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Chapter twenty-nine

Holt

Becca pulls away from me, and I let her go. I don’t want to, but I do it anyway. It hurts to hear her say she’s the cause of her family’s problems. That it’s her fault Hazel got sick tonight.

“Mason was a freshman in high school the year I was a senior. He didn’t have a lot of friends at the beginning of the year, so I introduced him to my then-boyfriend’s younger brother, who was in his year.

They hit it off. The brother, Mo, had a band, and Mason joined it.

Little did I know Mo and his bandmates were doing drugs.

At one of the parties they played at, my brother got high with them. That was the beginning of the end.

“He barely graduated high school. He’s been in and out of rehab so many times over the years.

It’s all my fault.” She shakes her head, blinking rapidly before meeting my eyes.

“If I hadn’t introduced him to those guys or encouraged him to join their band and hang out with them.

” She wrings her hands. “I should have known. I’m his big sister, and I failed him.

” She gulps in a breath. “I failed at protecting my little brother. I failed at being a big sister. How the hell am I supposed to be a parent? I’ll probably fail at that, too. ”

“Rebecca. It’s not your fault. You were a kid, too. You didn’t know what was going to happen. You wouldn’t have introduced him if you had. You can’t blame yourself. You weren’t the parent. ”

“He blames me,” she says quietly. “The last time I talked to him, he said it was all my fault that he is who he is today. That his life hasn’t amounted to anything because of me.”

My heart cracks in two for this woman I’m falling for. I open my mouth to tell her again that it’s not her fault, but she starts speaking.

“It was the same time our mom got arrested for driving while intoxicated. One day I was pissed because all she did was drink and sleep. I decided to take matters into my own hands and dumped all her alcohol down the drain. I thought maybe not having it in the house would mean she wouldn’t drink.

That she would go back to being the mom I remembered from when I was younger.

“Except she had a bottle she kept hidden in the back of her closet. She drank that. Got drunk but not enough to pass out. She wanted more. I refused to drive her. Dad was working—he worked any and all overtime he could to keep us afloat. Mason wasn’t home from band practice, ironically.

“She grabbed her car keys and stormed out of the house. I should have stopped her. She shouldn’t have been driving.

But I was so angry. I let her go. I think part of me hoped maybe she wouldn’t come back and we’d be better off without her.

Dad was coming home from a shift early.” She lets out a sob, and I pull her into my arms. “He got lucky the injuries weren’t life threatening.

Mom never came home after they arrested her.

I don’t really know what happened. Dad wouldn’t tell us.

Aunt Jen, Dad’s younger sister, came to stay with us while he was in the hospital, and she wouldn’t tell us either.

My family is such a fucked-up mess, and it’s all my fault. ”

“Becca. It’s. Not. Your. Fault.”

She shakes her head against my chest as if she doesn’t believe me.

“I should have known that’s how it would turn out. I should have driven her to the store. Or not thrown out her alcohol. The same way I shouldn’t have introduced Mason to those guys. I suspected my boyfriend was doing drugs, too, but didn’t have proof. I’m sure he was.”

“You couldn’t have known. You were a kid yourself.”

She pulls away from me, staring at the floor. “Yes, I should have. And now Hazel got sick while I was taking care of her. ”

A knock sounds at the door, and we both startle. “Sorry to interrupt whatever is going on in there, but are you almost done? I gotta use the bathroom,” Hadley calls.

“Sorry.” I grab Becca’s hand as we walk out. My sister darts around us and all but slams the door behind her. “Come on, let’s go to the living room.”

I take a seat and gesture for her to sit next to me, but she shakes her head and begins pacing.

I sit silently, watching her. It was cathartic telling her about Kat and how she made me feel—like a little bit of the weight that’d been sitting on my shoulders had been lifted off.

I hope Becca feels the same after sharing her story with me.

She finally comes to a halt in front of me. “The last thing I want is for something bad to happen to you or Hazel. Or Hadley.”

“I know.”

She tilts her head, studying me. “You’re not worried?”

I shake my head. “I know you think all of that is your fault, but it’s not. Have you ever thought about talking to someone? Working through this?” As the words leave my mouth, I realize Coach said almost the exact same thing to me a few weeks ago, maybe he had a point.

But my situation is different from Becca’s. She has clearly been dealing with trauma from her childhood, and my situation revolves around a shitty ex, who said shitty things to me.

