Page 33

JACE

I shouldn’t have touched her. Not like that. Not like it mattered. Because it did, and it meant too damn much.

That’s what I keep telling myself while I stand in the shadows, watching her like I’m some obsessed fool.

I should’ve stopped. Before the condom, before the first kiss. Hell, before I ever laid hands on her at all. I should’ve let someone else stitch her up. Being near her tears through every ounce of restraint I’ve spent months honing.

My jaw locks. My hands twitch, like they still remember the shape of her ass, the heat of her skin under my palms. Like the memory burned into my fingertips.

It wasn’t supposed to happen. I told her that. Whispered it into the dark even as I kissed her like she was the last thing worth saving in this godforsaken world. Because she is. I can’t save myself, but maybe I could have saved her. Maybe it’s not too late.

Now she’s gone. Well, not really.

She’s fifty feet away, crouched by the pond, scrubbing herself raw, but it might as well be a thousand miles. I’m half convinced she’s trying to wash me away, and she should. She should want to scrub me away from every inch of her skin and forget about me. She’ll be better off that way.

She hasn’t looked at me since she pushed me back with the look of hurt that was all my doing.

I used to have better self-control than this, but it all washes away every time I’m near her.

That’s why I’ve tried to keep my distance.

Then I had to volunteer to stitch her wound, and somewhere along the way I unraveled.

I stare at the rippling water, watching her reflection move. She looks calm now, but I know it’s not real. I know Autumn well enough now to see the cracks in her armor.

There’s something else there among the cracks. Something deeper than frustration, something coiled and hidden beneath her skin. It’s not anger, though that’s in there too, among the hurt.

She’s hiding something.

I don’t move until she stands. Her movements are too purposeful. Not relaxed or wandering, but like she’s gearing up for something more than just sleep. She heads back toward camp like someone with a mission I don’t know about. I hate the unknowns.

Later, after the sun drops lower, she settles by the fire, back with the others, but not really with us.

She spends the rest of the daylight watching it disappear over the horizon, comfortable in Mars’s embrace.

He sits behind her with her head against his shoulder and his arms keeping her warm by the fire while Caspian lies next to her with his head in her lap and Luna lies on the ground with her head on Autumn’s feet.

She should be at the utmost level of comfort, but her body remains rigid, even when she smiles up at Mars or runs her hands through Caspian’s loose platinum strands.

I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them to be like that around her. How are they not afraid of someone hurting her in order to hurt them ?

They weren’t there when Eugene forced a group of us to watch people burn in order to teach us a lesson about loyalty.

They didn’t have anyone to lose, so they were spared that pain.

As much as Eugene deserved the death he got, I only wish it could have been by my hands instead of someone else’s bullet.

Movement pulls me from my thoughts and I look up to see Autumn sneaking off into the dark, so I follow her. She pauses to fix the laces on her boots. I watch from the shadows for a second longer than I should before I step into her light. “You going somewhere?”

She startles and a guilty look flashes across her face before she schools her features and lifts her chin. “Bathroom break. Should I write up a report?”

“That’s why you’ve got the knife strapped to your waistband holster? Unless you’re planning to use it to carve your report into a tree…”

Her jaw tightens. “Are you spying on me now?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m just not great at ignoring red flags when I’m not the one waving them.”

She pulls the knot in her laces tight, rises, and turns to the treeline. I shift to block her path. She sighs. “I’m not in the mood, Jace.”

“Well, that’s too damn bad,” I snap, before I can stop myself. “You think you’re the only one hurting?”

She doesn’t look at me. “Don’t.”

I swallow hard and back off half a step. “Tell me what’s going on.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t.”

Won’t. She means she won’t.

“Where’s Luna?” I ask, noticing the dog’s absence. Luna hasn’t left Autumn’s side in days.

“Sleeping by the fire,” she says too quickly, another lie slipping easily past her lips.

She brushes past me and disappears into the dark until her silhouette is devoured by the trees. I stand there a second longer with ache and indecision warring inside of me, every part of me screaming to follow her, so I do.

Turns out, I’m not the only one.

A twig snaps behind me and I glance back to find Mars stepping out of the shadows, his unbuttoned flannel shirt hanging open to reveal the growing bruises from our fight still marking his chest.

His eyes narrow as he approaches. “You gonna tell me why Autumn ghosted at this time of night with her knife drawn and leaving Luna behind?”

