Page 6 of Hainn (Sectors New Allies #19)

CHAPTER SIX

“ A re you busy or can we talk for a minute or two?” Hainn stood in the doorway of Timtur’s private office in the admin building and tried to figure out if he hoped the senior healer would be available or if he’d rather walk away and forget the whole thing.

Timtur greeted him with a smile and indicated the empty chair at the side of the desk. “Never too busy to talk to a fellow healer. Want some tea?”

“No, thanks, I’m good. But you should have a cup if you want it.” Hainn sat and watched as his colleague poured himself a mug of the strong Badari tea from a thermal container and settled in his chair.

“I needed a break,” Timtur said. ”Aydarr wants a report at the next senior staff meeting on casualties and recovery times. Hard to remember a time when life was simpler and not full of meetings.”

Hainn’s attention was captured by a painting on the wall behind Timtur and he leaned closer. “Is that the Great Mother’s grove?”

“Yes, Rosemari, Jamokan’s mate told me she woke one morning with the scene complete in her mind’s eye and she felt compelled to paint it. She was apologetic about not having the right canvas or the right paints--”

“It’s beautiful,” Hainn said. The perspective was as if the viewer was inside the circle of old growth trees, facing the large boulder which sat in the center. Hainn had been told the stone was known as the goddess’s chair because when she chose to appear in the place of worship she was usually seated there. She wasn’t in the painting although there were subtle sparks in the air as if she might have just left. The sky was the perfect cobalt blue of Ushandirr, with fluffy white clouds and a hint of the silver crescent moon rising. “So peaceful. A man could find relief from his cares simply gazing at it for a few minutes.”

“Yes, she’s an exceptional artist. Of course she’s never seen the grove since it’s at the original lab where we were created but having been there many times myself, I can testify Rosemari captured the place perfectly and so I told her. The goddess must have sent her a vision.” Timtur swung around in his chair to study the painting briefly. “Yonn made the frame. He’s gotten exceptionally skilled at woodworking.”

Hainn wondered if Rosemari would paint a similar scene of the beach in the South Seas where his pack had worshipped and what he could do for her in return. There was no monetary system in the valley but bartering was alive and well. Food, shelter, clothing and the like were earned by working the assigned jobs or by serving in the combined armed forces. The human council ran a tracking system under Badari supervision to keep things equitable.

“But I’m sure you didn’t stop by to admire my new painting,” Timtur said with a laugh.

“I find myself in a situation, or where there could be a situation.” Hainn was annoyed with himself for not articulating his concern clearly but he was unaccountably embarrassed. In a rush he asked, “Can a healer and a patient—a former patient— would it be outside the bounds of our ethics if they then have a relationship?”

The senior healer took a long sip of his tea and set the mug on the desk with care. “Jezari?”

Hainn saw no point in a futile denial. “Yes.”

“Is she your fated mate?”

“No. I don’t think so. But I like her, she’s good company and I find her attractive. I’d like to get to know her better, the feeling seems mutual but she’s being standoffish.”

“Because of the time she was infatuated with me?” Timtur’s voice was matter of fact.

“She doesn’t trust herself with me except when she’s in an emotional whirlwind and I’d like to assure her there’s nothing wrong with the two of us becoming friends. The two of us have nothing to do with the episode when she was so ill and—and attached to the idea of you. But then she’s so adamant I began to question whether she was right and I was wrong.” He fixed his gaze on the painting and admitted, “No other woman interests me any longer.”

“And you’re sure she’s not meant to be your mate?”

Hainn had to force his talons into their sheaths and he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I wish we were more like you warriors of the northern packs. You meet a certain woman and bam, instant surety of the mate bond, even if the woman herself doesn’t sense the possibility for herself at first. We—most of my brothers, not all—don’t have that luxury. We have to come to the realization more slowly. We have to work for it. She’s on my mind constantly, I find her scent intoxicating…but mate bond?” He tapped his chest over his heart. “There’s nothing there.”

“I fought against mating with Lily,” Timtur said, surprising Hainn. “At the time we were all totally new to this concept of mates. Only Aydarr and Jill, and Mateer and Megan were mated. I knew I loved Lily and wanted only her, but I questioned how I could carry out my duties to the pack and to the Great Mother if I was also a claimed mate. I was a fool, which the Great Mother basically told me. I had to nearly lose Lily to the Khagrish before I accepted the truth in my heart and literally fought a battle to the death for her. I also had a long talk with Aydarr about how he balanced being the Alpha and being a claimed mate.” He shook his head. “You may think it’s hard to sit here and talk to me about this issue. Imagine discussing these matters with Aydarr. He and I have a special bond of friendship going way back to our days as a cub when he and Mateer saved my life. The Khagrish wanted to cull me for being a physical weakling. But opening my heart to him and him doing the same in return to talk about what he and Jill share was a greater gift then even my life.”