“My dad’s been suggesting for years that I talk to a professional.

” She frowns, her forehead wrinkling. “I always thought I was fine with everything.” She blanches.

“I mean, not fine, but surviving, because everyone’s got shit they deal with, and I figured this was mine.

But”—she blows out a breath—“now it’s starting to keep me from something, someone, I want.

Maybe it’s time to face my past, my fears.

” Her voice breaks, and more tears stream down her face.

And, hell, if she didn’t say exactly what I told Coach a few weeks ago. Maybe, like her, I’m not fine even though I think I am. Maybe I should talk to a professional. Even if it’s only one session, and they tell me there’s nothing they can help me with .

But now is not the time to think about my own problems. Now’s the time to comfort her. I open my arms, and this time, she crawls into my lap and lets me hold her. I use my thumb to wipe away her tears before tilting her chin so I can see her eyes.

“I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you.”

We sit in silence for a while before she yawns.

“I think I’m going to go home.”

“You could stay here,” I offer.

She gives me a watery smile. “Thanks, but I think I need a little space to process everything.”

“Okay.” I stand and walk her back to her apartment, kissing her at the door.

I grip the two cups of coffee in my hands as I make my way from the elevator bank toward the medical wing of the arena, saying a silent prayer that Becca isn’t with a patient.

It’s been a couple days since I’ve seen her, and I miss her. I’m also worried about her. She’s texted me multiple times to make sure that Hazel is fine, and I have a feeling she’s still blaming herself for what happened.

Don’t get me wrong, I freaked out the first time it happened to me too, but the fact that Becca thought I was going to blame her, or that it was her fault, guts me.

Hopefully my gift will make her finally see how not upset I am about it.

I peek my head into her office and find her sitting at her desk.

“Knock, knock. I come bearing gifts.” I hold out the coffee cup as I walk into her office.

“Bless you,” she says, leaning up to give me a quick kiss before taking the cup from me and taking a big sip.

I take a seat in the chair across from her, grinning.

“I have a gift for you.”

She peers at me over the rim of her cup. “Something else? ”

I set the bag that was tucked under my arm on her desk. “Will you wear this to the game tonight?”

“Depends what’s in it.” She punctuates each word with a bounce of her eyebrows.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, sweetheart.” I growl.

Except now I have a different image in my head. I wonder how she feels about toys. The vibrating kind. Kat had one, maybe multiple, but she never let me use them on her. I give myself a mental shake, focusing back on the woman in front of me.

“Open the bag.”

Her cheeks tinge with pink as she pulls the bag closer to her and reaches into it.

“You didn’t have to get me a jersey,” she mumbles, peering up at me. “I have a couple already.”

“Not this one you don’t. Turn it around.” My voice is gravelly, filled with emotion for what this means.

She blinks up at me, a huge smile on her face when she sees my name and number on the back. “Did you get me your jersey?”

“I did, sweetheart.” I stand and round her desk, and she meets me halfway.

“Are you trying to claim me?”

I chuckle. “Trying? I think I already did.”

Her gaze darts back to the jersey on her desk. “Everyone will know you’re mine after this. You know that, right? Is that what you want?”

Her words play over in my head, and I swear no sweeter words have ever been said to me. If that makes me a love-struck fool, I don’t give a fuck.

You’re mine.

“Yeah, sweetheart. They already know, but now there won’t be any doubt in anyone’s mind that I’m yours.” I haul her into my arms and kiss the shit out of her.

She grips my shirt, pulling me closer as I devour her mouth.

We get lost in each other for a few minutes before I reluctantly tear my lips away.

I rest my forehead against hers, trying to regain control of myself before I push her onto her desk and devour her.

Nope, I won’t do that. Regardless of how hard my cock is right now.

She deserves better.

We deserve better for our first time together.

“Thank you,” she whispers, smiling up at me.

“Of course. I should go.” I give her one last chaste kiss before forcing myself to walk out of her office and down the hall to the weight room.

“He’s smiling. Like a fool.”

“I know. You think he’s okay?”

“I’m not asking him.”

“I can hear you,” I say, turning to my teammates huddled around Hunter’s stall, watching me.

Wes gives me a sheepish grin and runs a hand through his hair. “You have news you want to share with the class?”