Page 366 of Gladiators of the Vagabond Boxset

Akri

She was hugging me. I had just fought in front of her like a raging beast. I had lost complete control of my body the moment I realized she was in danger, and she was hugging me? Did she not realize what kind of monster I was? How much risk she was taking by touching me right now?

Freezing in place, I held myself as still as I could, afraid that even the slightest move would set me off again.

Focusing my senses on each point of contact made me aware of the press of her breasts against my back.

Before Jenny, I thought of them simply as mammary glands meant to nurture a youngling.

Now, though… the soft curves pressed against me made the blood in my body simmer with heat, making it rush to my groin.

Another sign of my body doing things I couldn’t control.

I was a danger to her, and to others. I had lost all the progress I thought I’d made in these last few days.

After this mission, there would be no happy return to my friends and my ship; I would have to go into seclusion if I couldn’t find the answers.

Or make that final decision, and upload myself to the Vagabond’s memory banks once again.

“Jenny,” I said, “you can’t touch me. I am dangerous. You have seen what happens when I am forced to fight… I have no control over these violent urges.” It pained me to admit it out loud, but Jenny deserved to know the truth. There was no hiding it now, not when it so clearly put her in danger.

She made a low noise in the back of her throat, and then I felt the heat of her breathing sear my spine, straight through my coat.

She had pressed her face against my back, her grip around my middle growing a little tighter.

“So what if you went berserk? It saved us. It was freaking awesome, Akri. I don’t care that you hurt them. ”

Her words made no sense to me, but she was finally doing what I wanted: letting go and stepping back.

Then why did I feel a pang of loss burn at the center of my chest?

She was doing what I wanted; it shouldn’t make me feel sad.

Damn it, these feelings were so much harder to understand in a body.

As a machine, a computer, it had all been so black and white.

I missed that. When would things start to make sense?

She walked around me, a smile on her face.

I was struck anew by how pleasing her features were to look at, and I braced myself for her imminent departure.

“Akri, get out of your head right now. Stop thinking and come with me,” she said.

All the thoughts in my head seemed to short-circuit at her words, confusion striking me.

She didn’t even let me have a moment to process it all; she just took my hand and started pulling me with her.

“You were awesome! That was so cool. You were so fast… I can’t believe how fast you were!

” she said, her hand warm around my fingers.

I could feel her pulse pounding, and her feet were picking up speed, urging me to run with her.

“Let’s get out of here before anyone comes to investigate the ruckus we made. ”

There was no “we”; I was the only one who had made a ruckus, as she called it. I’d even growled like an animal, the sound coming from so deep in my belly that it rattled my spine. I was a monster—a violent, dangerous monster—and she had seen it in action. Why was she not running away from me?

She was right that we needed to vacate the scene of the fight; Ov’Korad police were bound to be alerted to the location.

Picking up speed, I overtook her lead, urging her to run faster as we darted through the warren of back alleys near the port.

We were almost at my destination. I’d lead her to a ship that would get her to a sanctuary planet, and then I’d continue my mission.

Jenny was giggling, and when I looked over my shoulder at her glowing face, I couldn’t help but feel a smile creeping onto mine in return. She wasn’t like most humans I knew; each time we were in a dangerous situation, she responded with mirth once it was over. She was so vibrant and alive.

I didn’t want to dampen that mood, but as soon as I deemed it safe for us to slow down, I had to explain more.

“You don’t understand, Jenny. I have no control.

I didn’t mean to start any of the fights we’ve been in.

I don’t want to kill anyone… but when I am forced to fight…

this happens.” I ended my explanation miserably.

It was my fault her face had been all over the many billboards of Ov’Korad, wanted for murder.

She squeezed my fingers, reminding me that she was still touching me, connected to me physically through our hands.

“I could see that, Akri, but I don’t believe for a single moment that you’d ever hurt me.

You do realize that each time you started fighting like that, it was because you were coming to my defense? How can I not admire that?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question; I hadn’t recognized the trend she spoke of myself.

What if she was right? Had I been fighting as much as I had to protect her?

Was that why I’d found myself losing control?

When I fought, it was like Brake—the gladiator this body had once belonged to—took over.

My own mind took a backseat as instincts guided my body, allowing me to draw on the plentiful skills that male had accrued over his lifetime.

“I see,” I said. “Protecting you. Yes. That is true.” I could feel those instincts surge in me just thinking about Jenny in danger.

I did want to protect her more than I wanted to preserve my own existence, which was counterintuitive to life itself.

Why would I have an urge that strong? I had to analyze the hormones surging through my body; something new had been happening since Jenny and I met.