“You’re not weak,” Hainn protested. “I’ve seen you in battle.”

“Now. But when I was a cub I had a few disadvantages which eventually I grew out of. Aydarr and Mateer incurred extra punishments to give me the chance. But we’re straying from your dilemma. If a woman is your fated mate, then it doesn’t matter who you are, you need to do your best to win her. But the decision is ultimately always hers. That’s the Great Mother’s decree.”

“I’m going to have to push Jezari to give me a chance for us to find out if we’re meant to be and I’m not even sure myself,” Hainn said.

“Another point to consider is all of us are claimed mates with human women. Jezari is Badari and equivalent to a Generation One at that. You’re a Gen Eight. It may be the factors which activate the potential mate bond aren’t present in such a generational mismatch. Or perhaps Badari to Badari doesn’t activate the link. You could be together as mates but perhaps not experience the claiming.”

The idea didn’t make Hainn happy. He hoped the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel. “I think I’m more confused than I was when I came in here,” he said honestly.

With a chuckle, Timtur said, “I apologize but life’s biggest questions are unfailingly complex. If you’re asking me as Senior Healer of all the packs if I give my approval for you to investigate the possibility you’re found your fated mate in Jezari, a former patient, then yes, you have it with no reservations. If you want my advice as a claimed mate?”

“Please.” Hainn was desperate at this point.

“Perhaps the two of you need to see each other in a fresh light, out of the valley. If you could take her to a place where your shared history of healer and patient have no roots, perhaps the change of location would clear the way for clarity about who else you can be to each other.” Rubbing his jaw, the healer added, “I don’t know where since of course travel is so limited for all of us unless we’re on a combat or reconnaissance mission. Too bad you can’t take her to the South Seas—it was certainly beautiful there, the one time I saw it when we came south to destroy the lab where you were created. But maybe you could arrange to go to Tratus’s settlement up north on rotation, if Daegan would let you go and Jezari could go for a visit. I think it could be arranged, if she wanted to go.”

The basic idea was appealing but Hainn didn’t believe visiting the Tzibir pack’s stronghold would be much different from life in Sanctuary Valley except Jezari would probably end up even more isolated than she was here. He was about to say so when a thought occurred to him, unveiling itself in his mind in perfect detail. “You’ve given me an idea though.”

“Feeling better about the whole situation?” Timtur rapped his knuckles on the desk. “Good, I’m glad. Come talk to me any time. And you know the Great Mother can be approached by any Badari but especially by a healer with a troubled mind. She may not answer but even her silence contains a message, yes?”

“Absolutely.” Hainn left his chair and headed for the door. “Thanks, brother, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone else.”

“Conversations between healers are strictly confidential,” Timtur said.

Hainn reread the notification stating he’d been randomly selected to go on the next expedition to the surfing spot. It had arrived a few days ago and he was keenly anticipating the opportunity to test himself against the giant waves. Since talking with Timtur yesterday he couldn’t stop thinking about Jezari doing all her swimming in the lake here in the valley and he knew she’d love the challenge of surfing the towering 100’ waves at the offshore sea mount. Decision made, he requested a meeting with Daegan, his Alpha, who told him to come over to Admin now as he had a few minutes free.

Daegan was drinking tea, feet up on his desk when Hainn arrived. “What’s so urgent today?”

“I got my chit for the next trip to the sea mount and I want to ask for a favor,” Hainn said. Access to these jaunts was strictly controlled. Badari got to go on a rotating basis, with several additional people picked by the Alphas each time as a special form of recognition. The trips were kept small and infrequent to avoid attracting attention from the Khagrish. “I’d like to take a person with me.”

Chair banging as he sat upright, Daegan frowned. “Humans can’t surf those waves. Even my own mate, who is an excellent surfer wouldn’t attempt them. And I don’t think a human woman will enjoy going all the way out there with a bunch of our soldiers, just to sit and wait for you to come to the shore from a day of surfing.” He got a gleam in his eye, raised one eyebrow and chuckled. “Although I will admit the evenings can be fun.”

“Not a human woman.” Hainn was annoyed at the assumption his Alpha had made. Sure he was known to casually date a number of the women in the valley but he’d never ask to include any of them in a Badari-only activity.

“Who then?”

“Jezari, of Keshara’s pack.”

