons. I implore you to be less condemning. We remain as family and our paths are bound to cross yet again. You shall see. My decision has nothing to do with Mr. Darcy! ”
“Yes, our paths no doubt will cross again, which is why I ask you one thing. Admit the reason for your change of heart has everything to do with your feelings for this other man, and I will release you from this engagement with no accusations of breached promises or the like.”
Elizabeth stood firm, unmoving, speechless. It was more than that. He had to see it, even if he sought to assuage his hurt pride by wounding her own. Unforgiving looks on both sides quickly gave way to loathing, neither of them willing to bend.
Finally, Geoffrey Collins conceded. “You disgust me! You both disgust me! You two deserve each other!” He turned to quit the room but just then stopped and turned to meet with her unrelenting posture.
His thoughts by then were of how he had grown to care for her.
What a disappointment she had been, forfeiting her promise, letting him down, and destroying his daughters’ hopes for a mother’s love.
He had thought of her as an intelligent, sensible woman.
He asked himself yet again how he had been so wrong.
“I shall take my leave of Hunsford at sunrise. Furthermore, I shall not upset Gillian and Emily with an abrupt uprooting of their stay. I will leave with the excuse of bringing their governess here to look after them. Mind you, when I return in four days hence, I shall not expect to find you here. Make whatever excuse you deem as necessary upon your departure.”
With that, he turned away once more, and upon quitting the room, closed the door forcefully.
Frozen there, it was as though time stood still before her, as Elizabeth considered what had become of her life and the uncertain, immediate future. Fragments of intense emotions abounded—alarmed and yet relieved, unsure and yet hopeful. At last, she was free.