Page 33 of Gifted Destiny (Hidden Libraries #3)
Zosia
I ’m beginning to hate the sound of my voice and constant self-doubt. Just when I feel like I’ve gotten matters in hand, something new and frightening happens.
I am petrified that I will ultimately disappoint everyone. In addition to Sage and my grandmother, every sphinx ever born is watching and hoping we’ll succeed. They might not be our only audience, either. There is more to this universe than we see – just like there was more to my life than I thought. More to me?
I have utter faith in my men, including Bren; they are everything my grandmother said. I’ve accepted my birthright, but the struggles and constant need to prove myself continue. Is this life? Suffering through endless trials? The tenth-floor goblin had mentioned something similar, but the mythical idea of an end continues to taunt me. I want to relax, breathe, and say, ‘ I’ve done it. It’s over.’
When it’s truly over for me, though, I won’t be cognizant or aware to say those words. I won’t have an afterlife like Kodi. I’ll be gone, but a facsimile of me will remain in the minds of those who knew me or learned of me. Perhaps they will struggle to prove themselves worthy of me, as I am doing with my grandmother. Nothing truly ends ….
“All librarians are superheroes,” Kodi says.
My brain struggles to retrieve the conversation we were having. It takes another second to realize my best friend is serious for once.
“Remember all those times you thought you might go insane? The stories protected you. They saved you. Not all of my memories have returned because I can’t quite remember where I got the gooks that I read to you or gave you while we were underground. I think my mom had a room that was filled with books.” The ghost shrugs and shakes himself out of his memories, and his strange energy ripples strangely with the movement. I don’t remember that happening before we bonded, but several things have changed.
“Where I got the books doesn’t matter, but I’m positive the books were my mom’s escape, too. And remember some of the most scared kids at the orphanage? They wouldn’t talk to anyone, but they perked up when you, or anyone else, started reading aloud. Sometimes, it reminded them of someone who used to read to them. Other times, the books offered a different world or different life. You always thought the magicless libraries were magical, and you might be right. Librarians and books save lives, so they have to be super-powered.”
“I didn’t think you were capable of something so deep,” Garrett murmurs as he stares at Kodi. The ghost offers a cocky smile, and the shifter rolls his eyes.
“Don’t forget the people who write the stories,” Bren interjects. He’s either oblivious to the other men’s interaction or purposefully ignoring it. “There wouldn’t be a need for librarians or libraries if we didn’t have authors, historians, or storytellers.”
I sigh. “I suppose you have a point. It’s not just librarians or authors –hundreds of magicless workers do the work of heroes. If ….” My guardians lean closer as if shortening the distance between us will help them hear words I haven’t said yet. My tail thumps the floor behind me, and I start to chew on my lip before remembering how pointy my teeth are in this form.
“If is a good word,” Bren says with a nod. Heads swivel in his direction, but he doesn’t continue.
“No quote?” Kodi gasps.
Bren shrugs in answer before directing his pale gaze toward me. “If?”
I rise from my haunches and nearly smack the men with my wings as I shake and try to shore up my courage. “If I’m going to be a superhero, I might as well try to accomplish heroic things, right?”
“Right,” Bren says with a nod, although he probably doesn’t even know what I want to do. His gaze moves to Kodi. “Joseph Campbell said, ‘A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself.’ The definition can be simpler than we think.”
“I knew it,” Kodi whispers. “According to that quote, we’ve all been heroes this whole time,” he adds, trying to puff out his chest without air.
“You want to try and save Agustin’s soul.” Avery returns us to the current topic. His tone lacks the judgment and incredulity I feared.
“Yes,” I say on a released breath that sounds like a soft growl in this form. “I see no point in being superheroes if we can’t save innocent people. Agustin is innocent, and his soul doesn’t deserve to be separated from Atanea and her other guardians. If he’s still fighting to protect the library, some part of him must remain. I have to try.”
The four men surrounding me nod, and I can’t detect any doubts in their emotions. Like me, they can easily imagine one of us in Agustin’s place. What if one of them had been sucked into the book?
My heart aches for the grandmother I’ve only encountered after death. She left the library despite knowing the consequences because she’d never lost faith in her mate. She’d tried to save him.
Kodi’s energy shivers erratically, and I expect a warning; his job is to keep me in tune with reality. I’m pleasantly surprised when he doesn’t say it’s hopeless. “I swear I can feel that part of him that your grandmother mentioned.” He shakes his head. “I hope I’m not just imagining it, but that piece reminds me of … me – just like Avery said. We’ve both been reduced to the essentials, and we’re constantly poised on the threshold of the afterlife. I might be able to hold onto him and protect him while the bad spells are destroyed.”
I want to hug my mate, but he is composed of electricity and plasma. Instead, my body vibrates with a rolling rumble of affection.
“Are you purring right now?” Kodi gushes in a higher pitch than his normal speaking voice. “That’s so adorable. I want to pet you. Can I pet you?” My purr switches to a warning snarl. My sphinx doesn’t mind being stroked like a housecat, but she doesn’t want to admit it.
“You didn’t complain when I was petting you last night, princess,” Kodi drawls.
My growl softens as I fight a blush. My mates seem amused, and I don’t sense any jealousy from the shifter. I should have made him mine before he resorted to his asshole comments. Memories of last night and this morning return without shame.
Garrett clears his throat and raises an eyebrow when he catches my attention. His desire matches mine, but his emotions clearly indicate that the timing is all wrong. My tail thumps and my wings rustle as I regather my thoughts.
“Kodi, that’s wonderful news. Can you try to solidify the connection while Bren and I try to create mage fire?”
“Is that what you’re calling it now?”
I shoot Kodi a dirty look before I realize the words were transmitted privately along our mental link.
Bren regards me dubiously. I don’t need a mate-bond to read his mind. He thinks our task is dangerous and probably pointless, but he doesn’t argue. We don’t have any other options.
“I have some discreet resources I can tap into to more closely monitor Walthers’ and Addingtons’ movements on campus,” Avery murmurs. When my emotions spike with alarm, the vampire offers a smile. “I shall not endanger myself, mon amour. ”
I force the breath from my lungs. I must display the trust I say I have in my men for it to be of any use. “All right,” I sigh. “Thank you,” I say instead of the warning I want to issue. Avery knows my thoughts and offers a warm smile in response. “I suppose Bren and I should go to the roof?”
“That will be the safest place,” Garrett agrees. “You need energy to practice magic, though. You two head up; I’ll bring some food.”
I want to kiss the shifter, but I settle for butting him with my head. I am hungry but returning to our apartment for food sounded like a monumental task. I’ve grown accustomed to being coddled by the library’s magic.
“And I guess I’ll just stay and watch the book.” Kodi adds an overly dramatic sigh to his complaint.
“If you want to turn solid to fetch food, I’ll switch with you.”
Kodi grimaces. “That sounds like a complete waste of a body. It’s fine. I’ll remain on guard duty.”
“Thanks, boo.” I pucker my lips to mime blowing a kiss to him, and he pretends to catch it in the air. The utter cheesiness of the act elicits chuckles from both of us.
“Is this okay?” I ask Bren on the way to the stairwell. He’s been quiet most of the morning, and my mind automatically provides several negative reasons for the silence.
“I will be,” he murmurs but doesn’t elaborate.
I overthink all of the reasons he might say this as we climb the stairs. Briefly, I question whether I want to return to my old life – when things were simpler. I know the answer before the question fully forms. I’m not the same person that I was just two or three weeks ago. I couldn’t return even if I wanted to, and I really don’t. My new life may not be easy, but it’s mine. This is where I belong.