Page 19 of Gifted Destiny (Hidden Libraries #3)

Zosia

K odi is kissing me … my Kodi. As a boy, he comforted me when I was sad and read books to me when I was scared or bored. As a young man, he defied his father to protect me and saved me when I was on the brink of death. He is my first love, my best friend, and the only reason I didn’t lose my magic or my will to live. I owe everything to him.

The sense of betrayal I felt when I learned the men decided to transfer magic without telling me fades into the background. The ghost’s touch feels less ghostly than the few times he’s gained solidity. The prickle of his static aura is absent, and nothing stands between us.

My brain struggles to function as Kodi trails sweet, purposeful kisses down my neck. I grasp his shoulders, marveling at the firm muscles and substantial width. I want to explore every part of his body – the body I’ve looked at for years but been unable to touch. I’ve always been attracted to him, but the pull between us is stronger when he possesses a body that is in color.

Three hours ago, I couldn’t stay awake despite my reaction to Garrett’s attention on my legs. The three hours of sleep were more restful than they should have been, though, and this is Kodi. I’ve pined after him for nearly a decade. It started as a pre-teen infatuation that developed into a crush and then love. I’d always thought that harboring desire for a ghost bordered on stupidity, but I couldn’t deny the yearning of my heart.

I want this moment to last forever. I manage to whisper his name between gasps as he sucks my earlobe between his lips. I don’t want him to stop touching me, but another compulsion takes over. “I want to look at you,” I say boldly when he leans back with a quizzical look.

I want to memorize every detail and paint a picture in my mind that I can recall when he changes back. His cheeks are flushed, and his chest rises and falls with deep breaths as he succumbs to my examination. Heavy-lidded eyes reveal turquoise irises. Tonight, they’re speckled with the neon blue of Bren’s magic. He might lack Bren’s perfect features, but both men are equally beautiful.

Propped against a mound of pillows, I raise my arms to touch him. My fingers comb through the thick copper waves of his hair and trace the burnished freckles on his skin. Desire imbues his skin with a coral hue, erasing the ashen paleness I remember.

Completely entranced, my fingertips graze his prominent cheekbones, the square shape of his jaw, and the hollows between. The bump in his nose indicates it was broken at one point. I remember that – how I’d seen him bruised and swollen with a white bandage across his face. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, even though I pressed. I won’t ask now. I don’t want to unearth memories that should remain buried.

Wonder, gratitude, and love accompany my touch as it trails down the column of his neck and finds the flutter of his pulse. I pause here, unable to believe that his heart is beating … that I can feel it. I know he’s not alive in the same sense I am, but that doesn’t matter right now. He is alive to me.

“Zo.” He lengthens my shortened name into a husky groan. The depth and vibrato of his voice are more substantial, and the change pleases my ears. His eyelids drift closed as my palms slide down his broad chest. He’s not as bulky as Garrett is, but he’s broader than Avery and stockier than Bren.

“I’ve wanted you to touch me like this for so long,” he murmurs.

“Same,” I reply in a whisper as I lean forward to place a tender kiss on his jaw, his cheek, and the tip of his nose.

With a strangled groan, he captures my mouth in a searing kiss and presses me against the pillows and headboard. I continue my bold exploration of his chest and back as he steals my breath with deep, consuming kisses. The rapid pace of his breath and tension in his muscles indicate he’s exercising fierce control.

When my fingertips skip over ridges of raised skin and invoke memories, I distract myself by attempting to tug his shirt off. His assistance results in the shirt tangling around his neck and covering his face before he manages to rip it off.

When his face is revealed again, I expect to see frustration. Instead, he wears a grin, and his cheeks are more crimson than coral. I derive an inordinate amount of pleasure from his blush; I’m not the only one whose skin betrays them.

“Being solid again is more difficult than I remembered,” he quips. “On my way to you, I collided head-on with the door to the stairwell. I’m so used to floating through doors. And don’t get me started on the stairs … I almost fell down a flight or two.” His grin combines amusement and self-deprecation.

