Page 40 of Great Uncle Henry (Pride & Prejudice Vagary)
“You are not in trouble,” Richard said gently. He had not meant to scare the servant in this fashion, that was to be reserved for the bumbling parson. “Go about your business, and we will see your master. Which way to the study?”
The relieved woman pointed down the hallway and then scurried away.
His aim was to put the fear of God into the sycophant, so Richard kicked the door of the study open, causing the corpulent, sweating, malodorous man to jump and begin sweating even more profusely.
“H-how d-dare y-you?” Collins stammered. As soon as he noticed the giant men behind the one who had kicked in his door, he shrank back in fear.
“I am told that you are to marry today. Who is the unfortunate lady?” Richard drawled. “Tell me, Mr Collins, when did you propose to this lucky lady? Where is the licence or were the banns called? And who is performing the ceremony for you?”
Collins was fighting hard to not relieve himself in his breeches.
Why had he just sent that note to Lady Catherine saying he would do as she asked?
How did the man know so much about the upcoming marriage when Lady Catherine had demanded complete secrecy?
“Everything has been authorised by Lady Catherine de Bourgh, so I need not answer to you,” he blustered, hoping that speaking the way his patroness did would cow these men.
Very slowly and deliberately Richard withdrew his sabre from the scabbard allowing the scraping noise to hang in the air.
“Enough playing with you. I am the Honourable Richard Fitzwilliam, son of the Earl of Matlock, the man who was authorised to appoint a clergyman to this position. My aunt , Lady de Bourgh, had no right to appoint you. Not only that, we are also related to the Archbishop of Canterbury. I will be interested to see how His Grace looks upon a supposed clergyman who is so willing to contravene church law. If that is not enough, you were willing to force my cousin into marriage on the say-so of my insane aunt without Miss de Bourgh ever agreeing to marry you, no license, and that she would not have said her vows. I think defrocking will be the least of your worries.”
Collins lost control of his bladder at that point and relieved himself all over his clothing while the warm liquid ran down his legs. Collins had never been more afraid in his life. How could obeying Lady Catherine lead him into these straights?
“Biggs and Johns, bring that excuse for a human being with us, we need to see my aunt and make sure Anne is safe. We will walk, I am not subjecting our horses to that,” Richard cocked his head in the direction of the shaking, blubbering, soiled parson, “on one of their backs.”
The two footmen grabbed an arm each. On reaching his additional footmen in the drive, Richard instructed them to ride and lead the horses to the stables at Rosings Park and meet them at the front door.
The clergyman had been odiferous before, but thanks to him soiling himself, it was far worse.
Dragging the useless man between them and not wanting to allow his body to touch their own clothing, the little more than a half mile to the mansion was slow going.
The man between them tried to slow them down as much as he could, but he had no way of stopping them. His wailing was ignored.
As the manor house came into view, Richard saw a man banging on the front door, but it was not being opened.
His other footmen were there with the man.
He identified him as Albert de Bourgh. He must have ridden like the wind, although Richard and his men had spent some time at the parsonage, not to mention the snail’s pace to the house.
“Fitzwilliam,” de Bourgh called out. “Is that the sycophant who was to attempt to marry Anne?”
“The very same. Well met, de Bourgh, I wish it were under better circumstances. Did the butler refuse you entrance?” Richard enquired.
“He did. As soon as he saw it was me, he slammed and locked the door telling me that Lady Catherine has given orders that I am never to be permitted entry into her house,” de Bourgh revealed.
“Biggs and Johns, drop that. You and the rest of the men, open the door,” Richard commanded.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Lady Catherine was pacing in the drawing room where her throne-like chair was found. How was it that her late husband’s damned nephew called on her today of all days? Collins was not present yet. She needed him to bring the register and a common license. What was she to do?
The butler had done as she asked and locked the door, and he would not open it as long as the usurper was there. But if they did not open the door, how would her useless parson gain entry to the house?
She would send one of her loyal footmen to bring him back and guide him through the servants’ entrance. Just then she heard the sound of rending wood.
Outside the five footmen, including the two enormous men, stood before the door, each man lifted one of their powerful legs and kicked the front door with all of their combined might. The door gave way.
The butler and two footmen advanced from inside, but froze where they were when they saw Mr Fitzwilliam with a sabre in one hand and a pistol in the other.
Mr de Bourgh held a pistol in each hand.
If that were not enough, the two men were followed by two giants who were holding the hapless Mr Collins between them.