Deagan blinked hard. “Why in the name of the goddess? All I ever hear about her is what a pain she is, all prickly and rude, although Keshara seems to find her useful as an assistant.” He leaned forward, eyes narrowed and drummed his talons on the desk. “You don’t think the Great Mother means her to be your fated mate, do you? Not sure I want her in my pack.”

Hainn flinched at the unanswerable question. “She’s a friend and nothing more but as a healer, I think she might need the stimulus of surfing the giant waves in a similar manner to the way we require it. She has all this excess energy to burn and nowhere to release it, especially since she doesn’t get assigned to combat missions.”

“Aydarr wouldn’t hear of risking her out there. Or any of the Badari females, not after what happened to Raeblinn when she did go into the field.” Daegan studied him.

Hainn had to fight not to lower his eyes or shift from foot to foot. Lying to his Alpha was a hard thing to achieve. But was he lying? The girl did need something to help her deal with daily life here in the valley and she was getting to be a person he could regard as a friend. But a fated mate? Hainn wasn’t ready to be tied down and neither he nor his inner beast had felt any of the stirrings of affection, must less love. Had they? He was a conflicted mess and the situation frustrated him but he’d made the request and he wasn’t backing off now.

“As a healer, eh?” Daegan asked, amusement plain in his voice. “The Badari women are beautiful although if you repeat that to my mate, I’ll shred you. Have you cleared it with her Alpha?”

“Came to you first, boss.”

“As was proper. All right, I’ll approve the request and run it by both Keshara and Aydarr. This is going to cause ripples, I’m sure but both of them could use a little disruption in their day. Anything else?”

Hainn shook his head. “If the request is approved, may I be the one to tell her?”

“You were the one brave enough to ask, so yeah, you get the honor. I’ll let you know.”

As he left the admin building, Hainn wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing but the idea of showing Jezari the joys of surfing and the beauties of the undersea world around the sea mount was exciting. And the nights, as Daegan had mentioned, offered all kinds of other possibilities. Shoulders back, feeling he’d done a good deed, Hainn headed for the hospital, to check in on his few patients. Badari basically healed themselves unless the injury was severe or overwhelming but he did have one or two warriors to touch base with and another appointment with a man from his own pack who seemed to be going through an evolution into shifting. Not many had been experimented on in this fashion by the Khagrish scientists but of those who were, the transition to being a shifter could be rough. Hainn needed to be there for his brother and of course Timtur was on call to step in.

Hainn admired the senior healer and was grateful for all his help and the diplomatic way the man approached the care of South Seas warriors but it did gall him not to be able to meet all the needs of his pack himself. But the Great Mother had chosen Timtur a long time ago to be the closest healer to her and there was no going against the will of the goddess.

Late in the day his handheld buzzed with a message from Daegan. “Jezari’s trip has been approved over Keshara’s objections. You can issue the invitation any time you like.”

Hainn sent a quick thank you and tried to decide where he might find Jesari at this hour. He didn’t want to show up at the Daughters’ residence cave, which would no doubt cause talk and raise new and unnecessary concerns about her health. She hadn’t regained her telepathic link ability so he couldn’t simply call her mind to mind. Frustrated he left the training center where he’d been monitoring a group of new human recruits and walked aimlessly into the forest. As he went he realized he was heading for the goddess’s stone circle and his pulse quickened. Maybe the Great Mother sent for him. Or perhaps the Badari woman he sought was there.

Going with the flow of his instinct, he broke into a trot and covered the distance in no time. Emerging from the edge of the forest, he paused as the breeze brought him Jezari’s crisp scent. She’s here. Thank the goddess. His inner beast was excited and he exerted self control enough to walk confidently into the circle itself and see Jezari seated on the stone steps, arms around her knees. She didn’t seem distressed or upset, which was a relief.

“I’ve been looking for you,” he said.

Jezari rose to her feet. “I felt compelled to come here earlier but I didn’t know why. I do love the peace and quiet to be found here. Is something wrong?”

“On the contrary things couldn’t be better today.” He joined her and indicated they should both sit. “I’ve got a piece of exciting news for you.”

“I could use a diversion, if it’s good news.” Her smile was a bit wistful.

“The best. Have you heard about the surfing expeditions?”

Blinking, Jezari frowned. “A little. There’s this incredibly dangerous place on the west coast Flo and Daegan found with miles high surf and your people go there for therapy.”

Laughing, he said, “Not miles high but over a hundred feet, yes. Usually in the 150 to 200 foot range. There’s a sea mount off the shore which creates these incredible waves and my Badari pack brothers and I require high intensity, high adrenaline activities to keep our systems in harmony.”

