Page 47 of Great Uncle Henry (Pride & Prejudice Vagary)

F anny and her daughters noted the palpable excitement her husband was unsuccessfully trying to repress. It was the thirteenth day of September. As they had all agreed, none of them acknowledged the behaviour as anything out of the common way for him.

Bennet was afraid that his exuberance for the entertainment he knew would begin soon enough had shown, but it seemed he had been able to pull the wool over the eyes of his silly womenfolk.

Even Lizzy had not noticed anything. It was time to begin.

“I hope, Mrs Bennet,” said he to his wife, just before she and her daughters were to leave the table, “that you have ordered a good dinner today, because I have reason to expect an addition to our family party.”

“Who can you mean, Mr Bennet? I know of nobody that is coming, I am sure. Unless our Taylor relatives, or perhaps Charlotte Lucas should happen to call. I am certain the dinners we serve will be good enough for any of them.”

He was shaken. Why did his wife seem perfectly calm? “The person of whom I speak is a gentleman and a stranger,” Bennet stated.

Mrs. Bennet’s eyes sparkled. “That sounds interesting. Who may it be?”

“It is a person whom I never saw in the whole course of my life,” Bennet announced dramatically.

This roused a great astonishment in him.

He had not the pleasure of being eagerly questioned by his wife and his four daughters.

Rather, they all sat watching him, waiting for him to expound on what he said.

After finding none of the expected amusement and not a bit of curiosity, somewhat peevishly he thus explained: “A few weeks ago I received this letter.” Bennet held up the missive.

“And some days after I answered it, for I thought it a case of some delicacy and required early attention. It is from my cousin, Mr William Collins, who, when I am dead, may turn you all out of this house as soon as he pleases.” Nothing.

Not a shriek, no fluttering. What was happening?

“I am confused, Mr Bennet,” Fanny said after a pause. “Did you or did you not tell me that a Collins may not inherit this estate? If so, pray tell, why would you say that now?”

She remembered all of that! It was Uncle Henry’s fault for interfering.

Bennet had hoped that he could confuse her.

He ignored his wife’s words and rather said, “It certainly is a most iniquitous affair, and nothing can clear Mr Collins from the guilt of inheriting Longbourn. But if you will listen to his letter, you may perhaps be a little softened by his manner of expressing himself.”

“Lizzy, did you not recently speak to my Brother Phillips about the entail?” Fanny asked while not paying her husband’s words heed.

“Indeed, Mama, I did,” Elizabeth confirmed.

“Has the entail changed?” Fanny enquired.

As expected, Lizzy shook her head. “In that case, Mr Bennet, we have no interest in hearing this letter from a man who will, in fact, never inherit this estate. It seems like you will need to go see Frank Phillips with this Mr Collins and set him straight.” Without waiting for her husband to respond, Fanny stood.

“Come, girls, we have calls to make.” She turned back towards her flummoxed husband.

“The carriage will be home no later than three this afternoon if you need it.”

Bennet watched, his mouth hanging open, as with complete decorum his wife and four eldest daughters filed out of the dining parlour following Fanny like a row of ducklings behind the mother duck. What had just happened?

He would best his wife. She was mean of understanding, and he was intelligent, so it would not stand that she would be unperturbed.

As for Lizzy, for supporting his wife, he would demand her obedience in becoming engaged to this oddity who would arrive later that day.

Bennet would go see Phillips and pay him to draft a document stating that the entail had been changed.

It had not, so he would explain it was all in good fun.

At the same time, he would have Phillips begin drafting marriage articles for Lizzy.

It seemed this Collins fellow had no way to earn an income, so Uncle Henry’s small house in Lambton—he had learnt his uncle did not lease, but rather owned his house—would suffice for them.

Unless she was left some money by Uncle Henry, she would receive nothing from himself.

Yes, they would pay for spoiling his fun!

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

“You say you want to have fun at Fanny’s expense and have me write something which indicates that this Collins fellow is in fact the heir presumptive, even though she has met the Taylors?” Phillips asked as he sat across his desk from Bennet.

