Page 3

Chapter 3

Brodie

Home hadn’t changed; it was me that was different. I took an Uber past Mom’s house and I thought of getting out and going up to the front door and knocking… and the chaos that the next few hours would be. I loved my mom, but I didn’t have the energy to pretend that I wasn’t still gutted.

I needed sleep. I’d traveled through so many time zones I wasn’t even sure what year it was anymore. Airports made shitty places to try and sleep. The benches weren’t designed for comfort, that was for sure. The floor was almost better. When I could, I upgraded to first class, but even that didn’t help. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Liam. Memories replayed in my head torturing me with what I’d lost.

If I’d ever even had it. Clearly Liam hadn’t been half as invested in me as I was in him. Maybe if I’d told him before he got the mysterious phone call, he might have believed that I loved him and that I wasn’t trying to manipulate him. That memory was the worst. The way I’d poured my guts out to him and he’d apologized to me. Humiliation stung, but it was almost better than the bereft feeling that had choked me when I left that room and he hadn’t followed.

When I started travelling, I gave up my apartment and my car. I put my things in storage and took with me only the essentials, so I had nowhere currently to call my own. The Uber stopped outside of Kieran’s and I climbed out, dragging my suitcase and my busted-up heart to his front door. The lights were off and his car wasn’t here, but lucky for me I had a key.

Kieran had insisted on giving me one before I left and I was glad for it now. I let myself in and parked my suitcase by the couch. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying. Mom would probably want me to spend time with her, and I didn’t hate the sound of that. But when I was more rested and able to hold my shit together. Not now when I was so worn out that a strong wind could knock me over. When my whole body felt fragile like rice paper.

I made a quick trip to the bathroom to empty my bladder and wash my face. I wouldn’t miss smelling like airplanes and airports. I would miss smelling like Liam. Fuck.

I flicked the bathroom light off and went to the living room. I was too exhausted to deal with my shit and needed about six weeks of sleep. Could I hibernate until it didn’t hurt anymore? I could certainly try.

Kieran’s couch was ridiculously comfortable. I stretched out and covered up using the blanket he kept draped over the back. He always kept a blanket in the living room. It was good for movies and make-out sessions, and for wayward siblings with broken hearts and probably the worst jet lag known to man.

Sleep hit me like a sledgehammer. There was no way of knowing how long I’d been out when suddenly I was being shaken. Kieran’s voice, deep and familiar, and kind of pissed, filtered into my brain and woke me.

“Who the fuck?” Kieran asked. I pulled the blanket off my face and squinted at the light. “Brodie?” Kieran looked shocked and not unhappy to see me now that he knew it was me who’d broken into his house and crashed on his couch.

“Is that any way to greet your little brother?” I tossed the blanket off and sat up. About three point two seconds passed before Kieran yanked me up to my feet and crushed me in a bear hug.

“Holy shit. Does Mom know you’re here? Don’t answer that. It was a stupid question. Does anyone know you’re here?”

“I came straight from the airport. Several airports.” I caught sight of Kieran’s boyfriend, Clay. Kieran frequently called to check on me and ask how my travels were going. Usually at least once a conversation he’d ask me when I was coming home. Then he started seeing Clay and his question changed to when was I going to come home and meet his boyfriend.

“You must be Clay.” I pried myself out of Kieran’s arms and offered a hand. “I’ve heard all about you.” I gave him what I hoped was my best welcome-to-the-family smile.

“Whatever you heard, he lies.”

“Oh, so you’re not the best thing that’s ever happened to him? Shame.”

Clay’s face turned bright red and he glanced at Kieran, who shot me a look of exasperation. I’d only been home for five minutes—that had to be a new record.

“The guest room is yours if you want it,” Kieran told me. “Before Mom kidnaps you and drowns you in cookies.”

“There are worse fates.”

Unexpectedly, Kieran grabbed me again and gave me another hug. I stood there awkwardly for a long few seconds before I let out a sigh and hugged him back.

“I’ll order food for everyone.” Clay said. “Any preference, Brodie?”

“Hot and not served at thirty thousand feet.”

“Order from Rosa’s. Get a number two, four, eight, extra garlic bites, and anything you think looks good. The menu is in the drawer at the end there.” Kieran held tight to me while he gave Clay directions.

Eventually, after one more tight squeeze, Kieran let go of me.

“What was that for?” I asked him. My body felt heavy and not entirely steady so I let myself drop back down to the couch. Sleep was still something I needed more of, but the nap had taken the edge off and now that I knew food was coming, my stomach growled, practically eating itself in anticipation.

“You looked like you needed it.” Kieran sat in the recliner and when Clay approached, a little nervous, Kieran pulled him down into his lap. Arrows shot me in the heart. It was hard to see them so in love when I’d flown halfway around the world to try and escape my own heartbreak.

“How long are you in town for?” Kieran asked. It was a reasonable question. I hadn’t spent a lot of time here. Usually I flew in for a week or so, let everyone dote on me, and then I took off again on my next adventure. But I was tired and sad and sick of airports.

