Page 27

BLAISE

I tiptoe out of my hotel room and slowly close the door shut in an effort to not disturb my sleeping roommate. After all, it's nice that one of us gets to sleep in and I would be a complete asshole for disturbing his rest just because I haven't been able to get much.

Add another unfamiliar bed to the list of places I can't sleep.

Sleeping in new places has always been difficult for me, which has always made away games rough.

It's something I thought I would eventually get used to, but that hasn't been the case. Tyler’s snoring, while not obnoxious, didn’t help matters.

Neither did the thoughts of Willow in that white sundress that kept circling my brain on an endless loop.

Outside, the morning air hits differently than Virginia. It’s warmer and…saltier? It’s a weird way to view air, but that’s the best way I can describe it. I do some quick stretches as I look around the hotel property. There's a path that seems to lead toward the beach. Perfect.

I start with a slow jog to give my body time to wake up properly.

I give myself grace as I pick up speed, and soon I’m running at a comfortable pace down a path near the beach.

The waves crash rhythmically to my left, providing a soundtrack that makes me forget I left my headphones in my hotel room.

My mind drifts to last night's welcome dinner.

I'd deliberately chosen a seat at the far end of the table, but somehow ended up with a perfect view of Willow anyway.

That memory sends my thoughts spiraling and makes me even more grateful for deciding to go for this run.

I need clarity and to clear my head, stat.

Less than twenty-four hours in Puerto Rico and I'm already feeling like I’m off balance.

I still need to get through a whole week in her presence and this is already starting off pretty rough if my behavior last night was any indication.

She’d caught me staring again, but I couldn’t stop. I know it was wrong and completely agree with anyone if they say it wasn’t my finest moment, but she’d truly taken my breath away and free will took over. Knox would have knocked some sense into me if he'd been there.

I push myself harder now, increasing my pace until my lungs burn.

The physical discomfort is a welcome distraction from the mental spiral my brain has on a loop.

The beach stretches ahead, in all of its beauty and is nearly empty except for a few early-morning walkers.

I realize that this is the first time in a while I feel somewhat at peace.

I’m not worried about my grades or hockey at the moment.

What a relief that is, especially after almost having an anxiety attack on the plane down here.

As I continue running, flashes of what happened yesterday play in my mind like a movie I can’t shut off.

Having Willow sit next to me on the flight hadn’t been on my bingo card.

Part of me was thrilled, the other part wanted to switch seats because being next to her and not being able to actually enjoy spending time in her company felt unbearable.

When our arms or hands would occasionally brush up against each other no matter how we tried to keep our distance, it took every inch of willpower to not react.

I was forced to pretend to read the same page of my book for twenty minutes straight because I couldn't focus with her so close.

Then the shuttle ride from the airport, where I'd deliberately chosen the seat across from her because I wanted to be close to her again. What the hell was I thinking? Oh that's right. I wasn't thinking at all.

I slow down when I reach a long stretch of beach, breathing hard, heart pounding against my ribs like it’s trying to claw its way out of my chest. Sweat has made its way to the surface, and I do enjoy the burn, but it’s not enough to stop the thoughts running through my head. Not even close.

I stop near some palm trees and lean forward with my hands on my knees. I force myself to focus on the rhythm of my breathing as I try to calm my racing heart.

In. Hold. Out.

Again.

I know I'm lying to myself by saying she’s just another girl attending Crestwood University.

Just my best friend's little sister. The second she sat down beside me on that flight, it was like my body forgot the rules I made with myself. Forgot the boundary I swore I’d never cross.

Even now, I wish there was a way I could act on all the thoughts running through my head.

Not all of them innocent and none I would dare say in front of Knox.

Not to mention, she fucking hates me. That I can’t blame on her at all.

I stand up straight and stretch my arms over my head until my shoulders pop.

I need to stop. Get my head on straight.

I’ve been through harder things than this, but this feels like the most dangerous game I've ever played.

Not that I want to play games with her..

.unless it has to do with videogames or fucking.

Dammit. Even the jokes in my head are betraying me now. And I can already feel Knox’s fist trying to connect with my body as a result of the thoughts I’m having about her.

I turn to face the ocean, letting the salty air fill my lungs.

The sun's climbing higher, lighting up the sky with a beautiful golden glow. While I have no issue with noticing the island’s beauty, things would feel more peaceful if my mind wasn't such a battlefield.

A war that I seem to be growing weaker in daily.

I never thought I would think this, but I need to get my shit together. For the team. For my own sanity. How will that happen, especially being in this close proximity with Willow? I have no idea.

After another quick stretch I start the run back to the hotel, hoping the endorphins will kick in and reset my brain.

Or kick my ass enough that my brain will go quiet.

I wish I had my gaming setup here because that would help a lot in terms of slowing down all the thoughts flying through my mind.

But it looks like I’ll have to rely on running and cold showers in order to make it through this trip.

The run back feels like it takes longer than it should. It could be because I’ve already exerted energy running here and was pushing my body harder than normal. While I do run to keep in shape, it’s not exactly my forte. However, I know it’s not just physical exhaustion weighing me down.

It's her. Always her. And that’s something I’ll have to live with.

I pick up my pace again, determined to punish myself for my thoughts and finally slow to a walk as I reach the hotel grounds.

I can’t help but put hands on my hips as I’m trying to catch my breath.