Three other large men followed as well. Lady Catherine did not pay them enough to die for her.
The butler and footmen turned tail and ran.
As they advanced towards the drawing room from where Lady Catherine’s screeching was emanating, any footmen who saw the group of men, did the same as their colleagues, they ran.
“Bunting, what was that noise?” Lady Catherine shrieked.
“That, Aunt Catty, was us entering the house,” Richard stated as he entered the gauchely, over-decorated drawing room, weapons still in his hand.
“How dare you enter my house without permission, and what have those brutes done to Mr Collins?” Lady Catherine demanded as she tried to salvage the situation. “What is that horrendous smell?”
“That is the smell of failure. Where is my cousin?” Richard queried.
“Mr Fitzwilliam, Miss de Bourgh is locked in her bedchamber until her wedding. Mrs Jenkinson is with her to make sure she does not escape,” Lettie spoke up. She had hidden away and slipped out as soon as she heard the noise.
“You are sacked with no reference…” Lady Catherine began to say.
“As of this instant, you have no say over who is or is not employed here. Did you know my late Uncle Lewis put a clause in his will to make this estate mine immediately if you attempted anything to force Anne to wed?” de Bourgh barked.
“Johns, take two of the other men and go with the maid and make sure my cousin is well. Escort her to this room, we will wait,” Richard instructed.
The three men followed the diminutive maid.
While they waited for Anne, Richard glowered at his aunt.
“You disgust me! Look at what you were willing to do to try to cheat de Bourgh out of this estate. You belong in Bedlam, and I am sure once all the facts are revealed to Father, that is where you will go,” he barked.
“You asked about that waste of a human being’s smell.
He soiled himself which only added to his previously pungent stink.
I already informed him he was never legally appointed to the living as it was never yours to give. ”
For once in her life, Catherine de Bourgh was truly frightened. The look in her nephew’s eyes was almost feral. How had it all gone so wrong, but more than that, how had they known what she planned to do?
“Richard and Albert, you came!” Anne exclaimed when she entered the drawing room. “I knew you two would come if you were home.”
“You called them here, how dare you?” Lady Catherine blustered.
“How dare you, madam? To try and force me to marry that,” Anne pointed a slim finger at the cowering Mr Collins,.
“All so you could steal this estate from Albert? You rail about the grasping lower classes, yet you are far more grasping than any of them. How many others would attempt to force their daughter into an invalid marriage all for their own avaricious ambitions?”
“I am your mother, you will respect me,” Lady Catherine demanded.
“No, you are not my mother. Mothers do not attempt to do what you tried with me. Mothers care about their children, not only their own selfish desires. You, madam, are no mother!” Anne growled.
“Mr Collins, your behaviour under the colour of the cloth will be reported to the Archbishop, and I can promise you that you will be defrocked. My men will accompany you to the parsonage. You have two hours to change and vacate the house, a house which was never yours in the first place,” Richard barked.
“Biggs, have two of your men get that out of my sight, and if he tries to slow them like he did coming here, they may drag him by his feet for all I care.” Richard was never more grateful that all of his footmen were former soldiers.
“Thanks to your machinations, the estate is mine. Also, per Uncle Lewis’s will, based on your actions all you will have is seven pounds per month, that is if Lord Matlock does not have you placed in an asylum.
Until he makes a decision, you will be locked in a cottage where you will be guarded at all times.
Your trunks will be searched to make sure you do not remove anything that belongs to my estate.
Until the footmen return you will sit and be silent,” de Bourgh commanded.
Lady Catherine was not so deficient that she could not see she was roundly defeated. She sat in the nearest chair; it was not her throne, and she seemed to age before everyone’s eyes.
“There will be a lot to do to purge the sycophants she employed,” Anne opined.
“Anne, even if it were not in the will, you will have a home here for all of your life,” de Bourgh assured her. “Other than your brave maid, are there any others who should retain their positions?”
“Not really, especially not Mrs Jenkinson who was my gaoler under Lady Catherine,” Anne replied. “Thank you Albert and Richard for saving me.”
“It was our pleasure and honour,” Richard responded.
Anne’s cousin, Albert de Bourgh nodded his agreement.
Less than two hours later the two footmen returned to report that the parsonage had been cleansed of the usurper. Next, Biggs and two others escorted Lady Catherine to her chamber and with Lettie supervising, only the former mistress’s belongings were packed.