Page 27 of He Taught Me to Hope (Darcy and the Young Knight’s Quest #1)

“I am afraid that my papa would refer to my marrying Ben’s father as an illustration of his point.”

Clasping his hands behind his back, Darcy said, “It is my understanding that your late husband hailed from a prominent family—highly regarded among Society. He was a young man of considerable fortune. What father would look unfavourably upon such a match for one of his daughters?”

“His opposition had more to do with my late husband’s age. Papa believed staunchly that a young man, especially one conferred with every blessing that such a young man ought to have, must take time to travel and know the world before taking on the obligations that marriage entailed.”

Here, Darcy ceased walking and encouraged Elizabeth to do likewise. He captured her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Allow me to tell you once more how sorry I am for your loss.”

Elizabeth smiled. There was a time when such sentiments, regardless of how kindly conveyed, evoked a profound longing in her heart. The pain of it all diminished with each passing day. “You are very kind, sir,” she said, pulling back her hand and taking up her former attitude.

“Indeed, I was stubborn in my determination to marry even against the favourite wish of a most beloved parent. But foolish, I shall never teach myself to consider my action as such, for I know without a shadow of a doubt that had I to do it all over again, I would not alter one thing; regardless of how ensuing events unfolded. I may have lost my father’s good opinion, but my son is the fruit of my marriage.

There is nothing in the world that is more important to me than being Ben’s mother. ”

“Ben is a blessing to everyone whom he meets,” Darcy said at length. “I, for one, am a better man having met him.”

Her spirits rising to playfulness, Elizabeth laced one arm around Darcy’s, clasped her hands, and leaned closer to him as they walked along the path. “Does this mean you now have cause to consider my stubborn nature a virtue rather than a fault?”

“Oh! A virtue absolutely,” he replied, settling an assuring hand upon hers. “I believe I am indebted to you for your stubbornness—an indebtedness I look forward to repaying time and time again if you will but allow it.”

“Mr. Darcy!” Elizabeth proclaimed, “You, sir, are incorrigible.”

Late that night, Geoffrey Collins and Elizabeth sat by the fire. Save the two of them, the household was perfectly still as the children were tucked in their beds, and Mr. and Mrs. Collins had also seen fit to retire.

The gentleman reached for Elizabeth’s hand and cradled it inside both of his.

She was not entirely comfortable with this manner of affection although she rather suspected she ought to be.

Regardless of the leanings of her heart, Elizabeth had committed herself to a lifetime with the man who sat next to her; not the one who was, by now, a new constant companion in her thoughts—the one whose eyes she had gazed into tenderly mere hours earlier and the one who was some miles away at Rosings Park and most likely suffering emotions akin to her own: Mr. Darcy.

Collins’s voice pierced Elizabeth’s musings. She heard him say, “Moments like these are paramount to me, my dear. Would that the two of us were already man and wife, so that I might demonstrate the strength of my desire for you in ways stronger than this.” He raised her hand to his lips.

Elizabeth wished to withdraw her hand, for this was the same hand Mr. Darcy had kissed earlier upon their parting on their morning walk. She could not. She would not, however, acknowledge her intended’s piercing gaze. Feeling the weight of his stare, she looked instead at the glowing cinders.

This is the life I have chosen for myself, she silently considered. At length, she faced her suitor and smiled, hoping it would be enough to appease him. There are worse fates than being admired by such a man, her thoughts beckoned. He will be a decent husband and a good father for my son.

Collins moistened his lips and gradually leaned closer to Elizabeth.

I am to be married to this man. I dare not twist away. Nor shall I close my eyes and pretend that the lips that inevitably will touch mine are the lips of the man who captivates me. But close my eyes, I must.

Mere moments later, to Collins’s displeasure were Elizabeth to judge by the manner in which he jerked away and approached the mantelpiece, a third party wandered into the room.

“Ben,” Elizabeth cried, her voice a mixture of patience and alarm. He strode straight to her and accepted her affectionate embrace. She cradled his head to her bosom and threw a conciliatory glance at Mr. Collins.

His complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. “The boy ought to be upstairs asleep in his bed, not here cuddled in your lap,” uttered the aggrieved gentleman as he moved abruptly toward Elizabeth and her son.

Smoothing her son’s unruly hair, she spoke softly. “No doubt, he suffered a nightmare. He is still accustoming himself to being at the parsonage. I shall accompany him to bed and sit with him for a while. That always helps.”

Collins folded one arm over the other. His voice thick with resolve, he demanded, “How do you expect him to grow into a man when you coddle him in this manner?”

Her spirits soaring to defiance, Elizabeth arched her brow. “Ben is my son, and I shall raise him in a manner that I deem proper, sir.”

“As his father, I will have my own opinion on the matter of how the boy is brought up, and you would be imprudent to suppose otherwise.”

Standing with her son, Elizabeth declared, “I do not believe now is the time for such a debate. Pray you will give me leave to retire for the evening.”

“I shall wait for you here, for there is much I would discuss with you before saying goodnight.”

“I am afraid whatever it is that you wish to convey to me must wait until tomorrow, sir,” Elizabeth said and then abandoned the room. I will not be told how to raise my own son, she silently declared. Not by Mr. Geoffrey Collins especially.

A few mornings thereafter, Elizabeth noticed Darcy seemed to be particularly troubled.

He was not at all the affable, conversant walking companion she had come to know.

She rightly attributed his demeanour to the scene that had unfolded at church the day before.

Mr. Collins had insisted Ben sit beside him during the sermon, much to Ben’s consternation, for he dearly wished to sit with his friend whom he had not seen in days.

Standing outside the church before the sermon began, Ben deliberately ignored Mr. Collins’s stern rebuke and appealed directly to his mother for permission to sit with Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam.

