Page 31 of Gabe (Blue Team #2)

I wasn’t being funny when I told Gabe he needed to put away his erection if he wanted me to concentrate on whatever conversation he wanted to have.

I was all for more hanky-panky and testing my theory that under all those hard muscles were not bones but metal rods and screws.

No man could go two rounds and be up—as is, up, hard, and ready to go, without even getting soft.

It was impossible.

Crazy.

Unheard of.

Yet, the proof was right there—thick, hard, and ready.

I’d just cleaned up and already I felt wetness between my legs.

“Honey?”

“Huh?”

“Get into bed so we can talk.”

“Is this gonna be a long talk?”

“It’d get done a lot faster if you hurry up and get your sweet ass into bed.”

I’d prefer my ‘sweet ass’ bent over the side of the bed again .

But I didn’t say that out loud. Not only because it would make me sound like a brazen hussy but because Gabe sounded serious.

There was something on his mind and I needed to put sex out of mine and give him the time he asked for.

The problem was I didn’t want to climb over him.

It was embarrassing and I was ashamed to admit it but the thought of accidentally falling on his dick had crossed my mind.

The accidentally part would be—of course—accidentally-on-purpose.

I didn’t get a chance to contemplate how I was going to enter the bed. One second I was standing there, the next Gabe knifed up, his big hands were on my hips, then I was up and over him.

“Damn, you’re strong,” I muttered.

Gabe didn’t answer. He rolled me to my side, tucked me close, my head landed on his pec, then he pulled my arm over his stomach.

“First, you said something earlier and I need you to know I feel the same.”

I’d said a lot of things earlier, so I wasn’t sure what Gabe was talking about but I didn’t get to ask before he started again.

“I think you already get I’m falling for you, but just in case I wasn’t clear I need to be now.

No fuckin’ way would I ask you to take a chance on us and explore what’s between us if I wasn’t already sure.

I did fight it, Evette. I tried to do right by you and keep my distance.

When that was no longer going to work, I tried to bury how I feel about you.

And I was doing a bang-up job reminding myself of all the reasons why we couldn’t be together.

But I can’t do it. And not because of what Zane said, or Cooper.

Because I know to my soul letting you go will be my biggest mistake.

I’ll go to my grave regretting it. There’s no explanation, no way to rationalize it, no logic.

It is what it is. I feel how I feel and I’m not going to give any headspace to wondering how the hell I fell for you with a look.

I just need you to know that I did and it means a fuckuva lot to me that you’re taking a chance on me. ”

There was so much there—all of it filled me up with happiness. But I didn’t understand why he felt that staying away from me was the right thing to do.

“What do you mean do right by me?”

Gabe was silent for a good long while. His arm around me had gone stiff and his hand on my hip had stopped skimming. He was holding himself perfectly still and I didn’t understand that either .

“You understand I’m falling in love with you?” he asked in a whisper.

I closed my eyes and savored those words. I let them settle and permeate, infuse and take root.

“Yes,” I whispered back.

“I also think you understand by what Zane said I have issues with money. But, honey, I have serious fucking issues.”

“Oh…kay. What kinda issues?”

“I spent years homeless and that’s not something you ever forget the taste of.

I was young and powerless and watched my mom struggle.

She did everything she could and it still wasn’t good enough.

Not because she drank, injected, or gambled her money away.

Not because she didn’t work hard. So on top of being homeless and powerless, I was also taught that life just plain sucked.

You could work hard, be a good person, and still get fucked.

My dad died, my mom couldn’t hack it, and shit spiraled.

“I didn’t play sports in school, didn’t go to a dance, an afterschool club, barely graduated high school.

Not because I wasn’t interested or stupid but because I was dog-assed tired, falling asleep in class, and had no time for homework.

I would’ve failed out if I hadn’t passed every test put in front of me in every subject.

When I could I got a job to help and that happened when I was thirteen, working under the table at a pizza place grating cheese in the back and cleaning up after closing.

It was shit money seeing as I was underage with no work permit.

