Page 4

Saeran

His face lights when I offer him a gift to add to his hoard. A joy only I ever get to see. I ache to see it one more time.

I can’t help myself. The moment I wake in the bedroom of the apartment I share with Tiernan, I sneak out through the window before he can catch me. Now that things are in motion, I have no patience left. Or control. I’ve waited thousands of years for this moment, for this iteration. So many years of being alone with my memories and feeling the devastation that those I love are forever separated from the other halves of their souls.

The shadows keep me out of sight as I traverse the quiet streets, allowing me to move around without using up precious energy. It’s so much a part of me now, after so many years bending it to my will, that it takes nothing to become a shadow myself. A dangerous path to walk. One slip, one wrong move, and I’ll become nothing but a shadow. I don’t exist when the shadows surround me, and if I’m not careful, I won’t exist at all.

Gyro follows me for a few streets and then disappears to make her own mischief. She knows how to keep herself hidden and safe.

I get myself lost down twists and turns in the city, not really knowing what I’m looking for. The need to be out here overwhelms me, and I don’t fight it.

Gliding past crowds of people who have no idea I’m here, the loneliness sinks in deeper than it has in a long time. Bright lights and neon signs are too loud, the city coming to life under the night sky, like a flower opening its petals under the sun.

The smells and sights and sounds are nothing compared to the world I came from. I don’t mind it, and civilization’s grown over the last century with appreciative advancements. Luxuries. Delicacies. I still miss home most days, but at least banishment is somewhat comfortable even if I can never truly settle here. While there are so many parts of this world that disgust me, there’s also so much beauty too. Good and bad, merging together like the sun and moon. Two halves of a whole. That’s something I can relate to.

I drift aimlessly, uncaring which direction I go. My feet are taking me somewhere, and I’m content to let them lead. What does it matter where we end up, when I’ll never get where I really want to go?

The scent turns my head first. So familiar to me, feeding my soul and making it sin.

Gluttony.

My heart skips a painful beat. He’s nearby.

The pull is easy to follow. Hope wars with caution. It may not be Gluttony himself. If he’s used his magic in the area recently, or if one of his glamours exist here—they do in so many parts of the city—the scent will be the same. Any traces of him call to me instinctively. They always have; they always will.

The lone figure walking through a dark alleyway and onto a back street devoid of humans isn’t a trick, a glamour, or leftover magic.

Gluttony is here, right in front of me.

Within reaching distance.

My heart thunders in my ears, the yearning so agonizing I clutch at my stomach as it contracts. He’s right here.

I’ve always been so careful to keep my distance, keep us apart. It’s the only way that my kind has been able to survive, the only way I’ve been able to protect what’s left of my world. I sacrificed everything to be what they needed because it’s my duty to lead them.

I failed them once; I won’t again. The broken pieces of my heart lie on the floor as my penance.

I know I should leave, and at the same time, I know that I won’t. Gluttony will forever be my siren, and I’ll break upon the rocks and destroy myself for a mere glimpse of him.

Gluttony stops as though sensing me. Of course, he does. Neither of us can ignore the other. Especially not this close. He turns in a full circle, his downturned head moving back and forth. Using his senses to pinpoint where I am. He won’t find me, not when I’m using the shadows like this. And Gluttony’s magic, his sheer power, won’t work on me.

“Show yourself,” Gluttony growls.

A shiver runs through me at the sound. How many times over the years have I dreamed of it? How long has it been since I’ve heard it in person? Even longer than that last time I heard it while Gluttony filled me, making me whole. The demigod standing in front of me is a stranger. He looks, and talks, and breathes like the man I’ve loved forever. But he’s not. Not where it matters. He’ll never look at me the way he once did.

“And if I don’t want to?” I ask, unable to resist interacting with him. This glimpse is too much for me to walk away from. Being this close to him is painful and perfect, and I could cry at the mix of emotions in my chest that are too large to handle.

“Then I’ll make sure you regret it. Who are you?”

I dance around him, through the shadows, throwing my voice as I speak. “Someone who wants to help you.” I shouldn’t, it’s too dangerous. In the end, that doesn’t matter. If he calls, I will come. Always.

