Page 1

Chapter 1

Brodie

Even after the sun set, the scent of white-hot sand lingered. Liam and I had spent the afternoon as true tourists, going through the markets, looking at all the stalls and the things people had for sale.

Liam teased me for buying nothing but a postcard. But back in our hotel room, he’d nibbled at my ear while I sat at the desk and scribbled out a message to myself.

Dear Brodie,

Today was one of the greatest days of your life

xoxo

Somewhere, back home, there was a stack of postcards. One for every day that I’d been gone. I tried to get them from the place I was sending them from, and I was usually successful, but whenever I got to a new country, I bought a bunch of generic ones from the airport.

“That’s a bit cryptic, isn’t it?” Liam asked, kissing his way down my neck.

“I’ll know what I meant.” I closed my eyes. I’d know that I meant today was the day I realized how much I loved Liam. I’d know that I meant today I looked at a man and saw my future. I couldn’t picture where we’d end up, or what that future would look like, but he was there.

Liam cupped my cheek and turned my head so he could kiss me. Our noses bumped against each other and Liam smiled at me. His lips brushed over mine gently. He kept his eyes open and I thought—not for the first time—how stormy his green-gray eyes looked.

All day I’d tried to tell him that I loved him, but I could never get the words out. It had hit me that morning when I woke before him. I’d come inside from watching the sunrise, something I tried to do as often as I could, and he was still sleeping. Bathed in the glow of the barely risen sun, he looked peaceful in a way that he never quite managed when he was awake.

Liam was only a few years older than me, but we couldn’t have been raised any differently. He was born into wealth and privilege, though he wasn’t arrogant about it. And me, well, I’d grown up broke, surrounded by people who worked their asses off to try and get by. Until Shane won the lottery, we’d been drowning.

I still felt that way sometimes, but it had nothing to do with money.

And then it hit me that I hadn’t felt that way since I met Liam. I’d wanted to wake him and tell him that I loved him. To tell him all the sappy, lovesick thoughts that turned my brain into syrup around him.

But his eyes had begun fluttering and he reached for me in the bed, one arm groping blindly, his face scrunching when he found nothing but emptiness. His eyelids opened then, and he saw me standing there. His face lit up when he smiled and I loved him even more for that.

I’d tried all day to find the perfect moment to tell him what I discovered that morning, but no moment was perfect enough. Or private enough. I wasn’t about to declare my love for the first time in the middle of a market while Liam haggled over prices. Lunch might have been a good opportunity, but I’d been shy, struck silent by the weight of my own feelings, by how heavy the words felt in broad daylight.

The sun was down now and we were alone.

“Liam,” I whispered against his lips. “Liam, I—”

His phone, which almost never made a sound, rang.

“I have to get that.” Liam pulled away and dug his phone out of his pocket. He stepped back and brought the phone to his ear.

“Yes?” He said instead of hello. He never answered the phone with a hello. It was always yes. Always what do you want from me? What can I do for you this time? What do you need from me? All those questions and more wrapped in a single three-letter word. Yes.

I wasn’t sure what Liam’s life was like back home, but he never looked particularly happy to hear from anyone there.

Liam huffed out a sigh and looked at his watch. “Now? Are there even any flights—no, of course. Yeah. No, I didn’t forget.” Liam ended the call and tossed his phone down on the desk with a clatter. He rubbed his hands down his face and looked at me, abruptly distant like he’d already left.

“I’m needed at home,” he said.

Home, which I knew was Boston. I’d never been to Boston before, but I could see myself there as a tourist. There were probably all kinds of historical sites to see.

“I’ll go with you.” I was about to stand when I caught the barely perceptible shake of Liam’s head.

It was the loudest refusal I’d ever heard. A fucking earthquake. The ground fractured beneath me and threatened to swallow me whole.

“That won’t be necessary.”

I watched the man I loved transform from Liam, the carefree, starry-eyed stranger I’d fallen in love with, into William Everett Lawson, son of Robert Lawson of Lawson Pharmaceuticals. William Lawson was colder than my Liam.

“Of course it’s not necessary, but I’d still like to go with you.”

“That isn’t possible, I’m afraid.”

My heart slammed against my ribs, against the walls of my throat. It wanted me to tell him everything as if it would make a difference.

“Liam—why don’t you want me to come?”

His eyes flashed with an emotion I couldn’t name. Anger? Pain? Something lurked in the depths and I wanted more than anything to draw it out of him. Liam set his jaw and turned his back on me. Grabbing his suitcase, he flung it on the bed. It was still half-packed like mine was.

We’d met a month ago and had spent every day since then together. We’d been to four different countries. We’d watched sunrises and sunsets and shared laughter and drinks and each other.

