Page 10

Chapter 10

Liam

It was a small victory for sure, but not only did it give me hope, but it felt like step one in the win-Brodie-back mission was accomplished and I could move on to phase two. As soon as I figured out what that was.

My social circle was woefully small now. I’d let most of my friendships suffer when Piper had gotten sick. Of course she’d been my priority. But even after she was gone, I hadn’t let people near me. Their comfort was sandpaper on my skin and I couldn’t stand it. Their sympathy choked me.

One thing I could always count on from my old friend, Oren, was that he was the least sympathetic person on the planet. He’d never treated me any different, no matter the stage of Piper’s illness.

That didn’t mean I didn’t avoid him sometimes. In fact, I hadn’t called him in a while, but that wasn’t unusual for us. We didn’t have the kind of friendship that needed constant nurturing. We were solid like bedrock.

He answered on the third ring, sounding vaguely amused to hear from me.

“Well, well, well. Liam Lawson. I thought I’d be hearing from you soon.”

Oren was also my lawyer. Something I hadn’t needed until Piper passed. With the way John and Marsha were acting, I wasn’t willing to deal with them anymore.

“This isn’t a business call.”

“I’m still billing you for it.” Oren could be hard for other people to read, but I knew he was joking because I’d heard him threaten it only a million times before.

“That’s fine, but I want your relationship guru rates, not the lawyer ones.”

Oren sucked in a breath. “That’s going to cost you extra, Lawson. Relationships are messy. I prefer law. There are clear rules and guidelines.”

“And a thousand loopholes for you to exploit.”

“Exactly. So tell me about the unfortunate woman who has landed herself in your sights. How did you two kids meet? More importantly, how bad did you fuck up?”

Whereas the thought of telling Carol that I’d fallen for a man, because I was bisexual and always had been, gave me hives. Telling Oren was as easy as telling him the sky was blue.

“The lucky lady is a man, Oren. And I fucked up pretty bad. I think he understands now that I explained and apologized, but I need to win him back.”

Oren didn’t miss a beat. He didn’t obsess about my sexuality. “What did you do? In order to establish a plan, I have to know the crime you committed.”

I flopped down on the bed in my hotel room. After putting Oren on speaker phone, I told the whole tale of how we met and how I’d fucked up. Oren might act like he knew shit about relationships, but he’d been with the same man since he was in law school. It was also why I was comfortable coming out to him the way I had. I could have done it years ago, but being with Piper made me feel like there was no point in talking about my sexuality. I was in a relationship that made me look straight, regardless of who I really was.

I wanted to say that I didn’t care how people perceived me, but the lie would never hold up under scrutiny. Clearly I did care, or I’d have called Carol for advice.

“He ate with me and he heard me out, and he said next time don’t get olives on the pizza. That’s good, right? That means he wants there to be a next time.”

“That does sound promising. So what’s your next step?”

I let out a tired laugh. “I was hoping you could tell me. I’ve never had to grovel like this before.”

“And you think the groveling will be different somehow because you’re trying to win back a man?”

Oren didn’t need me to answer that. I doubted he wanted me to admit that I’d never consciously thought that way, but it didn’t make it untrue.

“I think you’re off to a good start. Show him that you’re not going anywhere. Find out what’s important to him and show him that it’s important to you too. Remember that your actions are going to mean more than anything you can say to him. That’s how you’ll win him back. And next time you have to leave, take him with you. At least make the offer. Beg him if you have to. He might say no, but at least he’ll know you want him with you.”

“Okay, I understand what you’re saying.” I wiped my hand over my face. Exhaustion pulled at me, threatening to take me under. I hadn’t slept well since leaving Brodie, and sitting and doing nothing all day on his brother’s front step had been surprisingly taxing. “But how do I do all that?”

“That’s up to you to figure out. Anything you do will mean more if you do it with him in mind. You could search for a hundred ways to say you’re sorry, but the actions that mean the most will be the ones you take with him in mind.”

“Glad I’m not paying you for this, Oren. Honestly, you’re kind of shit at this.”

“That’s why I’m a lawyer and not a love doctor.”

“How’s the husband?” A change of subject was necessary to my sanity. I needed to think of something or someone other than Brodie for five minutes.

“Darling, as always.”

“Still doing the firefighter thing?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. Don’t get me wrong, the whole firefighter thing really does it for me, but I get hives whenever I hear a siren. And when he’s on a call I eat antacids like the fire is in my stomach. But he loves his job, so what can I do?”

“I’ve always envied people like him.”

“Firefighters?” Oren asked, sounding confused.

“No, people who like what they do for a living.”

“Well, if you’re starting a new life in a new town, why can’t you find something you love to do? This Brodie guy can’t be the only thing you exist for. Take this time and this opportunity you’ve created for yourself and find what you love to do. You have the luxury of time and money on your side, Liam. Why not use it?”

“That’s actually helpful, Oren. You might just earn your paycheck yet.”

“As if you ever pay me.”

