Page 85 of Hard Rock Muse

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Ispent the night at Julian’s, crawling into the messy sheets and falling asleep after the tears subsided. I didn’t dream, just slept deeply as he held me in his arms. It was a change from the occasional nightmares and vivid impressions I usually experienced at night. It was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in a while.

I knew it was because of Julian. Because he’d listened to me. Because he’d reassured me. Because he held me.

Because he loved me.

The next morning I woke up before him. I stretched and yawned, basking in the warmth of his chest against my back. I turned in his arms and watched him for a few minutes. He breathed deeply, eyelashes still, not fluttering.

I didn’t want to wake him so I quietly snuck out of bed. After taking a shower and slipping into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt, I headed over to the kitchen.

I wanted to do something nice for Julian. I wanted make him breakfast. I wasn’t a genius in the kitchen but surely I could do better than toast, although I knew he wouldn’t complain if that was what he ended up with.

The kitchen was a mess from the previous night. We’d left the pot on the stove and the blended pesto in the mixer. I felt bad throwing it all out but I knew it probably wasn’t safe to eat after having sat there all night.

After cleaning up, washing down the counters and doing the dishes, I decided to use the veggies meant for the pesto pasta in an omelette. At least those could be put to good use.

The smell of eggs must have woken Julian because I heard him shuffle into the kitchen as I concentrated on flipping the omelette without breaking it.

He wrapped one arm around my waist from behind. He was wearing boxers and nothing else, his naked chest warm against me.

Julian buried his nose in my hair and inhaled, smelling me like he always did. I’d used his soap so I didn’t smell like my usual vanilla, but he let out a pleased sigh anyway.

He brushed the hair from one shoulder, exposing my neck, and placed a soft kiss there. It stung a little and I had to wonder if that was the same place where he’d bitten me the night before. I didn’t mind the sting. In fact, the sensation made a silly little smile cross my lips.

“Good morning,” he said. I felt his own smile on my skin. “How are you feeling?”

“Drained,” I admitted. I patted his one hand as it rested on my belly. “I thought we were just going to have a nice dinner.”

“I know things got pretty real last night,” he said. “But I’m glad. All of that shit needed to be aired. It’s not good to keep it all inside.”

I almost snorted and called him a hypocrite again, but contained it. Things right now felt calm, serene. I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

I did know that before we could truly move forward in our relationship, I’d eventually have to get Julian to talk to me. Today wasn’t that day.

But speaking of ruining the mood…

“I still can’t believe you managed to turn something that was supposed to be sexy into something so gross,” I told him, referring to the blowjob-turned-porno scene. “Where did you even come up with that last one?”

“Let’s just say the internet is a strange place.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I really don’t want details, do I?”

“Absolutely not.”

I wasn’t a prude by any means, but there were some things I just didn’t want to know about and that little scenariowas one of them.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” Julian said. “I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“If you hadn’t done something, I probably never would have opened up,” I replied. “You had to shock me into it.”

Maybe that was what I had to do to Julian. Shock him into talking to me.

But Julian and I were two very different people. I could just imagine how that would go down. He would clam up, shut down and probably run away like last time.

Besides, I’d promised him I wouldn’t push. I’d promised him I’d wait until he felt comfortable talking to me.

But I couldn’t wait forever. I couldn’t let myself fall further into this relationship knowing there was this secret hanging over us.