My shirt has grown damp and is slightly clinging to my skin.

Instead of walking back up through the lobby, I pause once more and watch as the sun moves higher in the sky.

I want Willow Sanchez. Not just physically—though that is part of it—but all of her.

The sharp comments, the fierce intelligence, the way she refuses to back down from anything.

I want the girl who looked at me with fire in her eyes when I pulled away years ago.

The woman who sat next to me on the plane yesterday, pretending I didn't exist while every cell in my body was aware of her.

It's not new. This feeling has been building since the night we kissed and even in moments where we wouldn’t see each other for months. Pretending indifference hasn’t helped either. The only thing that has changed is that I’ve gotten better at lying to myself about it.

I drag my hand across my face, feeling the stubble I haven't bothered to shave yet. "Fuck," I whisper to no one.

Knox would never forgive me. Our friendship would shatter. The team dynamic would fracture. And Willow? She'd probably laugh in my face.

I start walking back toward the hotel entrance.

The desk clerk is now replaced by a cheerful woman who smiles as I pass through the lobby.

I manage a nod but that’s it because I don’t feel like having a conversation with anyone right now.

I manage to not run into anyone on the journey back to my room and enter it as quietly as I left it.

Tyler's still passed out under his blankets, with one arm dangling off the edge of the mattress.

I take that as my sign to take my shower and get a move on with my day before he wakes up.

I grab some clean clothes and head to the bathroom.

I do what I can to not make too much noise because at least someone in this room should get some sleep.

I strip off my sweaty clothes and step under the spray. I instantly feel less tense.

The water hits my shoulders and I close my eyes, letting it wash away the physical evidence of my morning exertion. If only it could cleanse my thoughts as easily.

By the time I rinse off and step out, the mirror is completely fogged. I towel off quickly and dress in a simple navy t-shirt and khaki shorts. As I'm brushing my teeth, I hear movement outside the door. Tyler must be awake.

When I exit the bathroom, Tyler is sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone.

"Morning," I say, running a hand through my still-damp hair.

"Dude," Tyler mumbles, his voice thick with sleep. "What time is it?"

I wonder why he’s asking me when he has his phone in hand. "Almost seven."

He groans and flops back against his pillows. "Why are you even up? We're on vacation."

"We’re not on vacation technically, and I couldn't sleep," I reply, sitting on the edge of my bed to put on my socks. "I went for a run.”

"A run? This early?" Tyler rubs his eyes, looking at me like I've grown a second head. "You're insane."

"Just habit." I finish with my socks and reach for my sneakers. "Besides, the beach was beautiful this early."

Tyler sits up again, this time fully alert. "What time do we have to be down at breakfast?”

“Eight," I tell him, checking my phone. "Professor Wallace is pretty punctual."

Tyler groans again, this time louder. "That's like...an hour from now."

"Which gives you plenty of time to shower and get ready," I point out as I finish lacing up my shoes.

"Or sleep for another thirty minutes," Tyler counters, already sliding back down under the covers.

I shake my head, unable to suppress a small smile. "Your call. But breakfast ends at nine, and today's itinerary starts right after."

"What's on the schedule again?" His voice is muffled by the pillow he's now hugging.

"We’re doing some volunteer stuff in the morning. Free time in the afternoon, I think." I know exactly what we’re doing, but for some reason adding ‘I think’ to the end of my sentence makes it sound better, at least to me.

"Wake me at eight." Tyler pulls the sheet over his head.

I'm about to respond when my phone vibrates in my hand. I pick it up and see a text notification from Knox.

Knox: How's paradise?

I stare at the notification for a moment, unsure how to respond. How's paradise? If only he knew what I was dealing with.

Me: It's fine. Just got back from a run. How's Vermont?

I set my phone down and glance at Tyler, who's already snoring again. I should just leave him be for now. There's still plenty of time before breakfast, and I'd rather not sit alone in the room with my thoughts.

My phone buzzes again.

Knox: Cold as balls, but Selene's family is cool. Her dad keeps trying to teach me ice fishing.

I smile at the image of Knox standing on a frozen lake, looking completely out of his element.

Me: Sounds rough. At least you're not stuck running in the heat.

Knox: Yeah that’s the last thing I would be doing if I were there. How's Wills doing?

My heart rate spikes. Of course he'd ask about that. I hesitate, fingers hovering over the keyboard. What am I supposed to say? That I can't stop staring at her? That she looked incredible in that white dress last night? That I'm slowly losing my mind?

Me: Fine. We got dinner with everyone last night. Today is the first real day and?—

I delete the message and try again, carefully choosing my words.

Me: She seems good. Haven't talked to her much.

I set my phone down on the bed and run a hand through my hair. It's not a complete lie. We haven't talked much, but not for lack of me thinking about it. About her.

The phone buzzes again.

Knox: Cool. Just keep an eye out.

Me: Will do. No worries.

I'm about to set my phone down again when another text comes through.

Knox: Tell her to text mom. She's freaking out because Wills only sent one message since landing.

I laugh under my breath.

Me: I'll pass that along if I see her at breakfast.

Knox: Thanks man. Gotta go. Talk later.

I toss my phone back onto the bed and exhale slowly. The thought of having to approach Willow with a message from Knox makes my stomach twist. She'll think I'm watching her to report back to her brother.

Which is exactly what I’m doing. Fucking great.