“I pay you when it counts. Speaking of which, have you to contacted the lab? I want any and all viable eggs destroyed.” Saying the words made it real and for a moment I paused, taking one shaky breath after another as I felt out my own reaction to this. Was I sure? Maybe at one time I’d wanted that life, but I felt like a lifetime had passed between then and now. The Liam I was before wasn’t the same one that existed now.

“I’ve been your lawyer for a long time and your friend for longer. I want to ask you if you’re positive you want those eggs destroyed.”

“It was what Piper and I wanted. I hadn’t done it before now because, well, I think I forgot about them. Or maybe I wanted to forget about them. Maybe I was holding on to her in some way. I was overwhelmed for a long time and some things got pushed out of my mind. But the idea of Marsha using them to try and replace Piper somehow … I’m not willing to let them do that. I don’t think John is sold on the idea, but he lost his daughter and might feel that he’s losing his wife. I think he’ll go along with anything he thinks will make Marsha happy.”

“I’ll get in touch with the lab right away. It’ll probably be a couple days before the process goes through, so there’s a small window if you change your mind. It’s not over until it’s over.”

I took a long, deep breath and then let it out. “I won’t change my mind. It’s over.”

Acknowledging it out loud sent a tremor through me, like the last vestiges of grief sloughing off my bones. Tears pooled in my eyes, not because I was sad, but because I wasn’t. I was at peace with the loss of Piper in a way I hadn’t been before. Some of it was due to Brodie and the way he’d shifted my entire cosmos. And part of it was just time and tears and a promise I’d made to live my best life.

“You okay, Lawson?” Oren asked, his voice low, like he wanted to be gentle with his words and his intentions.

If he’d asked me that a few months ago, I’d have answered by rote. I’m okay. I’m fine. I’m doing well, thanks for asking. I’d have meant it on a surface level. Now the answer was more genuine. I was okay. I was fine. I really was doing well. Except for the whole missing Brodie thing, but I was working on that.

“I’m better than I’ve been in a long time,” I told him.

“Think about what I said. Find something for you. This guy can’t be the only thing you center remaking your life on. Figure out where you want to be and what you want to do, and what will make you happy. And I think doing that, along with some groveling, should win you your boy back.”

“You’re a good friend, Oren.”

“Shhh. Don’t say that. They might be listening and I don’t want the secret to get out. I’m a shark, Liam. An evil, awful, scum-sucking lawyer. I’m a big bad wolf.”

“You’re a golden retriever.”

“No, that’s my husband. I’m at the very least a mastiff. Big and intimidating, will eat your face off if you cross him, but mostly just wants to lay around on the couch.”

“Nah, you’re a husky. Too much energy and too many opinions about everything. You can’t be bored or you invent your own mental stimulation and that’s not always to the benefit of others.”

“Listen, Lawson, I don’t have to take this slander.” Oren laughed when he chastised me, but he didn’t argue with my assessment.

“It’s not slander if it’s true.”

“Why do I like you again?”

Hearing the humor in Oren’s voice hollowed my chest out with a spoon. It had been entirely too long since I’d made a point to connect with my friends.

I cleared my throat around a sudden swell of emotion. “I’ve always believed it was because you thought I was cute.”

Oren barked out a laugh. “Oh, honey, you’re barking up the wrong tree. But speaking of trees, were you ever going to tell me that you were bisexual?”

“It didn’t seem important before now. I was with Piper and she was it for me. She knew, but she’s the only one I ever told. Carol doesn’t know.”

“Well, thank you for telling me. Are there any other secrets you’ve been keeping from me?”

“Nope. Brodie was the only one.”

“Okay, good. Keep it that way. I don’t like not knowing things. It makes my ass itch.”

“You should see a doctor about that. It might be contagious.”

“Glad to see your sense of humor has returned. Now if you don’t mind, I have to run. I have a couple of calls to make and it’s my turn to pick up dinner on the way home. But don’t forget what I said.”

“What did you say?” I teased.

“I take it back. I am no longer pleased that you found your sense of humor. You should’ve found a better one instead. Seriously, Liam, I’m happy for you. I hope you and your guy can work it out, but if not, you need to have something to build a life on.”

“When I’m more settled and when things with Brodie are either happening or dead in the water, I’m coming for a visit.”

“Damn right you are. If you and Brodie patch things up, maybe the four of us can go on one of those gloriously indecent gay cruises. I know Will would shit kittens if I booked one. He says he doesn’t want to go, but in that way that makes me know he really does. It’s the same face he gives me when I ask if he wants a bowl of chocolate ice cream and he says he shouldn’t, and I bring him one anyway because I know he really means that he wants one but doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to have one.” Oren’s sudden laugh gave me a jump scare. “Okay, I talk too much. It’s official.”

“You just love your husband and I think that’s sweet. Now get off the phone with me and get your shit done so you can get him dinner. And chocolate ice cream. And, Oren?”

“Yeah?”

“You better not bill me for this conversation.” It was my way of saying thank you, I love and appreciate you.

“Watch me.” Oren ended the call with his way of saying I know you do, who wouldn’t appreciate me. I’m awesome.

Where would I be without friends like Oren? I asked myself that as I drifted off to sleep.