“Exactly, just to have some harmless fun,” Bennet replied as he fought to keep a straight face.

“I am not sure what you want it to say,” Phillips claimed. “Write the points you would like it to cover and leave it with me. You may sit at one of my clerk’s desks on your way out. Is there anything else?”

“Yes, I would like you to draw up marriage articles for Lizzy,” Bennet stated.

“I did not know Lizzy had been proposed to by, and accepted a man. When did this happy event occur?” Phillips queried.

“Ehrm, she has not met him yet, it is my distant cousin who arrives later today.” Bennet would not look Phillips in the eye. “It will be a good match for her.” He knew this was a lie, but he was determined to punish Lizzy.

“You are about to insist one of your daughters marry a man none of us, including you have met? What if he is vicious? Does he have prospects? Is he an intelligent man? What makes you want to engage Lizzy, your supposed favourite, to this man?” Phillips shot questions at Bennet.

He had not any reply, except the one about prospects, which Bennet knew were none. But that was the point, was it not? Lizzy needed to pay for spoiling his sport.

“I am her father, and she will do what I command,” Bennet shot back mulishly. He was thankful she would only reach her majority in March.

“I know not what you are about, but you know canon law, do you not? If Lizzy refuses the man and refuses to recite her vows, there will be no marriage, no matter what you demand. Tell the clergyman that, although as a clergyman, he should know about canon law.”

Not for the first time, Bennet was bewildered.

He knew Lizzy well enough to know that she would never accept a proposal from the imbecile who was to arrive later that day.

Even if she were dragged to the altar, she would never recite the vows.

He needed the document from Phillips urgently.

If he could convince Fanny of the validity, she would be his ally in getting Lizzy to agree to his demands.

“Do not prepare a marriage settlement yet then. I will speak to Lizzy after she meets my cousin. All I need now is the document to have some harmless sport with Fanny.” As he believed he was more intelligent than anyone else, Bennet was sure Phillips would do his bidding.

“Write out your requirements, and I will look them over later when I am done with other more urgent business.” Phillips picked up a document on his desk, and Bennet knew he had been dismissed.

As he had been asked to do, Bennet listed what he wanted in the ‘joke’ contract so he could work on Fanny.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

Lydia Bennet had never been unhappier than she was. Not only had every attempt to escape on the way to this godforsaken school failed, but since being at the Dark Hollow School for Girls, she had attempted to escape twice.

The first night she had been in ‘the prison’, she had snuck down the stairs and found the front door unlocked.

She had slipped out, and she began to walk, positive that the distances to the nearest neighbours and the town were hyperbole used to scare the ‘prisoners’ from trying to gain their freedom.

The first mile had been easy; it was the same as walking from Longbourn to Meryton.

The second mile had seemed much harder. Lydia had not thought about the fact that she never walked to and from Meryton without a break.

There was an hour, usually more, time between walking to and from the town, so she was well rested before she would make her way home.

By the end of what she guessed was two miles, Lydia was crying from the pain emanating from her legs and feet.

At that point, she was dragging her feet.

She had found a rock and sat on it and allowed her tears free rein. She did not know how long she had been crying before she had heard the clip-clop of an approaching horse. She remembered the exchange clearly.

“Ya ‘ad enuf’ or would ya like some more?” A footman on a horse had asked derisively.

“You can take me to the town, and I will be very kind to you,” Lydia had said suggestively as she batted her eyelids like Mama taught her to do. She was sure the man would soon be in her thrall.

“Fir that, ya will walk back to school,” the man had barked out.

He had remained with her, but he never offered for her to join him on his horse.

The walk back took twice as long as when she had attempted to escape.

Her legs were burning, and she felt excruciating pain in her feet.

If that was not bad enough, the headmistress was waiting for her.

She was given a month to work as a maid before school each day.

Three days ago, Lydia had slipped out once more, but this time she had an infallible plan.

She would borrow a horse. That she had never learnt to ride nor how to tack a horse did not enter into her thought process.

When she arrived at the stables, she chose a horse and was about to open the stall.

However, before she could, the groom on duty had grabbed her arm.