Page 8

Chapter 8

Liam

“First I’ll explain and then I’ll give you my apology.” I rushed the words out. Wiping the pizza grease off of my fingers onto my pants, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket. “I didn’t want to leave, but an obligation pulled me away and I dealt with it poorly.”

I opened the news article about the cancer ward’s dedication and handed Brodie my phone.

He was careful not to touch me when he took it. Just as he’d been careful not to touch me when he took the flowers. Both little acts gave me a sliver of hope that we could somehow get past this. I didn’t know if he’d forgive me, but I had to try.

“Piper Lawson Cancer…” Brodie’s voice trailed away as he finished reading the headline. I knew what the article read. It detailed her short fight and the people she left behind. Her parents had funded the cancer wing in her memory and her surviving husband had cut the ribbon to officially open it. The article detailed things about her that anyone with moderate internet skills could learn. Her job, her friends, the names of the professors she studied under. It made her sound hollow and not like a person at all, but a list of accomplishments and aspirations unfulfilled.

“Piper and I met in college. We married. We had plans and then she was gone. It was quick, like the world’s worst roller coaster. I’d put her behind me. Not all the way, of course, but enough that I could think of getting on with life.”

Brodie handed me my phone back and stuffed another bite of pizza in his face.

“My sister Carol practically raised me. Our parents are gone. When I met Piper’s parents, they became like a surrogate family. They’re generally very lovely people, but grief has changed them. It’s… her mother isn’t coping well. She makes me feel incredibly guilty whenever we speak because it’s like she’s upset that I’m not actively mourning Piper anymore. My peace disturbs her. She was the phone call I got.”

Brodie swallowed his bite and stared at me thoughtfully. Sympathy shone in his eyes. “I’m sorry about your wife.”

“I’m sorry that I never told you about her. At first it wasn’t important. We were just two guys who were having fun. And then we kept having fun and I felt alive again for the first time since she got sick. I didn’t want to say or do anything to change that. It was intoxicating. Being with you, Brodie, isn’t something I will ever regret. But I need you to know that if you have any questions about her, I’ll answer them. No one asks about her anymore.”

Brodie nodded and I hated that I didn’t know what that meant. Before I screwed things up for us, Brodie had been an open book to me. But now there were walls where windows used to be. I was tangled up inside trying to make this right. And the only way to do that was to continue giving him the truth.

When Brodie said nothing, I decided to keep talking. I sucked in a deep breath.

“Time for confession number two. My sister doesn’t know I’m bisexual. No one does. Piper knew, but her parents didn’t. Why would they?”

“So I’m the dirty little secret.” Brodie’s lip curled in disgust.

“No.” I reached for him, but stopped myself, unsure if my touch would be welcome yet. I pulled my hand back and folded it together with my other one, neatly placing them in my lap. “You’re not a dirty secret. You were a wonderful surprise. You were a burst of sunshine in a rainstorm. I didn’t want to take you with me because I didn’t know how to tell you everything that I’d been keeping from you. I’d gotten so caught up in our time together. I just kept telling myself that I could tell you later. And then it was too late.”

Brodie’s sneer faded, but he looked away from me and stared out into the distance. His half-finished slice of pizza sat in his lap. I watched him pick it up and take another bite.

“I should have been honest with you. I should have opened up to you. I was so fucking stupid, Brodie. I’ve hated myself every moment of every day since I got off the phone in that hotel room.”

He turned his head and looked at me. “How did you find me? I know you’re rich, but are you track a person to their brother’s house kind of rich? Do you have a spy on staff? A private investigator in your back pocket?”

I leaned so I could access the post card in my back pocket. I was almost afraid to show him in case he wanted it back. I pulled it out, careful not to inflict more damage. I’d thought about laminating it, but then there’d be a barrier between the paper he’d touched and the ink he’d used and my skin. It was sentimental garbage, but it was all I had.

Clearing the lump out of my throat with a cough, I spoke. Nerves made my voice tremble. “You left this in the room.” I let out a breath. “Shit, Brodie. I fucked up so bad. I don’t know how to fix it. But I want to. I need to. You mean more to me than any other person on this planet.”

I loved him. More than I thought possible. But I didn’t want to say those words in these circumstances. I’d hate for them to sound like an attempt at manipulation, like I was only saying them because I thought they would get me something.