“I don’t know yet, but for a while, I think.” I leaned back and shut my eyes for a second. At least I thought it had only been a second, but the sound of the front door shutting and the sudden smell of food had me opening my eyes.

“Holy shit.” I dragged my hand down my face and looked at the spread of food that Kieran unpacked on the coffee table.

“I’m giving you tonight and all day tomorrow to hide here, but the day after tomorrow you’re going to see Mom. And Shane before he kicks both our asses.”

“How generous of you.” I leaned forward and flipped open the first container. A gloriously cheesy sight greeted me. “Oh fuck, the five cheese mac. I missed this.” I grabbed a fork and dug in. I scooted over to make room for Kieran, who let Clay take the recliner. I’d have offered to take the solo seat if it didn’t feel so nice to have my brother sitting next to me.

“Catch me up. What’s been going on?”

Kieran slid the box of garlic bread over and I grabbed a piece.

“Nothing new since our last email a few days ago.”

My chewing slowed as I remembered the last email I sent him. I’d been so happy, determined that I might never come home. Shane kept shoveling money at me to keep me out in the world and I’d had Liam. There wasn’t a reason to come home.

I wasn’t happy about the situation that brought me here, but there was something bittersweet about coming home. I’d missed my family, even if they were pains in my ass.

“You’re really not going to tell them that I’m home until the day after tomorrow?”

Kieran leaned over and bumped my shoulder with his. “You’ll be grumpy and sleepy. I figure the least I can do is give you a day to figure out which way is up.”

“I’ll get the spare room freshened up for you.” Clay stood and offered me a smile.

“Oh, that’s not necessary. I know where everything is. I can do it. Don’t go to any trouble for me.”

“It’s no trouble.”

“Really—”

“Brodie, he’s trying to give us five minutes alone so I can interrogate you before I make you shower and go to bed,” Kieran cut me off.

Letting out a sigh, I dunked my garlic bread in my mac and cheese. “Fine, interrogate away.” I looked up at my brother’s boyfriend. “Thank you, Clay. That’s very thoughtful of you.”

He looked kind of unsure of himself as he slinked out of the room, or maybe it was me he was unsure of.

“Is he okay? I didn’t ruin any of your plans, did I?”

“He’s fine.” Kieran leaned in and lowered his voice to a whisper. “He really wants you to like him.”

“You said such nice things about him, eventually. I feel like I already know him. It’ll be easy to like him. Will he like me? I sort of crashed into his life unannounced.”

“Don’t worry about that. I think the two of you will get along just fine. Now,” Kieran took a breath and shifted his position so that he was turned more toward me. “Tell me what happened. Not even a week ago you were having the time of your life. You sounded happy.”

“I was and then I wasn’t, and I just wanted to come home.” Home to people who wouldn’t leave. To people who had to stick around because this was home for them. People who wanted me around. I kept in near constant contact with Mom and Kieran, and more sporadically Shane. Shane never quite got the hang of making the transition from big brother to a friend I happened to be related to and his need to have an opinion on everything made it hard for the two of us to connect.

Kieran was quiet for a minute. From the corner of my eye, I watched him push his dinner around with his fork, giving the impression that he was eating. “I’m sorry you were hurt.”

“Ugh. Am I that transparent?” I both loved and hated that Kieran knew me so well. There was a certain comfort in knowing there was a person who could look at me and understand that I was hurting. Even if he didn’t know specifically why, he knew what to say and do to make me feel better in the moment.

“I know what a heartbroken Brodie looks like, remember?”

“Ew, don’t remind me.” I bumped Kieran’s knee with mine and gave him the best smile I could muster. “I’ll be okay. I think I’m going to stick around home for a while this time. I think I’d like an actual routine again.”

Honestly, I had no idea what I was going to do. Even when I was with Liam, it had all been this daydream perfect bubble of overinflated happiness that we’d lived in. It wasn’t real life and the fear that nothing we shared had been real cut me to my core.

Suddenly without an appetite, I put my container down on the coffee table. “I’m going to shower the airport off me and then sleep until the day after tomorrow, if that’s okay.”

“I’m glad you’re home, Brodie. Even if the reason sucks, it’s good to see you.”

“You too.”

I towed my suitcase to the bedroom and dug out a pair of sleep pants. In the bathroom, I stood staring in the mirror for a few minutes before I snapped out of my stupor and started the water. My brain wouldn’t shut up about Liam.

The next few days were going to be filled with a series of depressing firsts and I hated them more because I hadn’t known things were ending. But that was the way of it. One day you had something and the next day you didn’t, and there wasn’t a thing you could do about it besides go to bed and wake up, and do that again and again until you got used to not having that thing anymore.

This was my first shower without Liam and when I got into bed, it would be the first time I’d slept in a bed without him since the day we met. At least I had exhaustion and jet lag on my side to drag me under into a dreamless sleep.