Page 56

AUTUMN

I can’t catch my breath. I’m bent over, my chest seizing, air scraping at my throat like glass. Too much. This is too much.

The smoke is too thick now. It curls around me and coils into my lungs. I try to cough it out, but it keeps coming heavier and harder.

My eyes squeeze shut and my hands press to the cold floor. The heat pressing down from behind. The fire is still raging. The women are running up the stairs to freedom, but I can’t move. I can’t breathe.

This isn’t from the smoke. Not entirely. I know this feeling. The tightening in my chest, the world narrowing to a pinpoint, the rising panic that feeds on itself. Not now. Please, not now.

“Autumn.” Jace’s voice cracks next to me. It’s rough and strained, but I can barely hear it over the pounding in my head. I gasp for air that isn’t there. My throat closes tighter and my lungs clench like they’re shrinking inside me. My hands shake and I claw at the ground.

Jace’s arms wind around me and he picks me up off the floor again and runs. The faster he runs, the harder it gets to breathe. Everything becomes a blur. We fly up the stairs and collapse on the first floor of the building. Smoke still surrounds us, but at least we’re out of the basement.

“Need help here!” Jace yells, but his voice sounds distant through the roaring in my ears.

I shut my eyes and try to focus on my breathing, but it’s no use. The panic has its claws in me now, squeezing my chest, convincing my body I’m dying. My vision tunnels, and all I can hear is my own heartbeat, too fast, too hard.

A gentle hand lands on my shoulder. “Autumn. Look at me.”

I blink through the blur of smoke and tears.

My vision swims before me, but I can make out Jace.

His dark eyes are intense even through the haze.

The edges of his face are smeared with soot and blood.

I try to shake my head, but the world spins.

My chest lurches again with another breath that won’t come, and panic claws up my throat.

My hands claw at my chest, desperate for air. My eyes water. “I can’t. I can’t.” The words come out in a barely audible rasp.

How can Jace be here? He was going to die like Summer did. Maybe not in the same way, but the outcome would be all the same. I can’t lose any of them, not like this. Not because they’re trying to help me in ways that aren’t worth even a fraction of their lives.

Jace doesn’t flinch. He crouches close and takes my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. “Autumn, listen to me. You’re having a panic attack. You need to slow your breathing.”

Tears well in my eyes. How can I slow my breathing when I can’t breathe at all?

“Focus on me,” he says. “Nothing else exists right now. It’s you and me.”

I try to focus on his face, but everything is spinning. Are there two Jaces ?

“Match my breathing,” he says, taking one of my hands and pressing it against his chest. I can feel his heart beating beneath my palm. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. Slow.”

The ground shakes and another burst of smoke funnels through the open doorway of the basement, but all I focus on is Jace. His beautiful brown eyes, and the desperation and terror they have for me.

He exaggerates his breathing, making it deep and deliberate. I struggle to follow, and my first attempt ends in a desperate gasp, but it’s something.

“Again,” he insists. “You can do this. In…and out.”

I lock into his eyes, using them as an anchor in the chaos. I force myself to inhale through my nose, feeling the smoke-tinged air burn my nostrils. Then I push it out through my mouth, the exhale ragged but complete.

“Good,” Jace encourages. “Again.”

Each breath is a battle, but gradually, the vise around my chest loosens. The tunnel vision recedes, and I become aware of the world around me again. The crackling fire below, the shouts and cries of the survivors, and the rotters’ moans.

“There you are,” Jace says softly when my breathing evens out. “Stay with me.”

I collapse against him with my head buried in his chest and my arms shaking.

“I’ve got you.” His arms wrap around me, shielding me from the smoke curling around us. “You’re okay. You’re here.”

My body trembles and my lungs are raw, but I nod against him. I’m vaguely aware of Caspian fighting off the rotters nearest to us, keeping us safe while I remember how to breathe again.

“Time to move,” Mars shouts from somewhere nearby. Survivors scramble all over the place, in all directions. Mars curses when one runs straight into a rotter, and the rotter sinks its teeth into her cheek. “Not toward the rotters, shit. Get out of the building, everyone.”

“We’ve got to get somewhere safer,” Jace says. His arms are still around me, but I can feel the urgency in his body.

I nod again that I understand. I can move. There’s no other choice. I wipe the tears from my face and taste the smoke on my lips.

Jace helps me to my feet with his arm around my waist, and together we follow the others out of the burning building. My legs are shaky, and my chest still aches, but his grip remains strong enough to make up for it.

As we stumble toward the exit, I hear a familiar bark. Luna is already outside the house, barking and whining. My lips turn up in a smile.