This just made my mission all the more urgent: I had to find out about this species and Brake’s past.

“Yeah, that’s definitely true, and I’m really grateful for it.

I don’t know what would have happened to me if not for you, Akri.

Nothing good, I’m sure.” Jenny sounded incredibly grateful, and I liked that, but I liked it better when she was smiling.

It almost made me consider pausing so I could touch her with my tentacles; she said she liked that.

I didn’t need to dwell on her future for long, either, to know that she spoke the truth.

I had rescued her. If not for my intervention, she’d have been taken by that Sithral.

He would have done unspeakable things to her, because that’s what beings like him did.

We were both quiet as we resumed our trek to the port, but Jenny never let go of my fingers.

My closest tentacle reached out to her, and she ducked closer, letting it curl around her shoulders as we walked.

It was… nice. It made me feel content, not in turmoil like before.

It made me start to believe that she really didn’t think my violent behavior was abhorrent.

“So why did they call you Brake?” Jenny asked at some point.

She tilted up her face to mine, and I loved the inquisitive look in her hazel eyes.

She was so vibrant and so cheerful; it was as if she thrived under stress and adversity, bouncing back like nothing could ever get her down. I wanted to be a little more like her.

“This body was called Brake before I came to inhabit it. He was a gladiator who dominated the arena forty years ago—a first success on the sands for Crimelord Drameil.” I waved with my free tentacle down the length of my body as I spoke, then shook out my wrist to show her the scar that slashed across it.

“This body still bears many marks from his fights.”

She quietly watched me as we walked, not immediately responding. I felt like she was searching my soul—if such a thing could exist—trying to decipher the truth about me. I wished I had the answers for her; I’d gladly tell her everything, but I truly didn’t know.

“You really talk as if you’re some strange entity that’s now possessing that”—she gestured at my chest—“I suppose, given the fact that I was abducted by aliens, I shouldn’t be surprised that disembodied entities can exist too.

” From her words, it was obvious that she still found it hard to believe, and what she said next proved it.

“Are you sure you didn’t just suffer from some kind of traumatic brain injury?

And that’s why you disassociate from your body? ”

She had a valid point. When I downloaded my entire existence into Brake’s brain, there was evidence of extensive brain damage.

What if I was misremembering who I really was?

What if I couldn’t trust my memories to be real?

Was I just Brake, and I didn’t remember?

No. My memory was accurate; I had to believe that.

Brake’s being—the parts that made him who he was—his memories.

They were all gone. His body had been clinically dead when I came to occupy it.

It was only my own repairs and the hard work of Luka that healed the brain so I could regain full function of the body.

But I was Akri, not Brake, and I truly had previously been a spaceship.

“No,” I said to her. “I healed all the brain damage when I ‘possessed’ this body.” I used her term, but it left an icky taste in my mouth. ‘Possessing a body’ sounded like I was taking it without permission, but Brake was long gone. He wouldn’t object, would he?

She smiled, but I could tell she still didn’t believe me; she thought I was lying to myself.

If not for that tiny niggle of doubt, I would have tried harder to convince her.

I just couldn’t deny that there was a very small chance she was right and my memories were false.

This truly did make my mission urgent: only someone who knew about Brake’s species could give me the answers I sought.

I was still contemplating all of it when I got us to an energy grid access point just outside the port.

It was one of the maintenance shacks that dotted the city to support the massive demand for power.

It was guarded by a force field and cameras, but I had no issue circumventing any of those protective measures.

First, I used a jamming device from my bag to disrupt them all, then I hooked myself up to the port with my tentacle, and it was easy to control everything.

“Just a minute. I will make sure our entrance to the port goes unnoticed,” I explained to Jenny. While I was accessing this point, I’d also make sure the ship I wanted was still berthed in the spot I expected it to be.

“Sure, I’ll keep watch.” She turned her back to me, carefully keeping an eye out for anyone approaching.

This was on the edge of the vast warehouse district.

Off the beaten path. We were safe from discovery, though it couldn’t hurt to keep watch, just to be sure.

“I’m coming with you, Akri,” she added, just as I was about to search for ships heading toward the Kertinal or Aderian territories. I shivered at her timing.

“Fine, but I’m breaking into a highly protected research facility. It is not without danger,” I warned her, but all she did was shrug with a grin. She didn’t seem in the least opposed to more danger, and though I wanted to send her to safety, the desire to keep her near me won out.

Disconnecting from the grid, I took her hand with both resignation and a feeling of relief, and led her to the supply ship for the facility. Jenny was coming with me, and I had to accept that I was willing to use Brake’s violent skills to keep her safe.