Page 25 of Gabe (Blue Team #2)

I owed Evette an explanation. The problem with that was I didn’t have one.

I couldn’t very well tell her I’d never shared my personal business with the women I’d taken to bed.

Or any other woman besides. Not without sounding like an asshole.

And I couldn’t explain that I’d never entertained the idea of sharing my life with someone because I was a selfish prick who viewed women and children as baggage and added responsibility I didn’t want.

For obvious reasons that made me look like a monumental dick.

And I was. I knew it; that was yet another reason I always kept my distance.

Then there was Evette—the woman who had in days changed my way of thinking. Yet I still couldn’t commit to the idea. I still couldn’t wrap my head around how much I wanted her to stay in my life.

And fucking Zane and his stupid intervention. I should’ve seen his play. Instead, I walked right into it and showed my hand.

I was skating a thin line and every second I was with Evette that line blurred.

Those were my thoughts as I pulled Evette into her room.

No explanation.

No words.

No apology .

Yet she hadn’t protested.

She gave me the quiet I needed.

And that terrified the fuck out of me.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

No hesitation. Yeah, that sent equal amounts of pleasure and fear slicing through me.

“Why?”

Evette tilted her head, kept her eyes glued onto mine, and she looked like she was locked in her head trying to solve the world’s greatest mystery.

“It’s not a trick question, honey.”

“Maybe not but it seems like an important one. Which means it deserves some thought.”

What the hell was I doing? Why did it matter why she trusted me?

“Come here, Evette.”

Again there was no hesitation when she closed the distance between us. She didn’t object when my arm curled around her lower back and she collided with my chest. She simply tucked her head under my chin, pressed her lips against my throat, and her arms went around me.

Holding on.

Kissing me. Sweet-like. Feather-soft.

And that was all it took for the last vestiges of my sanity to melt away. I was hooked. Maybe for life. Even if she went back to California and left me I knew she’d take a piece of me. The one thing I never thought I’d give.

I heard the front door open and welcomed the interruption.

I’d pulled Evette into the bedroom like a Neanderthal with the intention of making good on my earlier promises.

Then I’d gotten sidetracked. Now I needed to regroup before I was the one on my knees before her begging her not to leave my dumb ass.

“Coop’s home,” I told her. “I’m gonna check in with him.”

“Are you coming back?”

My brain screamed no.

My cock vetoed my brain’s wise thoughts .

But in the end, it was not my cock or brain that was in charge.

I couldn’t even say my heart was in control because that didn’t touch the surface of what I was feeling.

It was some deep, unknown emotion inside of me that would have me coming back—over and over until I used her up and she tossed me aside.

“Yeah, honey. Why don’t you get ready for bed? I’ll be right back.”

Evette pulled her face out of my neck, tipped her head back, and I dropped my gaze to capture hers.

“Just so you know,” she started. “I trust you because you’ve never given me a reason not to. But also because there’s just something about you that makes it impossible not to.”

With that, she went up on her toes and kissed me.

Again feather-light.

Sweet-like.

Just a brush. But no matter that her lips had barely touched mine; I still felt that kiss slam into me.

I should’ve run.

Far and fast and never looked back.

But it was too fucking late. She owned me.

I drew in a slow, deep breath, and battled the war within knowing I was going to lose.

And lose I did.

Before I did what I wanted to do and that was toss her on the bed and taste every inch of her, I shifted away.

I needed to talk to Cooper.

Work had to be sorted.

“Be back.”

I made my way into the living room and caught sight of Cooper in the kitchen. He finished downing his beer and tossed the bottle in the recycling bin before he faced me.

“You good?”

“Yep.” Coop eyed me knowing damn well I was lying through my teeth but he didn’t call me on it. “How was dinner at your brother’s?”

“It’s always a good time watching my nephew run all over my brother.

My parents showed up with one of those old-school gumball machines and a roll of pennies.

By the time I’d left, Mason was out of pennies and the machine was half-empty.

The kid will be flying high on a sugar rush for days.

Jaxon grumbled the whole time. Mas ignored his dad’s protests and kept on chewing.

Violet was Violet and just smiled until Mas tried to blow a bubble and spit a wad of gum on the floor.

