Page 38

He turned right as the voice on his truck instructed.

He was a good driver—competent, followed the rules, aware of his surroundings.

I was staring at his hands, and I needed to try to function as a normal person.

“The All-Star break is coming up, right?” Every year the league suspended games for a few days for the All-Star competition. Ollie used to be part of it.

He shot a glance at me. “It’s a little different this year. They’re doing a four nations tournament, kind of a lead-up to the Olympics next year.”

“How is that different?”

“It’s a longer break, and more guys are invited.”

I didn’t ask if he was. The third goalie on a team would not get asked. Did that bother him? “Where is it?”

“Toronto, Montreal, Boston.”

“Not close, then.”

“No. Hockey is a bigger thing up there, so they’ll get better crowds.”

We talked about which four nations were playing and what players would be missing out because they weren’t from those countries. I didn’t recognize a lot of the names, but that was okay. The real conversation would come later.

The restaurant was good but not well-known, and we were able to find parking. We walked side by side on the sidewalk, not touching, but I was very aware of our hands, so close. Remy held the door open for me again and we were soon seated at our table.

Remy looked around once the hostess had left us. “It looks nice and smells even better.”

“And tastes better yet.”

Our server came over and we ordered drinks.

“What should I get?” he asked as we looked over the menu.

“Is there anything you don’t like? Anything you’re allergic to?”

“I’m okay with most things, but only medium spice. I can’t handle the really hot stuff some of you like down here.”

I smiled. “Want me to order, then? I promise not to get anything that will set your mouth on fire.”

He nodded and set his menu down. Our server returned and I chose several plates we could share. If Remy didn’t like one thing, there’d be other options. And since he was a hockey player, he could eat a lot.

“I’m glad we’re doing this.” He set down his beer and waited for my response.

“I am too. But that raises the question—what exactly are we doing?”

“What we’re doing now, or what we want to be doing?”

“That’s the issue, isn’t it? I’d hoped to talk to you at the house the other night, but Cash showed up and I chickened out.”

“I like what we’re doing.” He unrolled his silverware and fussed with settling his napkin in his lap.

“Hey.” I waited till he looked up again.

“I do too. I don’t want to stop. But where do you see this going?

” He looked down again and I winced. I didn’t want to be clingy, but when I assumed things, I got hurt.

I wasn’t important to people too often, and I wasn’t going to open myself up if Remy was just looking to fill the rest of his time here in Austin.

“I’m not asking for a lifetime commitment, but if this is short-term, no strings, I want to be on the same page. ”

He caught my gaze, jaw lifted. “I’m not using you. You’re not just a convenience.”

The words settled in my chest, relaxing me. “You’re not a convenience either.”

He nodded. “But I’m the third goalie on the Aces. The team could decide to cut me or trade me anytime. And your ex-husband has a lot of influence on that decision.”

I swallowed. I knew about trades, theoretically, but Ollie had been finished playing when we got together, and before that he’d been with one team his entire career. I’d never had to face the upset that a trade or the end of a contract could throw into someone’s life and their relationships.

This might be Remy’s last season ever. Ollie could tell the team they should get rid of him. And if he was traded, he had to go. Meanwhile, my shop was here. String Theory, which might be my future, and my family were here. I’d need something solid to consider relocating.

I wanted to ask what he’d do if this was it.

If there was no more hockey for him. Would he keep chasing that dream?

Play somewhere—Europe, maybe? Until there were no more hockey options?

But I remembered how he’d reacted previously and I didn’t.

I didn’t need someone else to tell me I wasn’t a priority.

Remy wasn’t making promises, and I’d rather he didn’t. “This is just for now, then.”

“How can it be anything else? Unless for some reason the Aces keep me around another season.”

I held up a hand. “No, let’s keep this simple.”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t seem like much of a deal for you.”

I put a hand on his. “Listen. Having you, having this, between us, is doing a lot for me. Ollie’s moving on, and I’m glad he is, but you make me feel like I’m not done. Like there’s still a chance for me.”

He stared at me. “Of course there’s a chance for you. I’m lucky you’re willing to settle for this, me.”

I checked that no one was close to the table. “The sex is amazing. But I should deal with some things, like I did with Cash, before I try something serious again.” If Remy had offered to date, would I have paused before agreeing, even so?

Expressions crossed his face and I tried to make sense of them. Disappointment, relief, resolution—I wasn’t sure what he was thinking.

“You’re good for me too. Gives me some happiness to think about instead of just obsessing about hockey.”

I smiled. “Happiness?”

He squeezed my hand. “Happiness.”

I wasn’t sure how much happiness he had, most of the time. And me? Yeah, the time with Remy made me feel good. Lighter. Happy.

Our server came with our first course, and we took our hands back. But the happiness was still there, making the meal taste better.