I laugh with him as I imagine him walking into a door. Without the risk of serious injury, picturing him falling down the stairs is slightly amusing as well. “Silly boo,” I murmur lovingly.

“Oh! Do you realize that I’ve been wearing the same clothes for eight years?”

I laugh alongside his dramatic disgust until my attention moves downward. Avery had scars from being whipped. Kodi’s marks appear intentionally carved. They form a design that might be artistically beautiful if they weren’t painfully etched into human flesh. The old welts briefly distract me from the definition in his pecs and abs.

Following my gaze, he echoes my frown. “Huh. I’d forgotten about these.” His shrug and words are dismissive.

I can’t ignore them as easily, however. I trace the swirling lines and whorls. His skin shivers under my fingertips. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kodi snorts. “Hell no. That life is over, Zo – literally. I don’t want to think about it or talk about it. Can you … ignore them? Or make them pretty like Avery’s?”

I catch my bottom lip in my teeth as I consider his request. “The design I showed Avery wasn’t real because I was manipulating his vision and essentially sending him a picture. And I didn’t actually do anything, although the magic took into account the image I created.”

Because he asked, though, I close my eyes and envision a tattoo for Kodi. An image appears in my mind, incorporating the swirling lines of his existing scars, but I can’t describe the symbol. It’s Celtic, Egyptian, and ancient. Regardless of what it means, I don’t seem to have much control over the image, and I have no idea if it will actually appear.

When Kodi dives in for a kiss again, I comply with his other request and ignore the scars for now. I’m not sure if I have a choice because his kisses erase everything else. My back arches toward him when he relinquishes my lips and lowers his attention to the neckline of my shirt.

“I took mine off,” he pouts as he tugs at the hem of my top.

“Do you demand equality?”

“Absolutely.” He nods several times in quick succession but never removes his gaze from my chest.

I pull the garment over my head before I can think the action through, but his rapt, awed expression triggers immediate anxiety. I start to cover myself again, but Kodi’s fingertips curl gently around my wrist.

“Please don’t. You never have to hide your body from me, Zo.” His voice breaks with hurt and desire, and I release my grip on my shirt. Awe shifts to hunger. He licks his lips, giving me the impression that I’m a ten-course meal and he’s a starving beast. My nipples tighten even further under his gaze.

He groans in a primal manner that makes me shiver. “Have mercy on this twenty-five-year-old virgin, princess. Please just let me look at you for a minute.” His eyes stay firmly on my chest as he speaks. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

“Are you talking to my boobs or me?” Sarcasm laces my tone, hiding the slight tremor of anxiety. I know it’s just Kodi. He’s seen me naked before, but it’s different now.

Kodi’s grin makes him appear boyish but also mischievous. “Both?” He shrugs. “Yeah, probably both.” His tongue flicks out to wet his lips again, and a surge of desire makes my thighs clamp together. The gesture is sexier than it should be.

“Can I see all of you? Like this morning or … yesterday morning?”

His eagerness is endearing, and I have no will or inclination to deny him. I felt more confident while still glowing from Avery’s worshipful lovemaking, but this is Kodi. He’s seen all of me and never judged me. My interaction with the shifter also lends me strength and boldness. Garrett had looked at my legs and touched them without disgust or pity.

Kodi helps me toss aside the blankets. I’m still wearing the soft cotton shorts with my underwear because I wasn’t awake enough to remove them. The last few minutes with Garrett remain a sleepy blur.

Kodi’s hands tremble as he hovers an inch from my bare skin. It’s difficult to ignore the things I’ve always considered imperfections – like the way my stomach bulges over my waistband or that one breast is noticeably larger. My companion’s gaze and discernable emotions don’t indicate that he sees anything wrong, though. I only detect appreciation, desire, and raw hunger. The impressive muscles of his chest rise and fall with his labored breaths, and his jeans look uncomfortable. His thickness strains against the denim.

“Can I?” he whispers.

I think I know what he wants, but it’s too awkward to take my shorts off while I’m sitting. I nod absently while starting to scoot down, but Kodi grasps my hips and pulls me down the bed. I squeak in surprise, and the friction of my hair against the sheets makes it crackle with static electricity. With equal swiftness, he whisks away my shorts and underwear simultaneously. I’m naked before I realize what’s happening.