“And combat against the Khagrish isn’t enough for you?” Her lips quirked in a grin as she teased him.

He gave her a serious answer. “No, since we were created for the purpose of waging war. We need an extra pressure of risk taking, if you will. The Khagrish scientists in the South Seas seem to have gone in quite a few different directions when the bastards were creating us versus how it is for the northern packs.”

“And the Director who created us took an entirely different route,” she said bitterly.

He laid his hand over hers and squeezed. “But we’re all Badari at the most basic level.”

“So tell me why I should care about this surfing excursion?”

“Because I’m inviting you to go on the trip in three days,” he said. “I cleared it with my Alpha and he got the okay from Aydarr and Keshara.”

“You what?” Despite her exclamation she didn’t sound upset. He detected a definite note of interest. “Why?”

“I’ve seen you swim so I know you can handle it and as your friend — “ he emphasized the word, “I thought you might be needing an adrenaline high yourself. I assumed you wouldn’t think of asking to go with us on your own so yes, I took the liberty of arranging it for you.” Jezari was silent, thinking hard, so he pulled out his handheld. “Here, there’s a holo of Daegan surfing on the first trip.” Pushing the button he initiated the holo, which played out on the stone floor in front of them. Jezari was riveted to the scene so he played it twice. “What do you think?”

“You really believe I could learn how to do that?” Her question was genuine, not sarcastic in tone.

“I could teach you in a few hours, I’m sure. After all, you’re a Badari. But even if you decided you didn’t care for the surfing there’s exceptional diving to be done in the vicinity of the sea mount. Beautiful coral and a huge diversity of sea life. The ocean is magnitudes of splendor above this puny lake we have.”

Hainn took note of the fact she flinched when he mentioned the diving, which was surprising but he continued with his sales pitch for her to come. “We stay three days, sleeping in caves. We have cookouts in the evenings and it’s a lot of fun.”

“Do you normally take women?”

He shook his head. “Never. This is strictly a Badari activity. You’re a woman and a Badari Daughter, which is an entirely different thing from the human females.” Guessing at her concern, he added, “It’ll be simple to fix a separate sleeping spot for you and you know all the guys will be respectful”

“And I’d be your guest.” She studied his face, her forehead wrinkled in a frown as she repeated her earlier question. “Why are you inviting me?”

He threw caution to the winds and answered straight from the heart. “I want us to be friends and I hoped if we went totally outside this valley and the familiarity of our daily life, we could find a way.”

“Only friends?” she whispered.

He looked at her sharply. “I’d like to explore whether there’s more possible between us, I won’t lie but I think friendship is the best way to start. So, will you come? Daegan is holding your spot but if you decline we’ll add another Badari male.”

“Can I think about it for a few hours at least? You’ve taken me by surprise, in several ways. I’d like to talk to Keshara and see what she was thinking when she agreed.”

Hainn wasn’t keen on the idea, remembering Daegan had said the female Alpha was opposed to the outing, but he could hardly refuse her the requested time. “Sure, no problem. Can you let me know by moonrise?”

“Of course. Can you send me the holo? I’d like to watch it a few more times and see if I feel it’s possible for me to accomplish. I mean, even your pack learned to surf in the South Seas, you didn’t start out with these monster waves, right?”

“I wish I could take you home and teach you there,” he said, emotion rising in him. “But it’s not possible. It’s all a matter of timing and balance. The strength and the courage are already here.” He tapped her chest over her heart. “I have no doubt.”

She blushed and lowered her gaze. “I’ll admit it’s an intriguing idea and just getting out of the valley for a few days with no cares is enticing by itself.” Now she peeked at him through her lashes and he tucked a mental picture of her face in his memory because the expression was adorable and far from the usual Jezari expression. “And I do like the idea of us moving beyond the past and becoming friends. I don’t have many, outside my sisters. You’re a good person, Hainn.”

Jezari made her way slowly toward the Daughters’ residence, her thoughts whirling. Hainn had certainly upped the stakes in whatever was between them by inviting her to the surfing trip. Surely the gesture was a good thing? An omen she could trust? It wasn’t her imagination or an infatuation with the man—he’d stated clearly he wanted to be friends and more.

Then there was the surfing itself. She was intrigued and excited by the idea of battling the ocean to stand atop a monster wave and ride it. She was going to watch the holo again but what had stuck with her the most was how happy Daegan had seemed, even on the ride where he wiped out spectacularly. She also missed her dives in the lake and Hainn’s promise of extensive new vistas to explore at the sea mount were appealing. Best of all, there were no ghosts to haunt her out there on the ocean, unlike here where every glimpse of the lake reminded her of the alien woman entombed below.