Brodie didn’t reach for the postcard. He stared at it like it was scum, like it was an omen of evil. I tucked it away again out of sight. He still hadn’t said much to me. A minute passed when Brodie looked down at his slice of pizza. He took a few smaller bites, like he was still going to stick to his guns and leave when he was done, but maybe he wasn’t in a hurry anymore.

“I feel like I don’t know you,” he said without looking at me.

“We could get to know each other.” Nervous sweat made the back of my shirt stick to me. “I don’t want to go back to how things were before I met you.”

“I don’t even know what that means, Liam.”

Say my name again.

“My old life is a shell I was ready to move away from. I took a leave of absence to go on vacation, partly at Carol’s insistence. She’s older than I am and she runs the family company. I’m a figurehead whose assistant was more qualified for my position than I was. But nepotism opens doors and I used to care about what people thought. I find that I care less now what people think of me. I do, however, care deeply what you think of me.”

“Liam, I don’t know.” Brodie bit his lip and looked away. He only had the crust left and he broke a piece off.

“I hurt you. I know that. I kept things from you and when faced with an opportunity to explain to you, I let Marsha and her overwhelming grief guilt me into treating you like shit.”

“If I haven’t said it already, I’m sorry about your wife.” Brodie managed to be gracious and kind even when he had every reason not to be.

“Thank you.”

“You miss her.” On the surface, it wasn’t a question, but the subtext was there.

“I do. But not the way I used to. I will always miss her, but the loss of her no longer keeps me in bed. I’m functioning again. Ready to live and breathe and move on. I’ve been ready for a while I think. But meeting you was a turning point for me.”

Brodie scoffed. “Yeah, I’m a ray of sunshine in a rainstorm or whatever.”

“Don’t you remember the day we met? You stormed into the lobby soaking wet, laughing from being caught in that downpour. You practically drenched me. I looked at you and all I saw was sunshine.”

He pushed himself to his feet. “I’m going inside now. Like I said I would, but I want to say one thing before I go.”

I looked up at him and watched as he held out his hand. His fingers were closed and he held his fist out to me. I held my hand out palm up and Brodie dropped a small handful of olives into my palm. I’d been so focused on what he was saying that I hadn’t noticed him pick them off.

“Next time, don’t get olives. It ruins the flavor.”

Brodie turned and went into the house. The sound of the deadbolt slamming into place was jarring but it didn’t matter suddenly that Brodie was inside and I was out here. I had a handful of olives and the hope of a next time.

I dropped the olives into the pizza box and closed it. My knees protested the sudden change in elevation, but I wanted to show Brodie that I was a man of my word. My ass was numb and I must have looked awkward as hell as I made my way to my car.

The driver’s seat was infinitely more comfortable than the front step of Brodie’s house. His brother’s house. Whatever. Didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Brodie had listened. He’d heard what I had to say and he hadn’t told me to fuck off. That felt like a win.

But the line he’d given me before he disappeared into the house lifted my spirits.

Back at the hotel, I parked my ass on the bed and stretched out. I ate my pizza and sent Brodie a text message, giving him the name of the hotel I was going to be staying at. I thought my room number might be too forward or presumptuous so I left that off. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t going anywhere.

He didn’t answer. Not that I expected him to, but at least he read the text. Modern technology was a blessing sometimes.

I’d gotten through to him today. Even a little chink in his armor was progress. I wasn’t delusional enough to think that it would be easy going. I’d hurt him more than I ever wanted to. I hadn’t meant to at all, but Marsha had that effect on me. I missed the way she was when Piper was alive. Her marriage wasn’t my business, but I think John missed her too.

Marsha had a habit of making her grief my business. When we’d first lost Piper, I’d tried to be there for John and Marsha as much as possible. But it quickly became clear that the more I gave, the more Marsha took. Stepping back was hard initially. They’d been family to me, but being around them was like trying to save a drowning person. The more they flailed, the more they dragged me under with them. I had to let go if I was going to make it.

Being around Brodie had made me believe that I had a future still. If he ended up not wanting to be in it, that would be excruciating, but I’d survive it. Brodie had breathed air into my lungs again and resuscitated me.

Come hell or high water, I was going to win him back.