His motions slow once I’m displayed before him. My body heats and makes me question whether it’s possible to generate a full-body blush. Seeing the evidence of his desire makes this different from every other time he’s seen my body.

He sits back on his heels and studies me as if committing my body to memory. Is he marking the position of every scar and mole, every curve and hollow? I try to imagine my body from his perspective, but it’s impossible. I’ve seen myself too many times to practice any objectivity.

When he remains motionless for several long minutes, I start to worry that the magic backfired. “Kodi?” Thankfully, the sound of his name jolts him from his mesmerized trance.

He ducks his head, hiding his delightfully pink cheeks. “Sorry. Looking at you naked ….” He blows out a big breath. “I was trying really hard not to come in my pants.” A rare expression twists his features; I think he’s bashful. “I won’t last long, Zo. I might lose all control the second I touch you.”

I attempt a coy smile, hoping it doesn’t look like an awkward grimace. “We have until dawn, right?”

His response is a grin that lights up his entire face. His turquoise eyes sparkle like polished gemstones. “That’s what Bren thinks, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe we should hurry – just in case.” His playful nature makes me laugh, but it turns into good-natured curses as he struggles with his pants. The jeans are tight, and the button fly seems to vex him.

I barely notice when he finally crows with triumph because I’m captivated by the flexing muscles of his back and shoulders. He’s ripped, even after years of inactivity. My appreciation cools when I realize that this side of him is free of scars. Whoever carved into him wanted to look him in the eyes as they did it. I push the observation away; I’d promised to ignore the scars for now.

I focus instead on the tapestry of pale skin dotted with freckles. As he peels his pants off, my mouth dries. Sweet Destiny … my best friend has an amazing ass. It’s rounded but tight and smooth. I have the overwhelming urge to pinch it, but he’s too far away at the edge of the bed. I barely notice when he loses his balance and nearly falls on his face. He grunts with frustration before finally throwing the pants to the side.

He turns around, revealing that his struggles hadn’t cooled his desire. His cock stands at full attention, thick and stiff. I blush hotly but also offer silent gratitude to the universe that he’s average in size. I just know Garrett is going to be huge, so I’d like the rest of my lovers to be … just enough.

As naked as I am, Kodi returns to lie down next to me. I roll toward him, and one of his arms slides under my neck while the other hand grasps my hip. His moan echoes mine. The full-body contact releases a flood of endorphins that relaxes my nerves and stokes my desire. He feels smooth and warm against me. His erection nudges my lower abdomen, and my aching breasts press against his firm chest.

“You feel so good.” His lips deliver light kisses to my forehead and cheekbones as his palm explores the curve of my hip and waist.

I moan my agreement, unable to form words as sensation threatens to melt my body into the bed. He feels natural, right, and so much better than I imagined.

Kodi’s mouth captures mine again. His kiss feels experienced, but he just knows what I like. He nips and licks, teasing, before swiping his tongue into my mouth and swallowing my whimpers. His palm cups the soft flesh of my breast, and he grazes the rough pad of his thumb over my erect nipple. My hips thrust forward involuntarily as desire shoots from one pleasure center to the next.

With a pained groan, he releases my ravaged lips. I don’t question the rapid rise and fall of his chest or his strong heartbeat. I don’t think dwelling on the mechanics will make him fade, but I want to enjoy the moment. I ignore our ticking clock as well.

Holding my gaze, Kodi’s bright blue-green eyes spark with emotion. “I love you, Zosia Abram,” he whispers fervently.

“And I love you. I have always loved you.” Confessing my feelings is more satisfying when the taste of his lips is on mine and his scent is in my nose. He smells like leather, paper, and ink – as if he didn’t exist before he arrived in the library. This fantasy is preferable to the reality.

Kodi’s answering smile is broad and without restraint or trepidation. Then, he ducks his head and proves that his mouth and tongue are capable in other places. He licks and sucks at my nipple, erasing every other thought in my head except for my growing hunger. My hips thrust, grinding against his firm shaft, as need slicks my inner thighs.