“When are you coming back?”

Liam shook his head. “I’m not. I’m needed at home.”

“I—”

Liam turned on me before I could get another word out. “You knew this was temporary, Brodie.” His eyes were as cold as his voice. Liam was shutting down right in front of me. Not shutting down. Shutting me out.

“Don’t.” I shook my head. I used to love it when he said my name, but now it sounded like a weapon. Desperation clawed at me, tearing my insides apart. My body moved toward his of its own volition. The words tumbled out of my mouth without my permission. It was like an out-of-body experience. I watched myself with embarrassment and horror as I did the thing I swore I’d never do.

I begged.

“Liam, please. Let me go with you.”

“Brodie.”

“I won’t get in your way. I’ll do the tourist thing in Boston. Just—whatever’s going on, let me face it with you.” The words came out before I could stop them. I wanted to snatch them back even before Liam registered them. “I love you.”

No. Not like this. I hadn’t wanted to tell him like this.

He stared at me. A few minutes ago, I remembered how this morning he’d looked like sunshine. Like a future I wanted. Now Liam’s eyes were cold. His face hard and his jaw clenched. He took a breath and straightened to his full height, putting on all the airs of the rich and powerful man he’d been groomed to be.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t elaborate for what. Was he sorry I loved him? That I was stupid enough to believe that we had something great?

“We can meet up when you’re done,” I proposed.

My brain had heard his words, but my heart refused to believe them. It wasn’t until he gently shook his head that I broke.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Liam’s words were careful, but still cruel.

He wouldn’t say why we shouldn’t meet again. He turned away and went back to packing. I watched him for a minute, wondering how this tall brick of ice was the same man I’d fallen in love with. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe I didn’t know him at all. I wanted to believe I knew the things about him that mattered, but maybe none of it did. Because I didn’t matter, that much was clear.

My phone was on the desk behind me and I turned to get it. The postcard stared at me, mocking me. I’d never send that one. There’d be a gap in the journey where today’s missive should’ve been. It would stick out like a missing tooth, but anything was better than having to read those stupid, hopeful words.

The postcard was in my hands before I knew what I was doing. I tore it down the center and tossed it in the trash.

“I’ll be back for my things later. The room is yours.” I grabbed my phone and my wallet off the desk and pushed past Liam, who didn’t even look at me as I left. Why would he?

In my head, he chased me down the street. Followed me to the water’s edge. Dropped to his knees and sank his face into my skin, pressed his mouth against my hipbone and begged my forgiveness the way I’d begged him. He’d have had it too. But he never came. No one called my name. No one looked for me. No one found me there.

Night fell, dark and moonless. I contemplated sleeping on the beach, in the sand, against the waves, because I was dramatic. And heartbroken. Almost numb. But only almost. Because if I were really numb, I’d have let the ocean take me. But I still had people waiting for me back home. They were the only thing that made me get to my feet and brush the sand off my ass.

Home. Shane had made some noise about wanting me to come for a visit. And Kieran had been on my ass for months to come home. He was even more insistent now that he’d fallen in love. Shane had too. And I had yet to meet either of their men. Home was the last place I wanted to be until I walked into my hotel room and found Liam gone.

I knew he wouldn’t be there, but I hadn’t known what called him back to Boston. I guess I didn’t matter enough to him to be told the reason he was abandoning me. Cutting me off without a backward glance. Telling me he was sorry that I loved him. I was sorry too.

Sorrier than I’d ever been.

I packed my things like he’d done and checked out of the hotel. The woman at the front desk looked sad when I went to give her my credit card.

“It’s been taken care of, Mister Taggart.”

“Can you just… please?” I put my card on the desk and slid it across to her. “Please put it on my card.”

She met my gaze and gave me a little shake of her head. She explained that it wasn’t possible. That was fine. I vowed then that I’d take nothing more from him. Not his time or his energy. Not his money. No one was sorrier than I was that I loved him.

I went straight to the airport from the hotel. There were still things that I’d wanted to see and do, but they’d lost their appeal. I found myself empty, all my previous enthusiasm gone like Liam had taken it with him. Maybe I’d feel better when it wasn’t so fresh. Maybe I’d feel worse.

I sat in the airport for hours. I didn’t eat, but I made myself drink water and I watched the planes take off. I imagined each of them to be the one that Liam got on. Every takeoff was another goodbye, but I couldn’t stop watching them until finally it was my turn and I was the one taking off. The one leaving. I wondered if he’d watched the city disappear and said his own goodbye to me.

I pulled the shade down over the window and leaned back, wishing I was already home.