After that, she put the machine away. Being as my mom is determined to dole out what she calls payback told Mason she’d bring him out more gumballs when he ran out. ”

There was that word—payback. Owen happily showed up earlier and dished out what he called turnabout for the shit I’d given him about Natasha.

“Now, you wanna tell me the truth? You good after what happened at the office?”

No, I was not good. I was pissed, confused, and teetering on the brink of disaster.

“I should’ve seen it coming. Zane knows me and knows what buttons to push. I lost my cool and in doing that I gave him more ammo.”

Coop nodded then added, “I can’t know because I haven’t walked in your shoes and I don’t know the whole story. But it seems to me when a woman who’s worthwhile steps onto your path, you pull out all the stops to make sure she doesn’t veer off of it.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It never is. And not just because a goal worth making means hard work.”

“Evette’s not a goal.”

“She’s not?”

I felt unease start to coil. It was different than the anger that had been circulating.

Different from the indecision that had plagued me from the moment I’d met Evette.

An all-out war was now raging inside of me—I didn’t want to let Evette go but my past told me I had to.

Fear demanded I keep my distance. Attraction challenged my rationality. Desire provoked foolish thoughts.

I’d only ever had one objective in life—never go back.

I didn’t want a wife or kids. Nothing in life was permanent. Nothing was certain. Nothing was guaranteed .

“What is it you’re scared of?”

Coop’s question jolted me from the ugly turn my memories had taken. It was on the tip of my tongue to argue. I was a grown-ass man, I wasn’t scared of anything. Yet I was. Down to my bones, I was scared as fuck.

“Of life,” I admitted.

“That’s a broad statement.”

“You were a cop. Your brother served. You know the dangers of our job. Life has a way of fucking with you, even when you think your shit’s squared away something beyond your control can happen and sweep it all away.”

“I get it.”

Well, that was fucking fabulous Coop got it because I wasn’t so sure I understood what I was so damn scared of anymore.

“Widowmaker,” Coop continued. “I knew plenty of guys back in LA who felt the same way. Played the field, never committing, not wanting to take on a family while they were still on the force. But I knew plenty who were married and had kids.” Coop shrugged as if he hadn’t summed up my issues in a tidy bow.

It would seem Cooper wasn’t done and he saved the kill shot for last.

“I’ve never been in love. I have buried a brother.

I have sat beside a grieving widow and felt the sorrow pouring out of her so thick it was enough to choke me.

I have cared for a good woman after she lost her man.

Held her while she sobbed in my arms, held her up when her legs gave out.

So I get it, you not wanting to potentially inflict that kind of pain.

“But, I’ve also seen firsthand what happens to a man when he sets aside his fears and takes hold.

I’ve felt the bone-deep joy that fills the room when a child is brought into this world.

So bottom line, I guess you need to ask yourself if you’re willing to live with the knowledge you’re a coward.

That you turned your back on a good woman because you were scared of life and all of the things you cannot control. ”

I’d like to think I had a fairly good grip on my temper, however, Coop calling me a coward on the heels of Zane pulling his shit had that hold slipping and fast.

“Not fond of being called a coward,” I ground out .

“Bet not. But I reckon you’d be less fond of looking at yourself in the mirror for the rest of your life knowing you are one.”

“What the fuck?” The words whistled through my teeth as I clenched my jaw.

“That’s a good question, Gabe. What the fuck is standing in your way of admitting you have feelings for Evette?

Why won’t you let yourself have this? For fuck’s sake, brother, this is the good part.

Or so I’ve been told. You know, boy meets girl, finds some happiness, falls in love, does so deliriously pleased he found a woman as good as Evette.

Some great sex is sprinkled in there. Some good times.

Some hard times. Then comes marriage and a baby carriage.

But not you. You’re twisting it into something dark, painful, and throwing in a dash of misery for good measure.

What is so goddamn bad about falling in love with Evette? ”

“Because if I die, leaving her strapped with a kid then where the fuck does that leave her?”

“Don’t know, Gabe. I’d assume that’d leave her devastated at the loss of you. With a heart full of good times and—”

“A heart full of good times doesn’t put food on the table. It doesn’t pay the rent. It doesn’t keep you warm. It leaves you homeless and hungry with a kid to feed.”

Silence filled the room.

Ugliness filled my pounding heart.

Lava boiled in my veins.

The poison that polluted my every thought coated my skin.

I couldn’t breathe without pain.