Whether the Sins can be trusted or not remains to be seen. My court was betrayed in the worst way, rocked to the core and slaughtered in a single night. The Light can’t have done it on their own. We still don’t know who helped them. Even without their memories intact, the Sins benefited greatly from the results. They gained power and a whole world to rule over. A status that they couldn’t have achieved across the shroud.

Are they partly responsible for the death of my family, for all I hold dear? My heart breaks at the idea that any of them could have had anything to do with the massacre. I refuse to believe it, but I can’t risk those left on a feeling with no proof. Gluttony is my everything, and yet I can’t trust him with any of this. Not even if I want to. Not after everything I’ve gone through to survive. More than my own life is at stake here, and my sacrifices can’t be for nothing.

“A clever lie. Show your face.”

I want nothing more than to give him that. Still, I can’t. Even if one single glimpse could fix the evil magic that caused this in the first place, it doesn’t matter. Fixing it would mean the end for us all.

“We can’t always get what we want.” A truth that haunts me.

“I get what I want,” Gluttony says with absolute confidence.

You can’t have me.

I can’t have him back in my arms where I need him. Where I ache for him to be.

“You want your brothers back,” I say, knowing that’s really what he’s talking about. “And they’re still missing.” I risk moving closer, the need too strong to completely ignore. It’s why I’ve kept my distance all these years. How much temptation can I take? I fear the answer.

Gluttony turns in the correct direction, and I swiftly move out of eyesight. If he looks too closely, for too long, will he see me? His glamours are nothing for me to see through. I wonder if it works both ways? I’ve never tried to deliberately hide from him before.

He half turns his head, again directly facing me. He’s more careful this time as if he knows that I’m nearby, and that if he makes any sudden movements, I’ll disappear.

“What makes you think any of the Sins are missing?”

He’s right. Only Lust is ever in the spotlight, and it won’t have been noticed by the general public that the others aren’t around. They’re as much in the shadows as I am. “You might be able to keep it out of the media, but not everyone is so ignorant.”

“Not everyone, meaning you?”

“Me,” I agree, moving further back into the shadows. “And others.” I’m not the only one watching their every move. Not every set of eyes on them are friendly. In fact, most of them aren’t. I can’t blame him for thinking I’m just another.

“Who want to help me?” Gluttony asks disdainfully.

Not answering tells him what he wants to know. There are many with opinions about what to do with the Sins, both from my own kind and from other humans that don’t like the oppression of their rulers. The most popular opinion among mine is to leave them here to rot and take a shot at getting our home back ourselves. Another is to simply learn to live with what we have left and accept that we’ll never be what we once were. An era lost to us forever.

I choose not to believe the worst of them. My heart belongs to one of them, and I need them to be better than that. Being separated from Gluttony is one thing; to be on the opposite side of a fight from him? I can’t accept that. I won’t .

Gluttony sneers. “But you. You want to help me?”

I come up behind Gluttony. Too close. Not close enough. I’m hovering high enough above the ground that I could glance my lips across the back of Gluttony’s neck. I once knew the taste of him intimately. The familiar masculine scent sends a shudder through me, tears pricking at my eyes. Oh, that scent. What I wouldn’t give to have it wrapped around me, to feel that familiar heavy weight against me. Holding me, loving me.

This is a mistake. I should never have come here or lingered.

Now it’s too late. Everything I buried deep, everything I try so hard every day to forget, crashes over me like waves against the rocks. Every memory, a curse and a blessing, pulls me under until all that’s left is the two of us. Of what we had that had once been so precious and perfect.

“Yes,” I say, unable to mask the crack in my voice. Yes. Let me help you. I’ve tried searching for his family, for him, hindered by the fact that I can’t risk exposure. I need more time, more power. I wish that I could do more. I’ll do everything that I possibly can for this man who’s held my heart for eternity. A man I can never touch again, never hold or kiss or love .

This is one thing that I can do for him before I die and take all the memories of the past with me. I’m the only one who remembers, and I’ll be the last to take it to my grave.