The teasing foreplay doesn’t last long. He raises his head, his expression pleading. “Zo … I need to be inside you? Can I …?” His breath rasps from him. His body is coiled tightly with tension and restraint, and the tip of his cock is wet against my stomach. I can’t deny him, and I don’t want to.

After I nod, we move simultaneously. I roll onto my back, and he settles between my legs like Avery did. There must be other positions, but I can’t complain yet. I’ll take Kodi any way I can have him.

My lover’s entire body shudders as he enters me slowly and deliberately. It’s nearly unbearable. His pace, added to the way he looks at me, makes me think this is a dream. When Avery began, it was obvious that he couldn’t see me. I’d needed that distraction from my insecurities, but Kodi is different. He can’t look at me enough. His gaze devours me, moving up and down my body with hungry appreciation. I do the same with him, memorizing the location of every freckle and the ridge of every muscle so I can recall them when he’s not solid.

Heat fills me as his thickness stretches my inner walls. I start to pant with need and wiggle my hips impatiently. My eyelids want to flutter shut, but I resist. I want to watch him like he watches me. The expression on his face suggests tight control over his body. I haven’t seen him like this since he became a ghost.

It feels like forever before he’s fully enveloped. His pelvis meets mine, and my muscles clasp eagerly around his thick length. He squeezes his eyes shut, breathing hard through his flared nostrils. I don’t know if he’s savoring this moment or practicing restraint, but I don’t care. I swear that I can feel every inch of him inside me.

After a brief second, he slides out and in again, still moving so slowly that I start squirming and whimpering. I’m so wet that the slide requires little effort, but the strain he’s exerting is apparent in every muscle and breath. The intensity in his gaze is the first sign that his spoken warnings weren’t far from the truth.

“You can come, Kodi,” I whisper. The words sound dirty, and I think they turn him on. His jaw clenches tightly and his hands grip my hips with an almost bruising pressure.

“Fuck, Zo.” His hips thrust against mine twice more before he starts to shudder. Watching his face as he orgasms almost makes me join him, even though I’m not there yet. My body clenches in response, squeezing until he’s spent.

His body jerks once more before he sags onto my chest. My fingers grip his shoulders tightly and my clit continues to throb, but I feel satisfied without an orgasm. I can’t have mind-blowing sex every single time. Most of the articles I used to read in the magicless magazines suggested this is normal, and many offered subtle or not-so-subtle methods to empower a woman’s request for fulfillment. In this case, though, I just needed Kodi; the orgasm would be a bonus.

I wait for him to slide out of me, but he doesn’t move. I don’t mind because he’s not putting the full weight of his body on me. His warmth, in addition to the rapid thumping of his heart, also feels incredible after not being able to touch him for so long. My stupidly curious brain questions whether ghosts eject sperm. Kodi’s orgasm felt drier than Avery’s had.

When Kodi breathes air over my nipple, an involuntary spasm overtakes me. My inner muscles clench and my clit pulses again. A strange sensation makes me realize that he’s regaining his erection – while still inside me.

His gaze meets mine, both of us sharing surprised looks. It feels bizarre, but it’s not uncomfortable. Instead, it rekindles my faded desire. My hips rock as my body seeks friction. Kodi’s answering groan vibrates through my bones and sends a wave of longing to my core.

“Is this supposed to happen?” He grins as he props himself back up.

I shrug. “I don’t think it happens often, but I’m not complaining. Are you complaining?”

A gasp escapes him when my hips rock against his. “Fuck no, princess. Goddamn, my dick is even harder and more sensitive this time around. I didn’t know I could feel so fucking good.” The curse words inundate every sentence, and I almost imagine our old caretaker’s stern look of disapproval before I push the image away. Hers is high on the list of faces I don’t want to see during sex.

The wondrous look on his face as he rocks with me makes me giggle, but my laugh turns into a moan when he begins another slow slide. My eyes roll back in my head, especially when he reaches up to tease my nipple.

