Page 70 of Hard Rock Muse

Abby made a sound of sympathy. She circled her arm around mine and rested her head against my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know you guys were finally starting to work through things again.”

“I just don’t understand him.” I set down my cup before my trembling hands could spill the hot liquid inside. “Maybe I never will. Maybe I never did.”

“That’s not true,” Abby said. “Aside from Seth, you’re probably the only other person in the world who does understand Julian Woods.”

“I thought we were getting so close,” I said. “I thought we’d finally fixed things, that everything could go back to the way it was before. But it turns out I didn’t understand him that well, even back then.”

“What didn’t you understand?” she asked.

I couldn’t tell Abby the whole story. I didn’t want to betray Julian’s privacy.

I played with the mug, using the handle to spin it back and forth, watching the tea slosh around. It looked like a mini tornado, reflecting the turmoil raging inside me.

“I found out that he’s been keeping something from me,” I said. “I thought I knew everything about him. I guess I didn’t.”

“Is it that important?” Abby asked. “Everyone has secrets. Everyone has things they’d rather not tell anyone else.”

“This is different,” I insisted. “We’re supposed to be together. We’re a couple. We’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other. We’re supposed to be learning to communicate like adults. We’re supposed to be more mature now.”

I stopped my rant as I realized I’d spun the cup so aggressively the tea had splashed over the edge, droplets dotting the table. I used my sleeve to wipe it up.

“Well,” Abby said thoughtfully, “you’re keeping a secret from him, aren’t you?”

I stilled. “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t told him the whole story about Keith, have you?”

I squirmed, uncomfortable, and rubbed at the wet spots on my sleeve.

“How do you know that?” I asked her.

Her lips twitched upward, almost amused.

“Because Keith is still alive,” she replied.

I let out a laugh despite myself.

“You can’t be mad at Julian for keeping secrets if you’re doing the same thing,” Abby said reasonably.

“I’m just not ready to tell him.” I looked down into my tea, the surface now calm and serene. “I don’t want him to think differently of me.”

“Do you really think he will?” Abby asked.

I exhaled loudly, feeling defeated.

“I guess I just don’t feel secure enough in our relationship yet,” I admitted.

“Did you ever wonder if maybe that’s the reason why he hasn’t told you?”

I paused, taking in her words.

Was that the reason? Was Julian worried I’d think differently about him if he told me about his past? I didn’t think that was possible. I loved him. Nothing would change that. He could tell me anything and it wouldn’t change my feelings for him.

But did he know that?

Did he feel secure enough in our relationship?