“Ask her.” I tilt my head in the direction Autumn disappeared.

“I did.” Mars steps closer and shadows cut across his face.

“She fed me some bullshit about going for a walk to get some fresh air. We’re fucking surrounded by air.

” He runs a hand through his dark hair, but concern is evident beneath his usual cockiness.

“I know she’s going through some shit, but something’s off.

Ever since you stitched her up.” His black eyes cut to me. “What did you do?”

“Well, clearly I fucked up. That’s something all of us can agree on, but whatever she’s up to right now was already in motion before I screwed up.”

Mars takes a step closer to me, and his hands clench into fists. His voice is low and threatening. “What did you do?”

I lift my chin. “Fucked her, okay? Then I ran away like a goddamn coward. I would love to fight with you over it, but let’s find out what she’s up to first. Deal?”

Mars lets out a dark chuckle. “I knew it. I just didn’t know you were going to be so shit at it.”

“New plan. You stand here and laugh like a maniac. I’m going after her.” I turn my back on Mars and jog in the direction Autumn disappeared. Mars catches up to me, and it’s not long before we have Autumn back in our eyesight.

We freeze at the sound of rustling leaves to our right. Caspian materializes from the shadows, his gray t-shirt almost glowing in the faint moonlight. Luna is by his side, whining softly and sniffing at the air, her body tense.

“How the hell do you do that?” Mars whispers. “Wait, are you lurking around out here?”

Caspian ignores the question. His pale eyes remain fixed on Autumn’s distant silhouette. She won’t be in sight for much longer.

“I didn’t expect her to leave Luna behind. This dog hasn’t left her side since the bunker.” Caspian crouches to run a hand along Luna’s back. “Maybe that’s why she did it. To make it easier to sneak away without raising suspicion.”

“She’s meeting Lucy,” I say when the realization hits me. “Has to be. She said something to Autumn before disappearing, and I don’t think Autumn was entirely truthful about it.”

Mars’s jaw tightens. “Fuck. The pharmacy girl?” He glances at Autumn, still barely visible through the trees. He shifts forward like he’s ready to sprint after her. “I knew I should’ve followed that girl longer.”

“You couldn’t even catch her the first time,” I remind him, then start following Autumn at a slow pace.

Mars’s eyes flash, and he walks with me. “At least I wasn’t too busy wallowing to notice she’s about to walk into a trap.”

He’s right. I should’ve seen this coming. Should’ve known she’d chase any threat that smelled like hope, no matter how much it was tinted by danger.

Luna whines again and strains against Caspian’s gentle hold on her collar as they keep pace with us, and a safe distance from Autumn hearing us. “I don’t know why we haven’t thought to take this collar off her, but it’s coming in handy right now.”

“She said she couldn’t tell me what was going on,” I say, piecing everything together.

I’m seeing things I should have seen earlier, but I was blinded by my feelings for her.

I was too busy trying to push her away to realize what she was going to do.

“Lucy told her something at the pharmacy, something she didn’t want us to know.

Autumn said it was nothing, and I believed her. ”

“Come alone,” Caspian mutters. “Textbook lure. Come alone. It’s always a trap.”

Mars lets out a string of colorful curses. “Of course. And purple decided to listen.” He glares at me and thrusts a finger against my chest. “I blame you.”

“Yeah, well, so do I,” I say.

“She’s desperate,” Caspian says, his usual reserve giving way to genuine concern. “After finding that music box, she’d walk into hell if she thought Summer was on the other side.”

“Which is exactly why we need to go,” I say, checking my pistol is still secured to my hip. I’ll draw in every rotter on the planet, if it means keeping Autumn away from danger.

Mars cracks his knuckles, and a dangerous smile spreads across his face. “I’m thinking it’s time for a family reunion with Lucy’s mysterious brothers.”

“If they exist,” Caspian points out. “We don’t know how honest she was being.”

Luna whines with her tail low, sniffing the ground to track Autumn’s scent.

Mars picks up pace. “If she gets herself killed, then I’m going to kill her.”

“That’s called grief math, Mars. Doesn’t add up,” Caspian says.

I push ahead of them both. “Just shut up and move faster.”

Luna lets out a soft bark of agreement. She pulls free from her collar and bolts ahead.

The chase is on.