This is everything I’ve longed for over the past few years, but the craving for my other three guardians still exists. The greedy need to have them all is so hedonistic that I can understand why some people might consider this act sinful. They might not fear the pleasure but the drive to want more and more.

Kodi swiftly regains his erection and starts to move again. I cast my thoughts aside as my body surrenders to lust and pure sensation. We don’t speak as I concentrate on the connection between us that feels both physical and magical.

After several thrusts, Kodi lowers his torso, supporting his upper half on his arms. “Is this alright for your legs?” His voice cracks and he adds a faster thrust. The movement rubs my aching clit against his pelvis and my pebbled nipples against his chest. I can only nod when my increased need for breath makes words impossible. Right now, I’m not feeling any pain.

My lover alternates between kissing my neck and my mouth. The friction on my clit is the momentum I need, and the multiple sensations are what my body craves. My fingertips explore his shoulders, his back, and the tight muscles of his ass. I love how they flex with each thrust and a tighter grip gives me more control. I pull him deeper inside me, offering the correct pressure and pace to my most sensitive parts.

My chest heaves and sounds escape me as my pleasure builds. The first contractions of my impending orgasm squeeze him tightly, and his arms start to shake. He’s close, just like me, although I don’t know which cue tells me this. It could be the swell of him inside me, the tension in his muscles, the increased pace of his thrusts, or the fire in his eyes.

“Fuck. I’m going to come again, Zo. Come with me.”

My body obeys, my vision blackening as fireworks explode behind my eyes. Blood roars in my head. The sensation is all-consuming and indescribable, and it’s made even better when Kodi tumbles over the edge with me. Sharing an orgasm creates a special kind of magic. My muscles continue to jerk and spasm even after my desire is spent.

Kodi’s torso radiates heat, but he doesn’t appear to sweat. After several minutes, he pulls out of me with a hiss and a full-body shudder. I roll toward him, subtly stretching the aches from my lower body. My legs and hips aren’t used to this sort of activity. Surprisingly, I’m not in pain.

“That was so fucking amazing,” Kodi whispers as he rolls on his side to face me. An expression of awed wonder and satisfaction lights his expression as he brushes wispy strands of hair from my face. I am not a ghost, so I sweat like a normal human.

“Thank you, Zo.” The intensity of his gaze makes me squirm with discomfort now that my afterglow is fading. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I see you as amazing, resilient, and beautiful. I love you and I’d stay with you for an eternity even if I couldn’t touch and kiss you, but I’d always want you. Do you believe me?” His voice quavers with a combination of sincerity and vulnerability – two emotions he rarely displays.

When I blot out my self-sabotaging thoughts, I hear the honesty in his voice. “I believe you because I feel the same.” Overwhelmed with emotion, I distract myself by counting the freckles on his jaw. He doesn’t have stubble like Bren or Garrett, and I wonder if he’ll look this way until he fades; he hasn’t aged in the time I’ve known him. I can’t be a wrinkled old woman with a partner who still looks like a teenager, though. That’s just … wrong. We might have to employ one of those spells that modify appearances.

He flicks a glance downward. “Do you need help cleaning up?”

My brows furrow. “I don’t think you … came.” The last word emerges as an embarrassing squeak now that I’m not drowning in lust. I might grow up one day.

Kodi chuckles. “Oh, I definitely came – twice. I thought there might have been a lack of anything substantial, but I consider that a good thing. We don’t want ghost babies.”

Although he’s joking, my imagination latches onto the idea and runs with it. A baby that can appear and disappear at will? It sounds horrifying, but it’s also a shame that Kodi and I will never see the product of our combined genetics.

I snuggle into his warmth, relishing the comfort and sheer novelty of his solid body. I want to absorb every second because I’m uncertain how long the magic will last or when we’ll get another chance.

This is why I don’t protest when Kodi’s lips and hands wander over me again. I also don’t spare a thought for how my legs might appear to him. I focus on enjoying him because I’m aware that he could slip away at any moment. Just like him, I long for eternity, but I settle for treasuring every precious second in between.