Awkwardly, Elizabeth sided with her intended.

The proud gentleman made no pretence of containing his satisfaction as he led the child and his mother inside.

The sight of the two people who had come to mean everything to him being led away by another man was more than he wished to bear and yet, there was nothing Darcy could say or do to alter things.

Darcy who, indeed, had been rather subdued since their initial greeting that morning caught Elizabeth wholly unawares with the intensity of his plea.

“In vain, I have struggled not to act upon our undeniable attraction to one another, but rather to allow us to become better acquainted without crossing the boundaries of your ill-judged arrangement with your cousin. It will not do.

“It was all I could do not to take you and Ben by the hand and lead you from the church yesterday. It is increasingly heart wrenching to see just how miserable Ben is under the gentleman’s tutelage. It is equally tormenting to witness your suffering, as well.”

Darcy moved nearer to Elizabeth and took her into his arms, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. “I want you, Elizabeth, with every fibre of my being. I want you. You and I belong together. I long to be by your side. I want you to be mine.”

His lips met hers for the very first time. Warm, moist, and inviting, it was all he dreamed it would be and more. He was beyond pleased. Darcy knew in that moment this was the woman with whom he would spend the rest of his life.

Her passionate response confirmed that which he already knew, she desired him just as much as he desired her. Moreover, he would have her. The very thought he would have her brought him back to the stark reality that she was not his—not yet.

Darcy ceased his amorous attentions to her lips.

“Please, forgive me—for my trespass against you. I had no right. I can offer no excuse other than to confess you mean the world to me. There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish to be with you. I want you in my life; please say you will share the rest of your days with me.”

The abrupt cessation of his lips on hers brought Elizabeth around to her right mind, as well.

Enveloped in his arms felt wonderfully fitting.

Yet, how could it be? Fighting against her body’s own aching desire and her lonely heart’s ardent pleading, she pulled herself from his gentle embrace, turned, and walked a few steps away.

“That is hardly a persuasive plea Mr. Darcy. Do you really expect me to turn my back on a decent and honourable man for a chance to be your mistress?”

Darcy went to her, reached out, and took her hand. “My mistress? You are my mistress—the mistress of my heart. Moreover, yes, for I am offering you more—to be mistress of my home, mistress of Pemberley. I love you, most ardently. Please do me the honour of accepting my hand.”

The look of unsuspecting surprise that overspread her lovely countenance urged the resumption of Darcy’s heartfelt proposal.

“I wish to be the one who takes care of you and your son. I want the two of you in my life. I will honour and protect the two of you. If you will but trust me and come away with me today, you will have no cause for regret.”

“Surely, you see the fault in your proposal, Mr. Darcy. The reality of our situations is that we both are spoken for, regardless of whether you choose to acknowledge the truth of the matter.”

“I will never marry my cousin! I am in love with you. I intend to devote my life to you.”

“Does Miss Anne de Bourgh know that?”

“Let us not speak of Anne. That matter is easily settled.

It is your encumbrance, alone, that stands in our way.

Deny him. Forget him. Break your arrangement with him today, so we might leave here together.

You need not return to Hertfordshire and suffer the disappointment of your family. I want you and Ben with me.

“Come away with me. I wish to be the one who takes care of you and your son.” He stroked the back of her hand tenderly.

“What is the purpose? I have made my choice for my future and that of my son. Sadly, it does not include you.” The disheartened look in her eyes instilled in her words a sense of hopelessness.

“How would I find happiness with you when I know it comes at the expense of a decent and respectable man and his two young daughters? ”

Elizabeth removed her hands from his. Speaking the words destined to cause both of them enormous pain, she continued, “If you love me half as much as you profess, I beseech you to let go of this undeniable hold you have over me. If you love me, let me go.”

“I do love you! But if you insist upon staying the unwise course of this path you have chosen for yourself, I will not interfere.” Darcy paused and put some distance between them. “I will not stand by idly and watch as you throw your life away—commit yourself forever to a man whom you do not love.”

A blaze of thinly disguised annoyance ripped through him.

Reluctantly and painfully conceding the fact that she needed time to see for herself that which was abundantly clear to him already, as well as the fact that he could only be in the way, Darcy resumed his portentous speech.

“Collins is not the man for you. However, I will leave Kent, thereby allowing for no further interference in your courtship, if it is what you want. Is this indeed what you truly wish for, Elizabeth?”

“I do. I made a promise to Mr. Collins. I intend to honour it, and not because of some misguided notion of loyalty to my family, but because he is a good, upstanding man who deserves nothing less than the trust he has bestowed in me by offering his hand and bringing us all together to become acquainted with one another before becoming a family.

He has done everything to live up to his part of the arrangement and has asked nothing more of me than I give us a chance.

“All I ask of you is to allow me to do just that.”

“Very well, madam. I will honour your request. I will return to town on the morrow. I do love you—enough to let you go your own way, to discover without further interference from me if he is the man for you.

“What I would ask of you is to allow me to see Ben before I go. I wish to be the one to impart the news of my departure.” Their eyes met. Darcy drew in his lower lip whilst awaiting her response. Elizabeth’s heart turned somersaults .

Deeply attuned to his hurting, for she suffered it as well, she spoke softly, “Have I ever purposely set out to keep the two of you apart?”

“You have not. I thank you for that.” Heart-wrenchingly silent moments later, he continued, “There is only one other thing I would ask of you.” Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand in his.

“Do not find yourself in a position where you need anything at all and be unwilling to turn to me. I will always be there for you.” Darcy reached out to caress her face for what he prayed would not be the last time.

He stared deeply into her eyes and uttered softly, slowly, “Always.”