Keshara was in her suite at the cave and when Jezari knocked, she was greeted with a happy smile. Gabe was nowhere in evidence, which was a relief to Jezari because she wanted to talk to her sister alone.

“Hainn must have told you about the surfing trip,” Keshara said as they both settled into big chairs in the Alpha’s living room.

“It sounds exciting and fun,” Jezari said. “I was flattered to be asked. I haven’t said yes yet though as Hainn indicated you were opposed to me going? I wanted to see what your opinion might be.”

“I did agree eventually,” Keshara pointed out.

“Yes, but why were you refusing the opportunity for me initially? Is there something I should be made aware of?” Jezari swallowed hard. “Is it because he was my healer?”

Eyebrows rising to her hairline, Keshara hastened to deny the last statement. “Goddess, no. That never even entered my mind. You’re the only one who keeps bringing that concern up and I have to say my advice there is to drop it. The rest of us have moved on, including Hainn.” She toyed with her hair, twirling a strand of it around one talon. “At first I was totally taken by surprise and so I responded negatively, I’ll admit. The idea was so new and radically out of the ordinary for us Daughters it astonished me. Then I was concerned you’d be the only woman on the trip and would that be awkward for you.”

“Did you doubt the brothers would respect me?”

“Not really. The South Seas men are as devoted to the idea of us being equals as Badari women as the northern packs are.” Keshara sighed and her face was troubled. “I think I’m overprotective of you now, like a mama bearbeast and her cub. Which isn’t fair to you—you’ve got fangs and talons like the rest of us and can take care of yourself now, make good decisions for yourself. It’s just we came so close to losing you I want to keep you wrapped in soft blankets and safe in our cave where I can make sure you’re never in any danger again ever.”

Jezari burst out laughing and moved to give her sister a hug. “A beautiful but totally impractical sentiment. As you said, I have an alien predator in my DNA like every other Badari and I’ve been at full strength for a long time. I mean, not my telepathy and my instincts are still lacking, but otherwise I’m fine.” She debated revealing her trips to the bottom of the lake to Keshara to relieve her mind but decided doing so would open another box of issues she wasn’t ready for.

“So you want to go?”

“Yes, absolutely. To get out of this valley and—no offense—away from everyone who wants to keep me safe would be wonderful. And the surfing sounds like an astonishing thing to do.” Jezari didn’t mention how much she liked the idea of having time to get to know Hainn better away from the prying eyes and gossipy tongues in the valley but Keshara’s next remark struck the heart of the matter.

“Is Hainn your fated mate?”

Falling into her own chair, Jezari fluttered her fingers to indicate indecision. “I don’t know. I told you my instincts are messed up. I know my inner beast is fascinated by him and I’m physically attracted to him—he makes me want , you know?”

“Oh yes, I’m well acquainted with the concept.” Keshara gave her a secretive glance and her lips curled upward. “My mate knows what to do with that instinct.”

“You’re so lucky you and Gabe found each other and knew you were mates,” Jezari said. “I envy you. And Raeblinn and Brent too for that matter. I don’t begrudge either of you the happiness. I wish I could be as sure about the path to mine. Honestly I’d never even dreamt about being mated when we lived in the compound because it was totally impossible.”

“I don’t want to lose you to the South Seas pack,” keshara said frankly. “If you and Hainn were to claim each other, you’d become Daegan’s. and when the war is over you’d have to move there with them.”

Jezari chuckled and held up one hand. “Whoa, let’s not get twenty steps ahead of ourselves here. I like the man and I enjoy his company and maybe I want to see what he’s like in bed…well, okay, I absolutely want to explore sexual compatibility at some point. But claiming him as a mate? Not happening on this surfing trip, sister, I promise you.” Privately she thought she might actually prefer moving to the South Seas. She’d miss her sisters but if the war was over they could visit each other, no doubt. The northern hemisphere held no great allure for her, no happy memories and the valley felt so closed in and small to her, especially with the secrets the lake held which only she knew in full. The South Seas pack had a more expansive optimistic approach to life, or so she’d observed. Having survived certain death in the Khagrish lifesucking pod, Jezari wanted to live her remaining days to the fullest. “Give me your blessing to go on the surfing trip?”

A wave of warm Alpha power swept over her as Keshara said, “Of course, yes, go and have fun and tell us all about it when you get back. Make sure someone takes holos—we want to see you in action surfing.”

“If I can learn how to do and don’t fall off the board every time.”