The owners could pay me well below minimum wage but at least it meant I could eat every day. ”

Gabe stopped talking and I had a thousand questions.

The top of the list was that I wanted to know more about his mother.

There was something rough in his voice when he said she couldn’t hack it yet soft and gentle when he said she did everything she could but it wasn’t good enough.

Angry but not. Disappointed but understanding.

And Gabe feeling powerless in his youth explained a lot.

He wasn’t overly controlling—it wasn’t like he cuffed me to the bed so he could whip me but he certainly demanded I follow his lead, which luckily worked for me in a big way.

I understood his need to dominate in the bedroom, giving himself a slice of something he didn’t have when he was growing up.

I also knew he’d likely force-feed me three meals a day if he could.

That hurt my heart. That made me want to wrap my arms around him and weep but I knew he’d hate that.

Further, I now fully grasped why he was against me contacting Delilah, why he wanted to take me into hiding.

When he said it went against the grain of a man like him what he really meant was I’d made a decision and it had left him powerless.

Gabe believed his job was to protect me.

He took that job seriously, and I took seriously his ability to do that the way he saw fit.

Yet he gave in and gave me what I wanted.

I’m falling for you.

Gabe wasn’t falling for me. He’d already fallen, same as me.

“When I joined the Navy,” Gabe started again.

“Through basic, I sent my mom every paycheck. It wasn’t like I needed the money and I wanted to make sure she had what she needed.

When I got to A school, I sent her half my pay.

By the time I got to the fleet, she was on her feet.

I lived in the barracks and saved my money.

I didn’t go out with my friends, I didn’t buy anything extra.

I was served up a good amount of shit for never spending money.

But I couldn’t, that taste was still on my tongue.

Every meal I ate I remembered what it was like to starve.

Then one day at work I was talking to Chief and he mentioned some investments he made.

I showed an interest and he hooked me up with this financial advisor.

I started small, and I swear the only reason the guy didn’t laugh in my face and tell me to take my hundred bucks and leave was because he felt sorry for me.

But I was desperate so I didn’t give a shit and soaked up his pity.

From there I invested more. Then I bought a fixer-upper shit house and packed it full of roommates.

Did all the remodel work myself, and when I left Norfolk to go to BUD/s I sold it and made a hefty profit.

But I still saved, lived on the cheap, drove a shit car, and invested. ”

None of that sounded like money issues, it sounded smart. And clearly, Gabe no longer drove a shit car. And I hadn’t seen it yet but he lived in a house on the water in Annapolis which couldn’t be anywhere close to a fixer-upper .

For my peace of mind, I ignored the starving comment because seriously, I couldn’t think about this big, strong, kind man going to bed hungry. I just couldn’t stomach the thought so I pushed it aside and focused on money.

“All of that sounds smart,” I noted.

“It was. By the time I got to BUD/s, I had a decent investment portfolio, money in the bank, and a retirement account all on an E-nothing salary. There’s no need for money at BUD/s.

No time to spend it. So I dumped every paycheck into my investments.

After I graduated, there was still no time or need for money so I continued to dump money into my accounts.

After that, I took some downtime but not much.

Training, deployments, workups, all of them back-to-back.

I lived inexpensively. I sent my mom what she needed and barely touched the rest.”

Again, I didn’t see the issue. Over the years I hadn’t been that smart with my money.

I had student loans and was still paying them off.

And even with that debt hanging over me I still went out and spent money.

I had a lot of clothes and shoes and no investments.

I did have a little in savings—not much but enough to sustain me for a few months if I lost my job—and I did have a 401K but it wasn’t sustainable by any means.

I drove a shit car for a while, and when insurance paid out after my engine caught fire, I used that money to pay off my old Honda and the rest to put down on a newer one.

Not top-of-the-line, but it was still nice and I owed money on that.

I didn’t own a house, I rented an apartment.

Mostly because I was single and didn’t want the hassle of owning a home, but also because I didn’t have money for a down payment.

I wish I’d been frugal like Gabe, but then I’d been a waitress through college and there wasn’t much to save.

Now I made a decent living but my pay wasn’t great.