Gluttony swivels around, almost too fast for me. I retreat into the shadows, out of his path, blanketing myself so deep I almost lose myself in it. I pull back at the last moment before it can swallow me, its tendrils wrapping around me.

“Allies don’t hide in the shadows.”

“I want to trust you.”

“ You want to trust me ?” Gluttony scoffs. “Try the other way around.”

Trust is in short supply for us both. The last time my people trusted, we’d been almost wiped out. The last time the Sins had trusted, they’d been betrayed in the worst way. Conor’s true identity remains a mystery to both of us. Does he belong with the Sins, or is he a block in the road to their true path? Wrath’s reaction to him makes me suspicious, but I need to get closer to him to confirm or disprove it. He’s extremely slippery, more than he should be. Emerging as Fae isn’t enough to confirm it. My weakened state means I can’t be sure of anything, and making assumptions like that without proof is dangerous. Especially given Conor’s volatility and the magic he’s throwing around like confetti.

Gyro pops into sight, right in front of Gluttony. He jerks in surprise and grabs for her. His hand slips through her, and she ducks away from him, crackling lightning curling up around her snout and over her back, lighting up her rainbow colors until they resemble an otherworldly glow. The strikes empower, feed, and delight her simultaneously. She’s stunning under the darkness, her face happy and bright. It’s been a long time since she’s been quite this animated.

Being this close to Gluttony would be incredible for her. I understand completely. Too much of the past bleeds around us, not nearly enough at the same time.

A blast of lightning goes through her. Gluttony’s attempting to attack. She lights up, squealing happily and whirling around in circles. I can feel the absolute pure joy bursting from her. She doesn’t understand that this isn’t a game. That Gluttony isn’t doing it for her enjoyment.

“That’s not you,” Gluttony surmises.

“No.” I hesitate. Will revealing her do irreparable damage? Is it just us joining together that will undo years of concealment, or is she part of the equation as well? “Her name is Gyro,” I say before I can take it back. Will he recognize her? Is there some part of the past still left in there? Do I want there to be? My heart does. Except bringing my Gluttony back to me will mean losing everything else.

“What is she?”

“A specter. A companion. My guide and my friend.” The proof that you and I will forever be bound together, no matter where our souls lead us.

“You’re from across the shroud,” Gluttony says, lips curling up into a snarl.

“I won’t hurt you.” I could never. I’ve destroyed myself to ensure he’s safe. That they all are.

“Forgive me if I don’t take you at your word.”

Gyro turns in a circle and then tumbles onto her back, kicking through the air like she’s swimming. She presents Gluttony with a single orb, filled with Fae magic. Our only way to help him.

It won’t lead him directly to his brothers, but if there’s Fae energy, it will lead him there. There’s not enough magic left in me to use it properly, not the way it’s meant to be. It won’t open for me anymore. Others will; not this one. There are only seven Fae in existence that can use ones like this, and I’m the last one left with that innate knowledge. The strands I can do but nothing of this magnitude. Being cut off from so much of my magic is debilitating, and at first the struggle almost killed me, but I’ve had time to get used to it.

I can only hope that Deacon will be able to work it out on his own.

“What is this?” Gluttony asks, not touching it.

“A gift. It will help you find your brothers.”

Gluttony hesitates and then wraps his large hand around it, engulfing it completely. A flutter of warmth dances in my chest at the trust he shows, no matter how miniscule. Instinct.

“If you’re lying to me,” Gluttony threatens.

“You can do nothing to me.” Nothing he hasn’t already done. Simply by existing in this state, he destroys me. “I’m not lying to you.” I can’t reveal the truth; that isn’t the same as lying.

Gluttony’s hand clenches around the orb. “We’ll see.”

We will. He’ll learn that I can be trusted. And by then it will be too late to do anything about it.

I leave without another word, having done my good deed. If I’m around him much longer, I know I’ll do something that I can’t take back. Like reveal myself and beg him to love me again.

Gyro circles me as I walk, her big eyes wide and confused. She mewls and looks back at the streets we’re turning from. Away from Gluttony until I can’t smell him anymore or feel his magic.

“No, Gyro. That’s not him,” I tell her quietly, stroking her head.

He doesn’t exist anymore.